DOSE:		insufflated	3-MeO-PCP	(powder / crystals)
	7 mg	oral	Deschloroketamine	(powder / crystals)
	15 mg	vaporized	MPT	(freebase)

BODY WEIGHT:

175 lb

MPT (Smoked): Beautiful Introduction to a Multi Purpose Tool
by Xorkoth
11-14-2017

Background

Leading up to this experience, I had been been in a bit of a funk for months before, but had, a few weeks prior, started to ameliorate that. My funk was basically caused by myself, I had let myself slip into patterns of abuse with stimulants, and a resulting pattern of alcohol abuse too. I had gotten to taking stimulants 3 or 4 days a week and drinking 5 or 6 nights a week, always in excess; fortunately I hadn't developed any physical dependencies. I had self-regulated and successfully quit stimulants around 3 weeks prior to this experience, and reduced my drinking to just about once a week. However, I was still having days from time to time where I felt a little off, and the day of this experience, I had been holding onto a faint baseline anxiety all day long, which had caused my back muscles to be more tense than usual and had made me feel a bit out of sorts.

My previous drug experience includes too many to bother listing them all. But of particular note is that I have only smoked/vaporized one tryptamine before, DMT. I have taken many tryptamines, but smoking base tryptamines is pretty new to me I'd say, despite occasional smoked DMT experiences over the last 7 or 8 years. My last psychedelic taken was AMT, about 2 weeks prior.

Earlier in the day, I had decided to go hang out at my friend's house after work. Sometimes when he or I (or both) are feeling down, and like perhaps we need to have some self-reflection and bounce things off another person, we decide to do a 'dissociative night', where we take a modest dose of some dissociative or other and hang out and talk and listen to music. So this night was to be one of those. When I got to my friend's house, I scraped my baggie of 3-MeO-PCP and managed to get around 3mg, and insufflated it. Then after a bit, I took 7mg of 2'-oxo-PCM, colloquially known as DCK, orally. The dissociatives were affecting me quite lightly, but noticeably and nicely. We were listening to music and talking, and I was thinking about whether or not to finally try smoking some of my MPT. I had brought it in case I wanted to try it, the same as the previous few times this sort of night occurred. We were listening to the new Shpongle album when I decided that, indeed, I would try it tonight. We were a couple of songs in when my friend wanted to smoke a cigarette, so I went out with him to split one. Upon getting back inside, my friend found an old glass pipe he doesn't use anymore (you don't want to smoke tryptamines out of a pipe you intend to smoke weed out of because you'll only taste indole for a long time!), and I weighed out and sandwiched 15mg of MPT freebase between two thin layers of ground marijuana.

The crystals were sparkly white, very dry for a freebase tryptamine, not sticky or oily, but definitely sparkly little crystals rather than chalky powder. It smelled faintly of tryptamines, the smell of indole, but extremely muted compared to DMT, MiPT and AMT (the only freebase tryptamines I've smelled so far - DMT smells very strongly in a sharp but rather nice way, whereas AMT and MiPT both smell absolutely overpoweringly rank to the point of bringing tears to my eyes).

The Experience

My friend offered me his bed to sit down on, which I did, along with one of his dogs. He stuck the portable speaker that was still playing the Shpongle album down on a side table near me and turned on this trippy light-emitting device that casts psychedelic patterns of colored light in a dome across the walls and ceiling, and dimmed the lights. I felt a bit of nervousness although I knew from discussing with others that this dose was quite low, and that MPT in general seems to have a pretty friendly non-threatening character. On the other hand, I knew that it was basically a halfway point between DMT and DPT, two of the most intense tryptamines, so I was still somewhat nervous. But, gathering my courage, and without further ado, I raised the pipe to my lips and lit the flame. I hovered the flame very gently above the bowl until I started to taste and feel the tryptamine vaporizing into my lungs. Then I moved it slightly closer so the marijuana would start to combust slowly. I wanted to be careful so I wouldn't burn the MPT, and it seems like I did a good job. It tasted like indole, but again, quite faintly compared to DMT. It was really a pleasant taste and aroma. I tasted tryptamines much more than I tasted weed, but I barely burned any of the weed. My friend mentioned quite quickly that he smelled tryptamines, with a grin. I held the hit in as long as I could, and exhaled. By the time I exhaled, I felt a little something. Within a minute, I took a second, huge hit, which seemed to get most of the bowl, held it in, and exhaled. Then I sat back to try to be cognizant of how the effects developed.

