Disbelief About the Effects Vanished Forever
by Eleusinian
Citation:   Eleusinian. "Disbelief About the Effects Vanished Forever: An Experience with Cannabis (exp111302)". Erowid.org. Dec 21, 2017. erowid.org/exp/111302

0.3 g smoked Cannabis


This is my first full experience with cannabis ever, and the first substantial experience with any psychoactive. But first I should make an intro about myself. I am 24 years old, male, just finished university and currently I havenít anything to do. I havenít met drugs a lot in my life. Probably it is the connections one has. My circle for example doesnít do cannabis much let alone any other drug, or so I thought until recently.

In the past I thought only deviants and outcasts do those things. Back in high school for example, cannabis smokers were those who had some delinquent behavior as well. Or at least those were the ones I could easily recognize. However I have read much about psychoactive substances from then, and I realized that they arenít the universal evil we are told it is. There are plenty of user types and reasons for use. I read something about datura and its effects in the past, and from then onwards I was searching and reading about psychedelics and other psychoactives and became more open to the idea of psychoactive use and stopped regarding all drugs as evil. I have also cultivated a lot of psychedelic plants, but I have never used them.

As for personal experiences, well, until now the only psychoactive that has affected me substantially is alcohol, which I rarely drink. I have never become heavily drunk for example, to the point of throwing up. I have reached the point of being dizzy, having incoordination and telling slightly inappropriate things, but not more. Also I rarely drink coffee, so when I drink it has a strong effect to me. Kola drinks also stimulate me easily, and so I cannot drink them in the evening because I will have trouble sleeping. I have never tried tobacco in any form.

I have been acquainted with cannabis approximately two years ago by my father, who planned to use it for medical reasons like anxiety, trouble sleeping etc, and so he was seeking information on it. We were reading about it together. Here I must say that for a long time until my experience I really didnít believe that this herb has any real effects. Because it is neither classified as a stimulant, depressant or hallucinogen, and because a lot of the reports I have read or heard gave conflicting or vague information, I was convinced that it is nearly ineffectual, or that at least relaxes someone a bit and makes them sleep.

My father finally decided to cultivate the plant, and so he ordered seeds. I have witnessed the cultivation from start to end. The little seed, which when put on wet cotton in a few days sprouts, the little plant with its little leaves, the larger plant and the flowering, harvesting, drying and curing. The plant itself is a typical herbaceous dicotyledon, with a main trunk, orderly branches and leaves. To a person that doesnít know plants well I think it wouldnít raise any suspicion. However, now that I have seen it, I can recognize it. Its palmate leaves and odor are distinctive. I cannot describe the smell exactly, but it is fragrant and somewhat like oregano. If it were completely legal it would be surely classified as a fragrant herb, besides oregano, rosemary or thyme. Another remarkable thing about the plant is its hardness and resistance of its stem and leaf. No wonder it makes one of the most durable fibers known, hemp.

So my father experimented both with indoor and outdoor cultivation, and settled to do it outdoors in some concealed spots. The plants were of the White Widow variety. The first one grew well, but as they say, a weed is difficult to kill, but also difficult to make perfect, and so production on the first try wasnít so good. The next plants were more productive. The plants need a lot of light, water and fertilizer to be really healthy and productive. So I find the term weed not to describe them accurately.

The previous year I had the chance to take some weed for myself. I cut some well-formed buds from my fatherís drying crop. I technically stole them, as I didnít tell anyone, but I wouldnít have faced any major consequence if I was found out. My father doesnít give any to me, but he has given to some of his friends, and I was shocked to know that so many normal older people do weed too. He has encouraged me to grow as well and invest in a good vaporizer, but I still cannot find a good concealing place to do it. I wrapped the plant material carefully in kitchen paper, and put it in a small plastic bag. I had the chance to gather some new material this year as well, which I combined with the older stuff.

The minor experiences

My first experience with cannabis was summer of this year, when I was at a trip abroad with some of my friends. We purchased just one blunt and smoked all from it. Until then, I hadnít smoked any tobacco even. I took two hits and honestly didnít feel any effect. Neither anyone else. I was shocked however when I learnt that a lot of my friends had done weed, because they didnít fit the weed user stereotypes. So probably there are a lot of weed smokers, however they donít talk about it with non-users for obvious reasons.

After this disappointing experience, I planned to use my own stash in order to prove if there is any effect. However I didnít know even how to roll cigarettes. I tried hand rolling, but I always succeeded in spilling the material out of the joint. So I tried to use the rolling machine. I learnt how to use it from the Internet, and started experimenting with it. After a few tries, my joints were coming out perfect. Now I had two sources for material: my own stash, and my fatherís stash, from which I was able to get some more material, however it was mostly leaves. I kept the sources separate in order to compare the effects.

I smoked from the second source in total three times. I Didnít keep any date, because I didnít consider the experiences important. The first experience came after smoking one joint. I just felt myself heavier than usual, and one I thought of a particular friend, I got momentarily frightened, because I wonder if he is well or dead. I also noticed that corners and dark places have more depth to them, and imagined that inside they had water and darkness and death and rotting things. Then I felt happy when I got outside, but I donít know if it was from the weed. Or from the fact it had finally affected me. Also I got the feeling that things are somehow alive and talk to me.

