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A Crystalline Experience of Love and Joy
MDMA
by Soma91
Citation:   Soma91. "A Crystalline Experience of Love and Joy: An Experience with MDMA (exp110639)". Erowid.org. Nov 4, 2018. erowid.org/exp/110639

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
200 mg oral MDMA (powder / crystals)
  T+ 0:00 25 mg oral MDMA (powder / crystals)
  T+ 0:00 25 mg oral MDMA (powder / crystals)
  T+ 6:00   smoked Cannabis  

BODY WEIGHT: 57 kg


I had my first and only experience with MDMA about two weeks ago, and after coming down, I became sort of obsessed about getting information about the drug and read lots of experiences. This led me to consider submitting my own story.

I am female, currently 25, and graduated as a chemist about two years ago. Naturally I have always been curious about drugs, especially regarding their different chemical structures and mechanisms of action inside one's body. However, I haven't had many experiences with drugs (other than alcohol) until a few years ago. I smoke weed very occasionaly (I've never had my own supply), and have had a couple of LSD and 25I-NBOMe (thinking/hoping it would be LSD). These experiences have always been with friends I met at college. I am overall a very (sometimes exceedingly) responsible and careful person and during my high school years I had some prejudice over these and other substances.

My friend P was having his birthday, and proposed that we got together in his house to take LSD/MDMA. We were a total of 13 people, of which one would remain sober, two would take only LSD (half a hit), eight would try candyflipping for the first time, and my partner M and me who would only take MDMA. Since I had never done MDMA, I wanted to take it alone so I could specifically appreciate its effects. M on the other hand had already tried MDMA alone and candyflipping (he was the only to do so in the group until that day), and I think that among other reasons he chose to leave LSD out this time to accompany me on my roll. I have known M a long time, and he has been with me in other first time drug experiences. He's also curious and responsible, although more experienced, and I trust him deeply. At this point, we have been dating for 5 months.

We had pizza for dinner, I particularly had no alcohol (I didn't want any kind of extra stimulation), some others did. At about midnight, people who were having LSD took their hits. M and I proceeded to prepare the MDMA to take later. We made 'parachutes', wrapping portions of about 200 mg in rolling papers. The substance was very crystalline, and had been tested; also looked beautiful as a chemical compound, with a subtle brownish hue. Then we all started watching YouTube videos until the people on LSD were noticeably high. M and I wanted to wait until they proceeded with the candyflip to take our MDMA so that we would all peak around the same time. In the meantime, we controlled the music area and laid down for a bit. The floor was covered in mattresses, and I was particularly tired so I took a little nap. At this time I was a bit worried that I wouldn't enjoy my roll completely for being too sleepy.

At about 2 hours after the LSD had been taken (about 2 AM), we took the MDMA. M advised us to kind of rip a bit of the paper inside of our mouth and feel the crystals before swallowing, since otherwise as the cellulose wouldn't be digested, some or all of the crystals might pass unaltered. The taste was bitter, although not as terribly bitter as I had been warned. M also warned the candyflipping people that they might feel the need to vomit as the MDMA hit, and that if that happened, that they shouldn't repress it and go along with it.

It took about 30-40 minutes for me to feel the effects. In the first 20 minutes I got very cold (which I thought was strange) and had to put a sweater on for a while. However, half an hour later I was feeling really warm as I had been warned, and remained in a tank top for the rest of the night. M had said that I would suddenly feel that I was floating, and that my body had no weight, and that is exactly what happened.
M had said that I would suddenly feel that I was floating, and that my body had no weight, and that is exactly what happened.
Suddenly I was dancing and kind of jumping on one of the mattresses, and felt that kind of vertigo. It made me feel nauseous for an instant, so I sat down for a few minutes and took some water. After this, I was renovated. I realized I was touching myself a lot, particularly my arms, hair and breasts, because it all felt so beautifully soft. It then occurred to me that it would be even better if someone else could rub/hug/touch me and I could do the same to them. I couldn't believe everything I had heard and read about MDMA was so literally true, it felt like a cliché (but what a gorgeous one!!). All I wanted to do was dance, especially with M, and especially if we would be touching one another's bodies. He was also completely high at this point. At this time, I felt completely awake. M put some dance electronic music on and we danced and kissed.

Around this time, two of the people candyflipping had to throw up, just as predicted by M. Also around this time, it was obvious that the candyflip people were having a completely different trip than we did. Although some were dancing, I could see that they were not feeling the music in the same way. They talked to each other more, and would laugh a lot more. We were looking very intensely at each other, dancing really close and rubbing each other. The feelings were so intense that they are very difficult to describe, and they fitted the music more perfectly than anything had ever fitted anything else.

At one point, M and I told each other that we were falling hard in love with each other. I said it first and a while later, he said it back. It was beautiful because I could feel that it was not like it happens with alcohol, when you get wasted and say things to people that you don't really mean and then regret everything the morning after. I knew that they were feelings that I had within and were only coming out with the drug's help. I was feeling as blissful as ever, feeling that everything was perfect and I couldn't be happier. It was around this time that we kissed for what felt forever, and I am certain that it was the most beautiful kiss of my life. We continued to dance, kiss and touch, until some of the other people changed the music because they found it too 'crispy'.

