Citation: Ouroboros. "Kandyflip: The Malleable Mind: An Experience with MDMA, Ketamine & LSD (exp110629)". Erowid.org. May 10, 2018. erowid.org/exp/110629
||Alcohol - Hard
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||(powder / crystals)
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||(blotter / tab)
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Iím a guitarist, singer, cook, psychonaut, autodidact, reflective, caring type with a history of violence, abuse, depression, therapy and drug abuse. I drink occasionally, donít really have much tolerance to alcohol. Iíve been smoking cannabis at least three spliffs almost every day for the past nine years, with an occasional period of three to five grams a day. I took 2c-b once in my life. Eight years ago I had a period of MDMA abuse. Seven years ago I had a period of benzodiazepine abuse. Then I used 2c-e three times. From 2015 to 2016 I was on Aripiprazole for Autism Spectrum Disorder and paranoia. I have taken shrooms many times and done doses ranging up to 100 grams of fresh mushrooms. I have no prior experience with Ketamine or LSD.
I have been interested in LSD for a long time already. I was hoping they would do what shrooms never could: teach me something that doesnít sound laughable the next day or have what I learned fade away with time. So I looked at Itís pharmacology, talked about it with many psychonauts, read up on other peoples trip reports and what effects it can have on websites. Ketamine I know a thing or two about, but never looked into the pharmacology of it.
March 25th 2017
T- 8:00; Full of confidence and joy I take two shots of Jšgermeister and wash it down with some apple cider. After a while I feel buzzed, bordering to tipsy. I pack my tripping foods, drinks and gear.
T- 2:30; I smoke a really nice spliff with Amnesia Haze on the way at the station.
T- 0:30; Finally arriving at the venue, the four hour travel time had somewhat taken its toll so I was a little tired. I head over to the tiny ďstoner houseĒ, where one is allowed to do drugs. I prepare my metal party bong, stick the rest of the earlier half-smoked spliff in the bong, toke up and roll another two spliffs. I put all the spliffs in my jacket pocket, take the stuff from my bag I need throughout the night, smoke the rest of the spliff and head inside to drop my bag and jacket off at the cloakroom. I came here to have fun and dance and the cannabis makes me feel mellow enough to start dancing in the middle of a still almost empty venue, without feeling embarrassed.
T- 0:15; After about an hour of dancing, a friend I met a couple raves before comes up to me and gives me a great bro hug. I ask him if he has some xtc for me. He gives me an xtc pill for free and tells me itís great MDMA, tested at ~250mg.
T+ 0:00; Itís 11:00pm when I walk over to the bar and have myself some electrolyte drink to swallow the xtc. I feel excited and energetic with no trace of nerves.
T+ 0:30; After dancing for half an hour I get tired. I wish I had some speed. I head over to the stoner house to give my feet a rest and smoke a spliff. I end up in a conversation with a really cute couple.
T+ 0:40 (+); As I'm talking to her the first effects start to come on. My hands get a little clammy, my heart rate increases and I steadily feel the euphoria and energy set in.
T+ 0:50 (++); I tell my new friend that the xtc is really starting to feel good and I head inside to go for a dance. Full of energy, empathy and euphoria I head to the dance floor and start dancing really intensively.
T+ 1:10 (+++); Iím getting too warm and a little nauseous and my feet hurt. I open the zipper of my thin jacket and walk outside for a bit to cool off. I remember I have a piece of spliff left in my bong so I go back to the stoner house and smoke it. It feels very cold so I head back towards the club. On the way there I walk in to a couple stoner looking guys with dreadlocks. Theyíre talking about LSD so I join the conversation and after a fun talk about tripping proceed to ask if he wants to sell me two hits. He says he likes me and sells me 2 hits for 15 bucks instead of the usual 20 Ďbecause it is my first timeí. He tells me they are 125 μg blotters that give a really clean but strong trip. Then I head back inside.
T+ 1:30 (+++); I walk into a group of guys, of which I knew two, and we start talking about psychedelics. One of them pulls out a little zip lock with white powder. Thinking itís speed I ask for a small bump. The baggy and the key go round and before it ends up in my hands someone mentions itís Ketamine, not speed. I tell them Iíve been interested in trying it out. The baggy finally ends up in my hands. At this point the anticipation is very strong. My heart beat is racing from excitement being used to the speed rush. I snort a bump off a key and Iím surprised at how smooth it goes down: No nasty aftertaste, no sharp pain in my nose and most of all, no almost instant and obvious effect like speed.
T+ 2:00 (+++); The nausea and overheating have completely disappeared. I feel super relaxed and my heart rate calms down. Trippy rotating light visualizations projected on the walls are starting to look more vibrant. Sounds seem like they have an additional dimension to vibrate in and the euphoria is running strong. I tell the group Iím really digging this stuff. I thank them deeply and we all hug it out.
T+ 2:30 (++); The effects of the MDMA are clearly starting to diminish. The empathy fades first, then the euphoria and I still have six and a half hours of partying to go before the first bus. I start to contemplate taking a hit of acid.
