DOSE: T+ 0:00	1 hit	oral	LSD
T+ 2:00	250 mg	oral	Smarts - Phenibut
T+ 5:30	2 hits	smoked	Cannabis
T+ 6:00	1 g	oral	Smarts - Phenibut

BODY WEIGHT:

62 kg

I was together with my boyfriend when we decided to give LSD another go. Our first time together, which for me was the first experience of a psychoactive substance ever, turned into a nightmare. Three months have passed and we felt like we were ready to do it once more. Only this time we agreed that we should do it separately and tripsit each other, in order not to get hurt, and to comfort each other if the trip was to become terrifying again.

We both had per 1 hit of LSD, 175-180 micrograms each. We had some weed around, which was a really strong kind. I also had some phenibut lying around, because I read that it might make a trip more bearable.

I think that I should probably first describe my boyfriend's experience, for it was crucial for my own. Until a certain point everything was absolutely fine: we were talking, music was playing, every other hour I took him out to the balcony. Then, about 4 hours into his trip, it happened. I said something about my tummy being feeling kinda full, even though I literally ate nothing for a whole day straight. Then my bf said something about the trip overwhelming him, then – about how scary it would be for smth to happen to me while he was wasted like that. He lost himself the very next moment. I would talk to him for an hour straight, he would only remotely remember that he was having acid. He repeated my name, his name. When I told him our address and stuff that happened before he took the hit, he would say that 'it all makes so much sense'. Then he would lose himself again. Music and talking never helped. In about an hour and a half I gave him 500 mg phenibut, in another 30 minutes he was 'back'. We both had a smoke of weed this time, about 0.1 g for each of us. It helped him to fall asleep, and he did not experience further visual stimulation.

The next day was pretty tiring. We had a long walk with his friends, my bf had his first tattoo done. We got home at about 8 pm, and I took my hit, about an hour later than my boyfriend did the day before. He was very tired (only had like 2 hours of sleep the night before), yet he managed to stay with me till the end.

The acid kicked in about 2 hours after the intake. We decided I would take 0.250 g phenibut before the peak and another 0.5 if I would trip way too hard. At that point I only got those 0.25. I saw happy patterns and glitter all over my ceiling, we were listening to some cool chill music. My boyfriend was ever so loving and gentle, he would give me water, he would talk to me, hold me. We even had sex, the best sex we ever had. The trip was bomb. It was about 5,5 hours since my intake. I almost felt sober already. We thought that it was over and that we could go and sleep. We had some weed ( I had about 2 sips, overall it was about 0.2 in total), so that I would be able to sleep.

* * *
Then I think it happened. It slowly took over me. When I think about it now, I can tell that the visual hallucinations have become like 20 times more intense, though I couldn't realize it back then. About 10 min after I had a smoke, out of nowhere, I felt this thought of pure enlightenment. Like I have discovered the the ultimate Truth of the Existence. I felt this urge to tell it, to film it. I still have it filmed. Sounds like pure nonsense now, I could not put it into words. I still remember it though. It was the RGB spectrum being connected to the space/time continuum. The Red on the spectrum was like the starting point, the Big Bang, then it got cooler around the epicenter, turning into Green, then into Blue. The closer one gets to the Big Bang, the more mentally (philosophically) primitive one becomes, which felt like back in history, way back to the ancient Egyptians, apes, dinosaurs, quarks. Pure Red meant birth of thought itself. On the opposite, the closer one comes to Blue, the more advanced one becomes as a consciousness through philosophical and empirical development. The more Blue one becomes, the more aware one becomes of the way things work in the universe and in the human mind. Pure Blue equals death of all life in the universe, then everything would go backwards in 'time/space' to Red, explode and live again.

At the same time I had another thought in my head which purely described relationships between people: you are one with your loved when you both are Red. Big Bang happens. Then their voice splits from yours, then their body splits from yours, then you drift away from each other, and you become more of 'yourself' (as in 'you= thou') and less aware of you two together, of 'us'. When you reach Blue you are in pure 'solitude', and you seek warmth, so you go back into the state of Red.

To put it into words: I have completely lost the aspect of time and space. It became like a 3d dimension of RGB gradients, and I would fly inside it, getting closer and closer to Red. Probably in my head I thought that me and my bf as a whole were at yellowish green of mind development and relationships, but I decided to 'go back to Red'.

* * *
My bf didn't realize that I had this fucking revelation, so he tried to make me sleep. I couldn't. Inside my head there was nothing. There was me, him, I saw him move, have a drink. It was about 30 minutes after I had weed. Then I guess my body started waking up, but my MIND was yet in this state of nothing, and I as a person went into the pure state of insane. I woke up. I didn't know who I was. Where I was. Who I was with. I could only remember only this moment inside my room. I could remember my bf's face, I knew who he was, but I did not recognize him. He talked to me. Told me over and over who I was. Who he was. Where we were. I ran around. I screamed. He slapped me in the face. He put me in the bathtub. He poured water on me. Cold. Then I woke up for a fraction of a second. Then I lost it again.

The only 'dimension' I knew and felt was Sound, so I tried to shout, to make something different. I ran around the flat. Yelled, broke the shower curtain. I begged my bf to turn the music on, and so he did. But I could not hear it, I could only hear his voice and my own screams. I felt like I was caught in a loop. I tried to get out. I felt like the whole Existence was me screaming in the bathtub. I wanted to be at peace, wanted to fall asleep. But I couldn't. It was wet and cold. I felt like I would never fall asleep again.

At the peak of my madness I remembered my previous trip. I thought that I was still there. But I started to realize that now it was different. My bf didn't have a tattoo then. I grabbed him by the hand where the tattoo was (it was covered with medical cloth and tape). He said he was in pain. I was scared to ruin the tattoo. I lost it again. I was screaming, running, hurting him. I reaped his clothes. I almost strangled him.

As I learned later, during these 2 hours of madness he gave me more phenibut. 1 gram total. I slowly regained myself. I was scared, terrified of the mere thought that I hurt him again. I slowly started remembering facts about myself. Like that I smoked cigarettes. And that I had a job. That I had a dog (who was running around this whole time). We went to the balcony again. I saw my boyfriend's face. He looked terrified. I never saw him cry before. I think he did, while I was still 'there'. I felt such pain and guilt. I now realize that I was not to be blamed. But it kills me to even think that it was his fault. It probably was.

It has been 21 hours since I took the hit. I am myself. I am at peace. I'd probably like the experience if I didn't hurt anyone. I do not think that I will try anything this strong ever again. Or will I? I can't say for sure. The only thing I know right now is that I would not mind trying to enter the Void one more time, so that I would be able to meet the Red again.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 110488
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: May 5, 2018	Views: 2,417
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