Citation: Tripp. "Cured My Depression: An Experience with Sceletium tortuosum (exp111176)". Erowid.org. Jun 20, 2019. erowid.org/exp/111176
Cured My Depression
The title is a long shot. But.... I shall explain through out this report. This report is a collection of all my experiences with this beloved herb, Kann
For the record, it must be known to understand this report, I had a very traumatic experience with Marijuana long ago that basically scared me away from all drugs in general. After so many years though, I've grown used to some psychoactives such as Kratom, kava, etc. and began conquering this fear one by one a little, but I'm still terrified to try new ones to this day.
I've also always dealt with severe depression ever since that incident. It would randomly come and go, days and/or weeks... I could never find a cycle to these sudden bursts. I've longed for a cure ever since I've first felt this horridness.
I've longed for a cure ever since I've first felt this horridness.
A hellish emotion encased in the pit of my stomach. A hell so wicked in nature, it would have even the mightiest distraught.
In a time far long past, I first heard of this herb, just lingering unto the dark depths of my Consciousness, simply waiting to be rediscovered. Didn't think anything of it since I've heard it was way too subtle to even notice the effects so I've never bothered trying to obtain it... oh man was I wrong. This year in January, something just told me to research this herb finally after all these years. I came across a fellow online and I physically noticed his eyes became extremely dilated after taking a certain kanna extract he bought offline. That was more than enough to convince me that this herb had good noticable effects.
I bought the same extract not expecting much though. One day randomly, I awoken to the glory of a little case filled with muddy brown crumbly plant matter. I insufflated about 5-7mgs (the case said to start with 15-25mgs), again not expecting much and also being terrified of it since I was unaware of what it was going to do to me...
Approximately 2 minutes later, 'something's not right,' so I thought. With a bolt of massive energy cracking through my entire body, I jumped off the couch in great distress. 'I can't describe it but its freaking me out,' again I thought. Thinking of my long past marijuana experience, my thoughts began to race and I began pacing badly. I was totally freaking out. I didn't like it at all. It felt so bizarre. The effects very shortly began to subside and I calmed down a bit.
'It felt so strong there for a minute,' I spoken aloud to myself.
While the effects were in play, I noticed how strange it felt. It felt so much like marijuana to me. A perspective type shift, as marijuana; was great in strength. Perception of vision changes a tad, as I noticed a very subtle wave type pattern in the center field of my vision. It was beyond subtle but just enough for me to notice at least. The effects caught me off guard completely.
I was so afraid of this extract after this experience, that I threw the case in a cabinet and forgot about it until early summer. I was rummaging and rediscovered it. I figured, sure I'll try it again since my anxiety is lower today and what not. I insufflated again, 7mgs. Again, felt the same effects and kind of lost interest again.
A week later, after a massive depression attack had come and gone, I repeated the cycle. Only this time, I figured I'll abide deeper; since I felt somewhat normal today. A 15mg dose I delighted. Two minutes later, a wave of energy smacked me in the face along with that strange perception shift feeling, only this time, the positive effects we're showing their true colors.
My body felt amazing! A strange shifting warm sensation caressing my entire body. It was so intense that I actually felt hot. With the plant's essence working with and through my body, a surge of serotonin guided me upwards; surging through the pit of my lower gut. I haven't felt this serotonin positivity since I was a very young kid. A massive grin upon my face. It was amazing. My pupils were fully dilated. The strange perspective shift was more intense. It was truly divine.
But behold, the effects were seeming to desecrate very quickly. It was only a matter of minutes before I almost felt back to baseline. But the serotonin type energy lingered for a bit.
This herb takes some time to get used to. The effects are so different from any other plant I've ever tried. By now, I was somewhat more used to its bizarre effects.