I was making sure there was always enough water bottles around, and I regularly went to the kitchen and filled them up. I considered it my job (in a way I thought the people candyflipping might forget to do so because of their current state). There was a mattress also in the kitchen, and on one of our bottle-filling trips M and I laid down there for a bit in the darkness, continuing the kissing and rubbing. I feel it is necessary to clarify, as many others did in other published experiences, that this loving/touching feeling was not sexual in any way. I had read (and M had told me) that having sex while on MDMA isn't always easy since some side effects include erectile dysfunction. This worried me beforehand, because I am a frisky person and was sure that I would like to have sex in that state, and it would probably turn into an awkward situation. However, during the whole of the experience, I didn't want to have sex at any time. I was feeling super frisky and touchy and loving, even a bit aroused, but it was all sensual instead of sexual. I loved to feel my and my partner's textures and reactions, and to kiss him infinitely, but dancing seemed more appealing than having sex.

Laying in the kitchen, we also remembered some of our first encounters, as a couple but also as friends years ago. It felt really nice, as if both our memories coincided perfectly (we seemed to recall exactly the same details and such). A bunch of our friends (including the one that remained sober) arrived, and wanted to join in the caressing sessions. We all took turns to be the one receiving the hugs/caresses from all the rest, and it was lovely. Then we told each other meaningful things about our friendships, again seeming like they were feelings that just never had had the opportunity to emerge. One of them wanted us to tell him what we thought were bad aspects of his personality, but none of us came up with anything. He is a particularly gentle guy, but also, none of us was feeling like expressing negative ideas to each other. At one point, P's girlfriend, who most of us met at this very event, told everybody that she loved him very much, screaming with joy. All of us applauded her declaration.

Throughout the whole experience, we all had two redoses about two hours apart: for this we picked up some crystals with our previously damped finger and sucked it off. The taste, this time, was more salty than bitter for me. Also, we had a lot of candy to eat, gummy bears and Nerds, which provided a pleasant sensation. I was not in any way grinding my teeth, and neither was M, even if I read that most people acknowledge this effect. It seemed that the people who were also on LSD had more of a problem with that. I think that maybe, it had to do with the apparently really good quality of the drug. My pupils were extremely dilated, though, and I liked looking at them in the mirror. Also, I liked to look at all of myself, I felt really light and sexy at the time.

About 6 hours after taking MDMA, we were clearly coming down, smoothly. I wanted to lay down, and we all wanted to turn the music way down. We smoked a joint to help the process, since M had read that it made the comedown easier on the brain. I did it only for that, since at this point I didn't want to smoke at all, only sleep. Before falling asleep, one of my friends started saying really nice things to me, and I was responding to them with my eyes closed, until I started saying phrases that didn't make any sense. It was strange, because I could realize that they were nonsense, and would say it afterwards 'nevermind, it doesn't make sense'. Soon after I fell asleep.

I had some trouble sleeping because I soon got cold (at some point someone brought a blanket and it felt like heaven) and later I had to wake up like 8 times in 4 hours to pee. This was really annoying, but I guess is what happens when you make sure to drink enough water.

At noon, we woke up and I felt extremely hungover, with a painful headache, so I instantly took Naproxen. We all parted ways and went home, and on the way the analgesic worked its magic. M and I remained together, and we were suddenly feeling very hungry, and had a burger to eat. Later, we took a 3 hour nap, and finally had sex: it felt absolutely amazing, not only physically, but emotionally. I am telling all this because after these episodes, I felt brand new. I felt more than 100% recovered, like I gained wellbeing from the experience: I believe this is what people call the 'afterglow'. I could not keep my hands off M though (and I am not usually a clingy person), and we remained hugged most of the day.

The following day, I went to work feeling super great, shiny and happy, still glowing, and wanting to dance.
The following day, I went to work feeling super great, shiny and happy, still glowing, and wanting to dance.
I have not felt a rough comedown at all, if anything, it left me better off. I think that spending the day after the experience with a loved one doing pleasant stuff might have been the key. Most of the people in the group felt this way, though some were really depressed afterwards.

To this day I think of those hours and rejoice, waves of warmness invade me right away. I positively think that the experience made me aware of thoughts and feelings that I had within, and that I now embrace with joy. M told me that he felt the same, and we both concluded that that night marked a milestone in our relationship (I particularly feel we are closer than ever). I am already planning in my head the next event, debating if I'd like to try candyflipping or not, because even though I am eager for something new, I also would like to repeat the glorious sensation of MDMA alone. Either way, I'll let a couple of months go by before doing so, in order to try to maintain a responsible intake.

I have never been much of a club-goer so being this drug much related to this scene I never thought that it could offer so much to me. However, the experience proved to be more than satisfying.

Exp Year: 2017ExpID: 110639
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 25 
Published: Nov 4, 2018Views: 1,210
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MDMA (3) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Relationships (44), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)

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