This was not like DMT, where instantly you begin to rocket into the fourth dimension. It was, in fact, quite slowly developing, for something smoked that is. For the first five minutes, all I could detect beyond my faint dissociative baseline was a body and head feel that seemed to infinitesimally increase with each breath. It felt smooth and luxurious, somewhat euphoric and soft, and entirely non-threatening. After about five minutes, I became entranced by the trippy wall lights. The device was projecting an ever-shifting web of beautiful colored strands, purples, reds, pinks, greens, blues. As I stared, and the MPT continued to build in strength, the pattern began to look undeniably 3-dimensional, popping up out of the walls and ceiling and forming structures. There were no additional patterns emerging, I was seeing the same thing I would have had I not smoked MPT, but my perception of its spatial properties was altered. I also noticed that the colors, again while not necessarily appearing brighter or more saturated, struck me speechless with their beauty. In fact, looking around, everything appeared indescribably poignant and beautiful, perfect in its own image.

After about 5 more minutes of staring around at things and not saying anything, the 3-dimensional characteristics of the trippy lights attained a new dimension. As I stared up at the ceiling, it suddenly seemed as if the latticework of lines was extending upward into the ceiling, making it look as if the ceiling were really just a skin covering the surface of a vast space behind it. I found this to be a really beautiful perception, so I tried to exclaim as such to my friend, but I felt as if effectively communicating in words was too difficult. I said something but to me it sounded halting and stuttering, and my friend just grinned at me in response. I imagined he felt awkward, and although I doubt he did, it made me feel kind of awkward. Although I felt pretty nice, I had a few fleeting thoughts enter my mind about wishing I hadn't done this while hanging out with someone. I became somewhat preoccupied with not ruining my friend's time since we were having a dissociative night, as well as not weirding out his roommates (even though I was in his bedroom and they were in theirs). I knew that these thoughts were irrational but they still affected me.

Fortunately, around 15 minutes in, I estimate, I realized I could just lay down, close my eyes and absorb into the music. So that's what I did, after intentionally stating to myself that I am going to disengage from the outside world and let it fend for itself, and not feel responsible for others or feel bad about disengaging. Shpongle was starting to get really beautiful; again, it was not like the music sounded particularly different from usual, but rather that my perception of it just felt more beautiful and clear. Almost immediately upon closing my eyes, I began to see shadowy forms begin to emerge. This reminded me quite a lot of my 32mg nasal 4-HO-DPT experience, as well as my 4-HO-MPT experience. Rather than colorful patterns, or anything mandala-like, symmetrical or kaleidoscopic, it was an unlayering of shadowy forms, almost like the darkness behind my eyelids was being peeled back. However, unlike with my 4-HO-DPT experience where it never really went anywhere beyond the unlayering darkness, this time, as I kept my eyes shut, the darkness got lighter, and I began to see. And unlike with my 4-HO-MPT experience, I was committed this time to staying in my internal realm to see where it takes me rather than interacting with my friends.

So, momentarily, I began to experience what I can only describe as visionary brain movies. They were not super bright, and I was not getting lost entirely within them, which felt like it was just because my dose was not large enough for the full experience, but they were responding to both the music and my thoughts. They were highly abstract in nature, but they basically involved scenes that were slowly shifting, that told stories, or that added to or revealed the story being told by the music. There were characters sometimes that I would follow in my mind. Increasingly as the peak crested, it was one long, ever-shifting journey into myself. I became very aware of how I was feeling. I realized that all day I had been carrying a clenched sort of anxious feeling. It was partly due to still being somewhat in recovery mode from a very late-night music playing party over the weekend, but it was more than that. I realized that my back has been feeling really tight. For a couple of years I've had this recurring spot of tense muscle right in the middle of my back, like at the level of the bottom of my shoulder blades but centered on my spine. It comes from having bad posture most of my life. I started getting in shape years ago and over time I fixed my posture and shrank the tense point down to a very specific spot, rather than my entire mid-back, but that one spot stubbornly refuses to go away.

As the music and the trip progressed, my clenched feeling began to resolve itself. The visions began to explore various aspects of my life that are causing me to hold tension. These topics ranged from tangible things such as worry over my girlfriend (both because she's away for 2 months, and much moreso because she is dissatisfied with her place in life and has recurring depression/childhood PTSD and I worry about whether she will be able to get past it), to recent battles with drug use spiraling a bit out of control. At first my visions seemed to address the conceptual reasons for my tension, but then it got more abstract. I felt as if I was descending into my body and performing subconscious processes with the intention of relieving physical tension. These journeys made total sense to me in the moment and were beautiful in this way that I really can't describe. To my amazement, as each of these body tasks was completed, I felt an actual release of a part of my muscles, mostly in my mid-back, which is where I realized I hold my tension. Before long, I felt fully comfortable and relaxed, and the body feeling of the MPT became extremely pleasurable and luxurious. I felt as if I had ingested something profoundly healthy and life-affirming. I felt as if I had just undergone therapy, both emotional and physical.