At this point, I barely had any extract left since it was such a small amount initially, and it left me feeling incomplete. I went on a shopping spree. I bought a different version of the same extract and 2 ounces of fermented crushed Kanna. I awoken to the glory a week later and went to work with her. I decided I'd make a simple grain alcohol extraction from the 56 grams and then boil it down to a paste and/or crumbly nature. The other extract was for in the mean time while said preparation was processing. This new extract was of a very different colour/nature. A yellowish very fine powder amidst in this case this time. 'It looks so different, I hope it'll be good,' so I thought. Later that night I tried the extract.
I vaporized about 15-20mgs and didn't feel anything. I checked the mirror and my eyes were completely dilated but didn't feel a single thing at all. I vaporized another 20mgs and zeroed (exhaled no smoke/absorbed entire dose) both (2) deep hits. Again nothing.
I got up to fill my water and a strange cool but chilling sensation swept up upon the face of my triceps and back of my neck, as a massive wave of fear/anxiety crushed my entire existence in the heart of my body. A bolt of fear zapped down within my innards. I was in an extremely scared state and I didn't understand it. I began pacing very fast. 'Omg, I think I overdosed, I'm screwed. I'm gonna die,' thoughts like that consumed my soul... etc. I checked the mirror once more and my entire Iris was black.
I was pacing and thinking so fast that I completely forgot what I was freaking out about initially. Suddenly the fear/anxiety instantly vanishes. 'Well.. this extract blows,' so I spoke. I concluded that night with Kanna.
The next day, I noticed something beyond strange. I didn't feel that hellish feeling in the pit of my stomach while at work like I usually do. 'This is so strange,' I thought. I'm so used to feeling like complete hell while at work, but it just wasn't there. I feel a... 'I guess everything's okay' type of feeling instead with a feeling of numbness, respectively. Little did I know, the hell would soon return the following day.
A week later, I finished making my extract and I couldn't wait. The end-yield left me with a half dried brownish-blackish compacted dense powder; the other half was brownish-blackish high viscosity liquid mixed about within this small dish. Smells of a chocolate/Nutella/raisin type nature. I was stoked! I loaded a good amount into the vaporizer and went to town.
In great succession, I took three full deep hits.
The taste of this extract was amazing! It literally tastes of a mix of Nutella, chocolate, and coffee. It really is a gorgeous flavor. I was so amped while waiting for it to kick in. 2 minutes later, it beat the #$@* out of me. It was like I got slammed through a wall. The perception shift was so intense, I was greatly fascinated! The shift I speak of kind of reminds me like everything looks a little clearer with a hint of more color. I felt wide awake and ready to @*_&£€√ gooo! The warmth upon my skin of my entire body was divine. The slight vision vibration it induced was mesmerizing. But the greatest of all, the serotonin was glorious. I felt like a sugar-flooded little child once more after all this time of suffering. From the daily normal grind with occasionally severe depression, this is the greatest gift from nature.
Another minute is flying by quick. Suddenly I feel the weird cool sensation on the rear of my arms and a sharp wave of fear kick in. 'Shit, I smoked too much. Did I overdose? Oh God,' the usual Anxiolytic cycle consumes me.
I smoked too much this time. The intense fear kept up for about another minute then it suddenly shuts off and goes back to positive effects. 'How freaking strange,' I thought. The way this herb works is beyond my comprehension. I was in complete bliss. This plant's effects are so beyond different, than any of I've ever tried; it truly is a special/unique herb!
The most interesting part of all of this occurs next week. Through out all these years, this depression became so unbearable. Its been the last decade of the grips of unbearable depression. Especially after I turned 21, my emotions just kept going downhill completely for almost a decade until I came to the point where I would come home from work, I'd instantly pass out until morning to go to work again. Then I'd get home from work again and repeat this same process for months. On my days off, I'd come home from work to instantly pass out; then wake up literally just in time for work again days later. It was wretched. I felt dead and lifeless. I did not want to even live to suffer like such anymore.
I literally felt like I was dead... dead locked in the grips of a beyond hellish nightmare. I'm unaware of how I'm even still alive after it to be honest. The garbage emotions were so completely unbearable.. I can't stress that enough, but I will keep it somewhat short.
Next week arrived.