T+ 3:00 (++) I decide to take the first hit of LSD. After keeping it under my tongue for a good half hour I wash it down with some water.
T+ 4:00 (+) The first signs of the acid are showing themselves. Light effects are getting more vibrant, euphoria is steadily returning and I feet incredibly energetic.
T+ 4:30 (++); I really liked the effects of LSD so far. It feels to me like all the good feelings when on MDMA, but none of the side effects. Combined with a fuzziness to everything, brighter colours and slight tracer effects. So it also reminds me of strong shroom trips. But having had really intense 2c-e and mushroom trips, Iím expecting a lot more at this point. While going to the bathroom I decide to drop the second hit too.
T+ 5:00 (+++); The repetitive nature of deep psychedelic trance and according lighting is breaking down into fractals in my head. Geometric patterns are all over my vision. In the rotating light show on the wall I see a three dimensional picture of myself looking down on myself etc. My thoughts speed up and visualize themselves as a four dimensional snake. The snake eat itís own tail to form an Ouroboros. I think of my last date and find myself turned on. The intense horny feeling spreads through my body like a wave of heat. I stretch myself out with my arms straight up. My body feels like itís buzzing with electricity. All my senses are tingling. It is one of the most pleasant body highs that I have ever experienced.
T+ 5:15 (++++); I start peaking. The Ouroboros itself starts to spin and as I look around me I feel a sense of connectedness. What I experienced next I can only describe as a collective consciousness experience. It feels like everyone in the crowd was sharing the same feelings, thoughts and perception. The Ouroboros tightens like a knot, shrinking down in size until it consists of just a point. Then the point vanishes. It reminds me of an old TV when turned off. The image quickly shrinking to a point and popping out of existence. For a while I experience nothingness.
I drop back into reality with a feeling that I can only describe as a full body orgasm. It feels like I just got reborn. The patterns of light form another Ouroboros and shrink into a point again. Only this time instead of popping out of existence, blowing up and expanding into the whole 4 dimensional universe we exist in. I become the universe. I feel like I am watching god. For a period I know everything. The whole universe and all the forces in it make sense. I see my life up to now in cause and event chains, in a single image and understand what forces are produced by choice and which are deterministic.
T+ 5:45 (+++); I come out of my peak and start to feel crowded. I try to communicate my experience with some people that I had conversations with before. I find myself unable to formulate proper sentences. At this point I have no idea that Iím tripping.
T+ 6:00 (+++); With the music getting deeper and darker throughout the night, I see my fears in other people. People are acting strange like they are on drugs. Which I cannot confirm or deny. I walk into a guy who looked angry at me. He tries to go left as I go right, and goes right when I go left a couple times. I feel like he is mad at me for being in his way. I feel like our realities are colliding with each other and I start to feel fear. I hear people whisper their opinion on the party. At this point, Iím not going to lie, I feel anxious or even panicky. I find myself wondering what the hell is going on and when will it stop? The music and the dense crowd make me feel very claustrophobic but I decide to move into the crowd a little deeper to try and find people with mellower vibes around me. I take the first step and I already feel much better. Every time I move to a different spot, I find the same people following me, bumping into me and not giving me any personal space. People all around me appear to break down into verbal arguments with each other. Two Spanish ladies sound like they are constantly mad at each other.
T+ 6:30 (+++); I head to the stoner house for a smoke to have some space. Unfortunately there were two guys sitting close by me. I could never understand them before when I wasnít tripping, because of him mumbling strange stuff and them under pronouncing things from really far in the back of their mouths. He turns to me and starts talking to me. Now while tripping I can understand glimpses of the things he keeps repeating. Things like Ďnice partyí, Ďsoon I will throw a big private partyí among repetitive syllables in what sounds to me like Amsterdamnish. Lots of words containing Zís pronounced as Sí. Words sound morphed, reversed and retriggered. I turn away for him to proceed talking to the guy on the other side of him. I wonder if these are people that never came out of their acid trip. A group of French people are speaking French around me. I canít understand them. It makes me feel like they are excluding and mocking me.
T+ 6:40 (+++); I realize I kind of forgot Iím tripping. I close my eyes and shut myself off from my surroundings. I start contemplating all the things Iím experiencing. The thought dawns on me that all the things Iím seeing, all the aggression from people bumping into one another and all the fear Iím feeling are mostly caused by the substances I consumed, the state of mind I was in before the party, the crowdedness at the party, the amount of mental stimuli and my traumatic past.
I sit there with the bong in my hand. I take a toke, it does not make me feel better. If anything it makes the voices worse. I decide to give the bong a rest. It feels great to consciously make that decision. I feel the power of choice as opposed to determinism. I have an epiphany moment where my addictions totally made sense.
I feel the power of choice as opposed to determinism. I have an epiphany moment where my addictions totally made sense.
I see genetics get passed down. I see my parents smoking cigarettes, cannabis and drink exceptional amounts of coffee. I realize that I cannot hate myself for my addictive tendencies and I must forgive myself for the mistakes Iíve made in the past. I realize that those tendencies are deterministic from my perspective but aside from that I made the decision to consume all and any of those drugs. I have to live through the consequences of those choices. So quitting a drug is also nothing more than a choice and sticking to the consequences.