Then a new song came on, what turned out to be the last song of the album. Immediately I felt that this song was going to be different. It conveyed a profound sense of tragic loss to me, delicate and touching in the love it conveyed, yet for the very same reason, powerfully sad. And my thoughts turned to my friend who overdosed and died on opiates/benzos/3-MeO-PCP only a handful of months ago. My feelings about what happened are very complex. I knew her for a decade, and she had become one of my dearest friends, my sister from another mister, part of my friend family. We were very close and I loved her and she loved me, in an entirely platonic way. She was the wife of my friend who I was with during this trip. The last few years she had been slowly descending into a pretty profound personality disorder, and increasingly intense and self-destructive drug use that was a result of her issues. She joined my band for a while, muscled her way in and caused all sorts of trauma there to us and to herself since she was not good and was incredibly emotional and irrational about perceived slights (and some actual slights from a couple of band members). She had become very difficult to be around. Every time I saw her I was a combination of angry and sad. Not just sad, but bereaved, because it increasingly felt like she was already gone. The person I had known and loved was being subsumed by this intense need for constant affirmation and ego, and was hardly even reachable through a haze of constant drug use. Most of the time I wouldn't even recognize her when looking her in the eye. It was this fucked up feeling of grieving for her as if she had already died, while she was still alive, and every interaction with her became painful, not only because of how manipulative and erratic and entirely self-absorbed she had become, but because I knew the person I loved was still in there and I would see glimpses occasionally. We all hoped she would recover but since she was utterly unable to admit to herself that she had any problems at all, we all kind of doubted she would. But none of us expected her to suddenly die.

Because of the complexity, immensity and contradictory nature of how I feel about her, and because of the way I tend to deal with trauma, I realized that I have only cried once for her, and I have retained feelings of anger towards her. Whenever someone encounters me and wants to talk about it and/or tell me they're sorry, I clam up and feel very strange. I realized that this is a big part of what has been weighing on me, as well as the feeling that I could have done more for her. It's not so much that I feel I could have done more towards the end, I did do a lot and I don't believe anything I did was able to get through to her anyway by the end, but specifically I could have done more when she was first starting to spiral downward, and at various points along the way when I just disengaged because it was overwhelming. And I could do more to honor her memory too.

As I laid there, feeling the bereavement, she entered my visions. I saw her in her pure form, that beautiful soul who was so compassionate and empathetic, who had so much to offer. She was so vibrant, and in my visions I saw her laughing, hooping at a music festival, being a DMT fairy and blasting people off with love in her heart. I heard her laugh, which was infectious and funny. I saw all the happy scenes of her in my life. I saw her smiling, I remembered when I performed the marriage ceremony for she and my friend, for two of my best friends. As I saw these things, I was filled with an equal mixture of profound grief and profound joy. I saw so clearly how incredibly painful life was for her in the end, and how profoundly she hated herself, trying to cover it up with ego bluster and desperately needing people to tell her she was amazing. It broke my heart, to see so clearly, unblemished by my own anger towards her for her actions, how it felt to be her in the last years of her life. And probably for a lot longer than that, really. Layer by layer, my anger towards her that I still felt came apart.

I cried, tears falling down my cheeks, silently but earnestly, and then she turned to me and regarded me. I didn't feel as if I was being visited by her spirit per se, but I felt her presence as if she were there inside my head. And I apologized to her for how she felt, the terrible pain which infested her life, and the ways in which I failed her as a friend, and all the times I didn't act because it was easier for me. I gave her a hug and she hugged me back (she had the best hugs). We embraced for a long moment, and then she waved and disappeared. And that was the moment the song, and the album, ended. I'm crying a little bit as I write this, but that's a good thing. I felt an immense sense of peace fill me, a weight I hadn't realized I had been feeling was lifted. Of course the grief of my friend's passing and the nature of it will affect me for the rest of my days, but the way I had blocked myself from fully feeling it was something destructive to me. I will always be grateful to MPT for allowing me to experience my friend viscerally in her old self one last time, untwisted by mental illness, because now I can remember her that way, instead of as the infuriatingly tragic shell she had become.