All day long, I woke up groggy, feeling like $#@* along with the hellish depression. Horrible... all I wanted to do was go home. And I couldn't. The dreadful wait to go home and sleep, couldnt be waited for. I finally got home and decided to smoke... before passing out like I normally do. I vaporized my two normal deep hits and zeroed both. The feeling in the pit of my stomach was so excruciating. I sat outside in the life-giving essence of the sun, waiting for it to take effect; that maybe, just maybe it would help this nightmare a little. To ease the pain; I wished in might.
The normal allotted two minutes pass and I instantly feel the $#@**¥ feeling in my stomach literally click off. It instantly vanished. Gone. Naught existed, the second this herb began to work it's magic. I was utterly dumbfounded. In shock of what I know of. All these years, all these herbs, methods, medicine, pharmaceuticals, poison, pain, exercises, food changes, pills, water cleaning, environment changes, adaptation, daily routine changes, spiritual cleansings, every method that I could possible ever think of that I have ever tried... to get this horrible feeling to disappear... It all suddenly boiled down to that very moment of this intervention. I still can't believe that it happened the way it did and even at all.
It literally 'clicked' off like a light. And it hasn't come back ! This is why this report is so long. This plant literally saved my entire life. And for that, my gratitude I owe. It gave me my life back.
This is apart of my gratitude. To spread this message to others that may need a boost, just as I did. As skeptic as one can be. As for as scientific as I normally think. This is the way it occurred for me. All is not perfect... but this is an insanely drastic change of the quality of my life. I will say it cured me. It cured me enough to be able to live my life....
And for that, I am forever thankful and blessed.
I haven't smoked this herb in quite a few months now and I've yet to have an attack as how I did. Ive been living so much better, I get out more, I'm totally immersed in projects, things are great compared to what used to be.
Sometimes I do feel a little eh... but this is absolutely nothing to how I used to feel. And besides, we're human; were supposed to feel everything. I just wouldn't wish how I used to feel constantly on my worst enemy. Period.
The store/brand bought extracts we're nothing compared to the one I made for myself. My home made one was far better in taste, quality, and strength. I got two ounces and boiled the extracted matter down all into one small dish. I'd normally put about a nickel-quarter sized splat of semi-liquid extract on my vaporizer.
I personally found vaporizing to be the best method. I have to zero 1 full inhale and a half to two full inhales. That is what I found with this method... even with other people trying my extract. They even spoke of one full zeroed inhale being kind of weak, three being way too strong, and two being near perfect.
I don't even know if I'm truly cured... But this herb has changed something with my brain chemistry, for the better. I do believe that it has made my serotonin receptors use the serotonin more effectively, possibly in a permanent aspect... this herb seemed to literally rewire/retrain my brain to use serotonin more effectively. I still notice a distinct emotion at work today from the Kanna. For as long as it's been since I've smoked Kanna. It has helped me beyond wonders. Beyond what I could even imagine. I feel as though this herb has been guided to me for a reason. Whatever it may be, I'm sure the Universe knows it was the right time.
I also realized that when those panic attacks kick in out of nowhere, that is when I over do it lol. It states on the Kanna case that it may induce short panic attacks if overdosed.... And myself having trauma from the marijuana experience kinda sets me up perfectly for it.
For the record, the way I feel now compared to how I used to: I feel a general sense of 'okay with everything' in the pit of my stomach along with usually a type of weak 'numb' emotion occasionally; rather than a dead horrible emotion. I'm still finding it strange and still adjusting to not feeling so crappy. It really is strange to go through my day with not feeling that certain hellish feeling.
It really is strange to go through my day with not feeling that certain hellish feeling.
It actually is a huge adjustment.
I also find it really strange/fascinating how it took quite a few attempts of dosing in general for it to actually rewire my brain in a sense. The first few attempts as I didn't expect anything really didn't do much but slap a bandaid over my symptoms the first few times. It was the day I sat outside and smoked with my dense 56 grams extract was when the negative emotions vanished and haven't come back, even without dosing for months. I am a completely new person. I truly am forever blessed.
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