T+ 7:00 (+++); I go back inside for a last dance. I find myself thinking the trip's peak is lasting a little long for my liking. Time dilation makes 10 minutes feel like over half an hour. The next hour and 15 minutes Iím trying to cope with tiredness. My head is so full with so many different thoughts and feelings from throughout the night. Iím pretty confident that Iím just imagining things mostly, with the exception of the guy at the stoner house. The knowledge that the person I hung with most of the night was not tripping on LSD and that she appears to be tripping from my perspective makes that clear to me.
T+ 08:15 (+++); I go to the stoner house to get my bong. I warm up at the campfire with a warm scarf wrapped around my neck. I feel comfortable, enlightened and most of all eager to comprehend the experience I just had.
T+ 08:30 (+++); I say goodbye to the people I talked to throughout the night. Iím left with a feeling of awe. I feel tired but clear minded. I think I now know what I failed to do throughout my life and what I have to start doing to make my life better. I go to the bathroom outside for one final time and find myself having difficulty taking a pee, even though I feel like I have to go so bad.
T+ 08:45 (+++); I smoke a spliff, heading for the bus stop to go home. I feel amazing, exhilarated full with fresh knowledge about myself and the universe. I have a great conversation at the bus stop with a couple people familiar with LSD. They tell me Iím pretty good at putting the experience into words so the thought of writing a trip report dawns on me.
T+ 09:30 (+++); The comfort of the warmth of the bus makes my body feel extremely relaxed. On the way home I spend hours contemplating what I experienced.
T+ 10:00 (+++); I sit down in the train and start eating my fruits. The raspberries are wonderfully sweet. Every single blueberry tastes so different from the last one. The dried apples pieces are the best thing I have ever tasted while tripping. I forget to get off at the right stop delaying me by half an hour.
T+ 12:30 (++); I come home and slowly come down further. I start talking to all my closest ones about this intricate experience. I just have to come closer to describing it.
T+ 18:00 (++); The patterns on my wallpaper still rotate. When listening to Jimi Hendrix the sounds morph a little bit. I think I finally understand the lyrics to ďAll along the WatchtowerĒ now.
T+ 20:00 (++); I go lay on the couch still seeing the patterns move back and forth a little bit. I take a couple hits of cannabis for the patterns to live up and rotate a little more. Exhausted I fall asleep.
T+ 23:00(+); I wake up still after-glowing. The visuals have faded. Upon smoking some cannabis there are no more flashback feelings or visuals. Iím completely fine with the trip being over however wonderful the experience was. Before I lose any information I start vigorously writing this report.
March 29th; In retrospect I feel like it was an amazing trip. I would definitely repeat LSD some day. Maybe in lower dosage and definitely without Ketamine. I want to try both of them separately.
I fell in love the week before my trip so taking that xtc while already being in such a great mood, made me feel ecstatic. The Ketamine took away the negative side effects from the xtc and later allowed me to distance myself from the panic I was feeling. I wonder which effects were caused by the LSD and which by the Ketamine.
I wonder which effects were caused by the LSD and which by the Ketamine.
Because I took them together, both for the first time, I have no idea what caused what. I still feel like it was the best moment for me to take LSD for the first time. However I also know mixing a strong drug like xtc with two unfamiliar psychedelics was a bad idea. That could have gone really wrong. Drinking in the afternoon before taking xtc wasnít the greatest idea either.
Nevertheless I think it was totally worth it. The experience has profoundly changed me as a person, for the better. I understand myself much better than I did before and I feel like I learned a lot about the fundamental workings of the universe. I have stopped using speed since and feel no need to take it anymore.
In comparison to mushrooms: I feel no need to do mushrooms anymore. I guess I learned everything there is for me to learn from mushrooms. Mostly how to handle being in different states and coping with the different thoughts and feelings that you can have throughout a trip. I feel like mushrooms made me ready for 2c-e.
In comparison to 2c-e: This trip felt much brighter and much less confusing. Where 2c-e felt like going psychotic and stopped my brain from making sense, LSD made me feel more focused and gave me the feeling I understood everything. 2c-e always made me think all kinds of crazy stuff and at the time these things even made sense to me. Iíd like to call 2c-e ĎLSDs crazy psychotic sisterí.
June 12th; Since my trip I have noticed significant changes in my mindset and behavior. Iím much calmer, more positive and resistant to negativity. I no longer feel awkward around people and Iím usually ready to seize the day. Abstaining from drugs is easier and I actually manage to not smoke cannabis for 24 hours now, up to three times a week. I eat well, even breakfast! I sleep well and regularly, have more energy, visit more friends and started working out for the first time in many years. Out of the last 2 months, I was depressed only for a single day and had a nightmare once.
I can remember all sort of things that I havenít thought about in the longest time. Playing songs on guitar without chords actually became a possibility. I seem to understand people much better now. People tell me they feel understood by me and that I add a lot to their life. I try really hard to create positive energy everywhere I go and attempt to help people understand themselves and the world around them better to improve their life in the ways they desire.
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