I opened my eyes to see the room still bathed in the psychedelic light patterns, which still looked beautiful. I was buzzing with euphoria and awe and thankfulness, and I found that I felt pretty with it, and ready to get up and hang out with my friend again. He came back into his room and I told him I had had a beautiful experience and that MPT is some seriously good stuff. I checked the clock and it was about an hour into the experience from blastoff. I felt that I was definitely off the peak, but I retained a wonderful, velvety glow in my body. It felt good to move around although I also felt very relaxed. I stood up, and felt quite graceful, and I noticed that my back still felt incredibly loose and tension-free.

My friend and I continued to listen to more music and we basically hung out, smoked weed and talked about stuff. I had many more trains of thought that I enjoyed very much, but they're not really relevant to the report and would probably be rather dull to try to articulate. I continued to slowly come down until around 2 hours, maybe 2 and a half hours after ignition, it was very smooth and left me with a warm glow for the rest of the night, so it's difficult to say when it actually ended and turned into an afterglow. I did notice that I would occasionally have trouble articulating thoughts in the hour after the peak where I was interacting with people again, but nothing out of the ordinary with tryptamines. Also, at some point my friend's roommate came home, and I found it a little awkward to interact with him. It's partly because he's a kind of awkward guy, I sometimes feel awkward with him anyway, and sometimes we talk a lot and very comfortably, so I'm not really sure if the awkwardness I felt was due to the MPT or not. I also had absolutely no desire for, and in fact I felt disgust toward, cigarettes, for the rest of the night, which was nice.

The next day I felt really good, I felt like stress had been lifted from me that I wasn't aware I had. I had a very pleasant next day even though I had to work kind of late and had a lot to do. I found myself thinking of the experience often and smiling. I noticed that I continued to not desire any cigarettes the next day, though this effect did not carry forward into the days since.

...And that about does it for this report.

Final Thoughts

My first smoked base tryptamine experience outside of DMT was really something special. I haven't tried it again yet so I'm not sure if it was a one-off thing, but I am deeply surprised, after reading reports from others, that such a low dose provided so much content and such a special experience for me. I was not tripping hard - though I wanted to lay down and close my eyes, I feel that I could have interacted fine with people had I needed to, or reacted to an emergency - but I was treated to a rapid-fire succession of useful and beautiful moments. The open-eye visual display was beautiful but unremarkable, at this level at least, but the closed-eye visuals went far beyond typical visuals, and were instead a visionary journey. The visions were beautiful, complex and rich with meaning, and merged with the music perfectly. The way it unfolded, where the visuals responded to music and my thoughts and went very deep into meanings rather than just being a beautiful display, reminded me of LSD. Incidentally, 4-HO-MPT also reminds me of LSD so it seems that perhaps the -MPTs have some similarities there. My body actually physically responded to my experience by releasing tension in the places I expected it to, as a result of me completing abstract 'tasks'. Throughout the trip, there was a consistent mental theme of releasing tension, of letting go, and of balance.

I felt very clear-headed the whole time, particularly for how deep I went into my inward journey. And it seemed that a little went a long way. I was in light to moderate +2 territory, yet I managed to have an experience that brought me to tears and produced some real healing. I will always treasure that it helped me to come to terms some with my friend's death and my feelings about her. It also helped me to understand some of the ways in which I allow myself to become tense and stressed, and I hope to be able to carry some of those realizations forward into my daily life. The way it unknotted my back was pretty sublime and amazing. I felt SO GOOD during the whole experience, especially post-peak.

I do feel that 90% of what I felt was MPT, but the dissociatives probably had some small impact. If I had to make an educated guess, based on my combining dissociatives with other tryptamines quite a bit in the past, I'd say that what they did was potentiate it somewhat, and allow it to more optimally develop, as this has been my experience with other dissociative/tryptamine combinations thus far. I did have some sensations of movement on my inward journeys, which is dissociative-like, but then again, when i think about DMT, there is certainly movement involved in that too, and I was not dissociated enough for those feelings of manifest before I smoked MPT.

I can't wait to try this again at a higher dose, probably 35 or 40mg, since I know now I need have no fear of this lovely molecule. When I try it at a higher dose, I will certainly not combine it with anything else, so I can get a true taste of what MPT has to offer at a full dose.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 111272
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 34
Published: Dec 9, 2017	Views: 7,319
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MPT (804), 3-MeO-PCP (558), Deschloroketamine (708) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)