Citation: Josh K.. "Ancestral Recall: An Experience with Ibogaine (exp110725)". Erowid.org. Mar 4, 2018. erowid.org/exp/110725
||(powder / crystals)
Lately, in current 2017, I have been feeling the urge to once again experience ibogaine and this has made me wish to share my story on my previous experience with what I believe is the most unique psychedelic substance ever discovered. My experience was in 2008 and had a profound impact on my life, for a time a huge impact on my sobriety, and a massive impact on my spirituality.
Around that time I had developed an overseas connect with a large catalog of verified tryptamines, phenethylamines and other goodies ready to order at the whim of an e-mail and a paypal transaction. Those were interesting times. I'd receive the updated lists of the inventory offered and find things I had never even heard of as an experienced psychonaut, none more mysterious and interesting than ibogaine. I ordered it before researching it because of value alone.
Then I did some googling and discovered it's therapeutic usage related to substance abuse, its ritualistic use in African tribes as a vehicle to spiritually connect with ancestors and all sorts of amazing information. By the time the package came with the ibogaine I was itching to prepare for a serious trip. Nothing could have prepared me for this substance.
0 - I took the Ibogaine around midnight. Within minutes I felt a strange body load, unlike that of any psychedelic drug I had ever done.
Within minutes I felt a strange body load, unlike that of any psychedelic drug I had ever done.
As reference here is a semi-comprehensive list of things I've tripped on: LSD, Psilocybin, MDMA, 2C-B, 2C-T-7, 2C-C, 2C-D, 2C-E, 2C-I, DOB, DOI, DOC, Mescaline, DMT, 5-MeO-DMT, 25i-NBOMe, 25c-NBOMe, MDA, 1P-LSD, TMA-5, My words, My own feet
+30 min - Every source of light in my view began emitting spirals of blue light which became overwhelming over the course of about an hour or so, and my body began feeling heavy. While I by no means felt ill I felt compelled to lay down and remove myself from all light.
+1 hour - At this point I clearly realize I'm dealing with a drug way, way out of my wheelhouse. I tried to express my thoughts in a journal and as I tried to move thoughts to my hands and to a piece of paper a strange, almost nondescript feeling of existential gloom washed over me. I remember being frozen holding a pen, looking at a string of one word sentences feeling paralyzed and confused.
Blue light was spinning everywhere and once again light became too much. I laid back down in my bed, watching projections of past traumas and future fears play out above my body in a blue light and feeling myself dissociate from body and mind. The experience was more intense than any I have ever experienced.
+2 hours - This is where things got really, really interesting. I had been an atheist who rejected the concept of anything spiritual. I simply misunderstood it. I had long quarreled with my father who died when I was 18 before I ever got a chance to relate to him or forgive him for anything. Then I found myself laying in bed, on one gram of ibogaine, out of my body.
I essentially became two separate entities: my body, who lay on the bed paralyzed as a passive observer and my spirit, who glowed in blue light sitting Indian-style above my physical presence. My father was in blue light and a conversation took place between us. A legitimate exchange of understanding, forgiveness and love.
Time and space had vanished as I lay there, silently crying. Tears streamed down my face in rivers as I lay frozen watching what is best described as a spiritual holograph of myself and my father connecting, helping me to understand the past and understand myself. It was the single most breathtaking moment in my life and I can't forget it, can't understate its significance and can't adequately describe it.
The rest played out in a blur of emotions and what I would describe as a form of externalized introspection, which I realize sounds very dumb, but this drug essentially made me step outside my mind and body while my spirit dealt with the things it had to. Ibogaine is an amazing substance. It's not a recreational drug at all, it's nothing you'd want to mess with unless you had the need or the wherewithal to face its effects.
I've heard the concept of ego death, and never could the drugs typically discussed get me to a point where I grew from the experience in any manner other than intellectually. Ibogaine did this for me. It's reputation as the 'harsh patriarch' is deserved, and I think it did for me what my father couldn't - which is to make me face myself and take responsibility. I made tremendous changes overnight.
I was addicted to amphetamines for years, since being prescribed Adderall in my teens. After Ibogaine I was able to go months without using. I eventually went back, but the fact any time clean happened at all without a guided session was absolutely remarkable. I believe the experience itself has made me more appreciative of life itself and more understanding and tolerant of the true importance of personal accountability.
This is not an endorsement to use ibogaine without supervision or in any manner that could be considered reckless. Ibogaine is in a class of its own. When I talk about my experience I feel crazy, but that's what happened. I went out of body, turned into blue light and talked to my dead dad. That's the TL;DR of my ibogaine experience. Those African tribes who use iboga to get in touch with their ancestors are onto something.
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