DOSE:

12 g

oral

Nutmeg

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

58 kg

8:30 PM – 6 grams of powder, mixed in milk, then two tablespoons (6g) plain

Nothing happened for ages, went to bed at about eleven feeling no effects at all, felt totally normal. While sleeping, dreams become extremely weird and hyper realistic, start to hear people talking and shouting, everything I touch changes colour, start seeing my face on random objects and on people, am appearing in random places like at college but it’s hazy and there’s two or three of things, sounds are delayed etc.

Was very hard for me to actually realise I was dreaming and that I was asleep, and I couldn’t even properly remember/enjoy any of the hallucinogenic affects because I was asleep. Eventually woke up around 2am with great difficulty due to thinking I heard noises/voices in my room/footsteps that weren’t there. Fell asleep again.

Woke up at about 9am on Sunday and felt like complete and utter shit, just the worst. Everything was sore, I felt really nauseous, and the worst thing was my head was insanely foggy, like being very drunk. I could still converse normally, it just felt like I was disconnected and like I was talking on autopilot. All my actions and senses were inhibited. Did not feel hungry but was insanely thirsty and had a very dry mouth. I could not get rid of either of these and was unquenchably thirsty the whole time which was awful.

From about 10am my mood picked up and I felt the euphoric high I’d heard about, just super floaty and dreamlike. Everything was suddenly hilarious, I spent over an hour watching really dumb videos and screaming with laughter to the point of crying. Tired myself out and decided to put some music on. The bass was really heightened and I felt like I could hear the music differently, like it was deeper and denser and more multi dimensional than usual, it was awesome. Nothing really mattered to me and I just kept trying to find ways to entertain myself. Colours were more intense, so was light and sound.

However after a while, I started to worry that the foggy head space was not fading. I started to feel really detached from my thoughts and like I was too far away to get back to my usual quick analytical way of thinking. All my thoughts broke off and I couldn’t follow them through, and instead of enjoying it I started to get incredibly anxious, thinking I’d screwed up, I’d make a mistake and that I was trapped, that I’d never get back and that I was stuck here forever.

I managed to calm myself down by watching kids movies because the plot lines are all dumb and easy to follow so didn’t require much reasoning, but I couldn’t shake the anxiety. On top of that, all my emotions started to feel negative and intensely so. I felt really hopeless and like everyone in my life just put up with me and didn’t actually love or want me. I then started to question myself with thoughts like ‘why did you do this, what were you thinking, what have you done’ repeating on a constant cycle, as well as increasing fear that I wouldn’t be able to get back to my normal mental state and was stuck in this dream like, foggy hazy one. Started to have really deep thoughts like whether or not my life had mattered so far, what the meaning of intelligence is, what love is etc.

I was way too out of it to form coherent answers to anything and as a result was stuck in a depressing and anxious thought loop from which I had no distractions. I drank tonnes of water but no matter how much I was always thirsty. I wasn’t at all hungry and felt really sick, had terrible stomach cramps.

At about 4pm I thought going out might calm me down, so my boyfriend picked me up and took me shopping and out to eat. I hid it from him really well. That was the weird thing, I was able to be normal to other people but it was totally cut off from the thoughts happening in my head. I was really quiet and pretended I was sick. Walking around the shopping centre I had intense waves of nausea and at one point thought I might need to vomit and was frantically looking for toilets only to realize I was fine ten seconds later. This cycle repeated and I was really not in a good way at all, both sick and increasingly paranoid.

We were going to church afterwards which was a disaster. I started having really paranoid thoughts that I was doomed and was going to hell, and thought that I was going to die that night, even within the next hour. The thoughts of dying and hell became increasingly more paramount until I was convinced it would happen. I was in church praying frantically to God to save my soul and trying to convince myself that I wouldn’t go to hell, that I believed too strongly for that. I was debating the biggest issues in my head the whole time, planning what I would say to everyone, how I would tell them goodbye, and also had a vivid picture of meeting God and trying to apologise for everything and for all the bad decisions I’d made, only for him to tell me that it was too late and that He didn’t know me, that I wasn’t a proper Christian.

I remember begging and pleading with myself in my head and then with what I thought was God, promising all these random things like that I would convert a certain number of people to Christianity or that I would never drink again, desperately hoping that would count towards me. That church service only lasted 40 minutes but the warped mental state meant my perception of time was completely out and to me it felt like days. As soon as the sermon ended I felt like I’d reached some kind of spiritual epiphany and I was able to calm down a bit, then all of a sudden, my mood switched rapidly from complete despair to complete calm. Slowly I could feel normal thoughts returning and was able to function normally enough to have a coffee with a big group of people and make it home.

Collapsed into sleep and had a very heavy, dreamless sleep that lasted for thirteen hours, thought that was the end. Nope.
Next day was Monday and I woke up feeling only slightly better than I did the previous day. The cycle repeated itself, with a very brief euphoria followed by intense depressive feelings followed by paranoia and a fear of death/spiritual death, though closer to reality and rationality than the previous day. Still drinking excessively, and still feel incredibly woozy and drugged, do not have the energy to do anything but watch movies.

Still have not come all the way down on Tuesday though it’s been a solid 48 hours, however I now just feel exactly like I did when I was at the peak of my depression. Really scary, I felt totally hopeless and black, nothing helped at all, could not distract myself with anything, could not feel anything, was totally numb. Thought about killing myself multiple times, was desperate just to get out of it all. Was very confused as it took me six months to get over depression and then was back to it within a day. Knew it was the nutmeg but at the same time worried that I’d fucked up my mind and somehow given myself depression again, could not shake that thought.

On Wednesday, finally start to feel normal and have to unexpectedly make a really important phone call about a court case I’m involved in. This weirdly sobers me up and pushes me back to reality and I can feel the drugged, hazy feeling seeping out, replaced by clarity and a slow rise in energy. Am overwhelmed with feelings of regret and gratitude to be okay, swear to never touch another drug or any drug like substance again. Am emotional but also finally ‘sharp’ and ‘fast’ again, deep hazy tiredness worn off. Am finally able to study, have an exam on the Friday.

Totally back to normal by Thursday but has taken five days to come down, am nowhere near in the right mental state to cram for my exam and consequently do really poorly on the Friday morning. Am back to normal function and sense/motor skill wise and the ‘sleepy’ ‘vague’ feeling has totally gone, but my emotions are very shaken up and intense and feel unstable. I have intense depressive mood swings for the next few days with thoughts of suicide and flashbacks to when I had clinical depression a year ago, though they didn’t last and I was able to distract myself and get through.

It’s now two weeks later, and my emotions and moods are still not completely as they were before the trip, had an unpleasant reunion with depression and insomnia which I’m assuming were triggered by the trip. All in all that was incredibly, extremely unpleasant, the side effects were intense almost to the extent of what people describe a bad LSD trip to be like with the fears of divine retribution and death. The hallucinogenic effects and euphoria were BRIEF and DEFINITELY not worth the awful side effects. Also any come down longer than three days is hell and should be avoided at all costs.

Totally not worth it, I am an actual idiot and took way too high a dosage. Will never ever touch the stuff again and would recommend staying as far away as you can. A ten minute high is not worth five days of an emotional and mental shit storm that takes a fortnight to recover from.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 111156
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Jul 19, 2025	Views: Not Supported
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