The second session was lighter than the first. I got the feeling that things are as if talking to me, and also some death-related thoughts, like for example my mother is dead or when I return home I will find shrouded and decomposing bodies. However I am a death-obsessed person and these thoughts arenít so abnormal from time to time. A third try gave even lesser results. Just things seemed like they had spirits and were talking to me and songs had the feel of targeting me. No negative thoughts. After 10 minutes, it was gone. At that point I had mixed the materials from both sources and now I wasnít sure on which is the most potent. During those sessions, I didnít feel any increase of appetite which is considered the hallmark of cannabis intoxication. Neither my short-term memory got affected, just I had some confusion if I put the paraphernalia back in their places. Weed was a good sleeping aid though, as any time after use, which happened in the evenings, I felt sleepy and slept soundly.

The experience

So, an evening in November, I smoked weed another time. First I took a thin joint and smoked it at 11:00pm. Here I must say that the smoke has no resemblance to the sweet smell of the plant. It is quite harsh. I could endure it though.

After a while I again got a slight feeling that things are alive, have more depth and try to communicate with me, and also random words came to my mind. After 10 minutes, any effect had gone away. So I got quite disappointed and lit another joint at 11:12. The end of the joint disintegrated, but I still was able to take four good hits. This probably was from the potent ones with the bud material, because I started feeling more of the effects soon. At 11:17 words started again popping randomly in my mind, and also synonyms and similar-sounding words were coming up easily. For example I was thinking trunk and immediately after thought punk. Immediately after that I ran to the couch to relax and feel the effects. I forgot to say that the smoking took place at a room over my home, which is a part of it and stands atop the apartment complex. The room was dark at the time. The couch started feeling quite warm and inviting, and the blue cover over the couch was like a warm, purple blanket. I was curled like a ball on my right side and I started feeling my legs heavy.

When I realized that these were the effects of weed, I started laughing. I laughed also when I unsuccessfully tried to get up many times and was falling back again, and laughed just because I was laughing about these things. I was happy. I was elated. I hadnít any negative thought or emotion. I slowly got up, and I was somewhat dizzy. I turned on the light, and thought that the effects were gone, but when I got outside towards the door that lead to my home, I realized how high I was. It felt like the whole world was substituted with an exact duplicate, in which things werenít so normal.
It felt like the whole world was substituted with an exact duplicate, in which things werenít so normal.
Returning back to the room, I stumbled on some abnormalities on the floor and thought I was falling. I knelt down and waited, believing I would faint and injure myself. I was also thinking that I would die or that the effects would remain forever, but thinking about how so many people have used it without problems and that no one died from weed, I burst out laughing for my silly fear. I was laughing with everything and so I wanted to hear similar things, namely, that high-pitched cartoon voices that talk and laugh super-fast. I took my smartphone and typed ďlittle happy voicesĒ in Youtube, and found voices of children. Of course I meant cartoons, but the algorithm of course couldnít read my mind. I again realized how high I was and started laughing.

At 11:28 I turned on the small desk light. I was so fascinated with the bright, white light, that I jump towards it repeatedly and stared at it, so much that it dazzled me and created an afterimage, which I was afraid that would stay forever. I generally like if a place is well-lit at night, but now my reaction was 5x the normal or more. As for company, I was alone, and wished to remain so, as I felt too vulnerable for other people. If there were other friendly users I might feel good with them, but for now the human world was my enemy. I had the company of my animals though. Some of my animals were housed there. Some of them, at least those that could eat leaves, had already eaten fresh weed leaves. Both my rabbit and my bearded dragon have eaten weed leaves. I took out the snake with me. He was the male rosy boa I have, a calm, stout, approx 60 cm snake. I put it on my lap and put my fingertips on it as it was crawling away. The minute impressions of his scales created tingling feelings to the whole of my arms, as when someone caresses you lightly and you like it. It was wonderful. I also gently caressed my clothes and my hair for the same effect. It was very relaxing. The snake was warm from its cage, so when it was on me I felt a warm sensation spreading from it. Then I put it on the desk, under the light, and observed it from below. It seemed huge, and its shining head with its constantly flicking tongue by which it checks the place for smells seemed like those Komodo dragons we see in documentaries. It took a zig zag shape, and reminded me of the roads that climb on mountains, and the curves of it that shined due to the light as the back lights of the cars, and I was wondering what brand the cars where. Then it started moving away, like some type of liquid. A loop of its body started shrinking away and it was quite surreal. Then I put it back in its cage to not stress it further. I was high, but that didnít mean I stopped caring about the animals.

Then I relaxed on the couch and was slightly caressing my hair to get this type of tingly feeling. It was great. Then I just lied back with eyes closed or half-closed and started having various memories, sights and sounds in my mind, even from childhood. Musical instruments, the waves, people talking and laughing, and other sounds were recalled with accuracy. These were no hallucinations like at the hypnagogic state, these were random memories from my life. I could also consciously recall a memory quite easily. Three times I thought about my x girlfriend, in particular the good times with her at the start of the relationship, which distressed me for some seconds and then it went away. When I was opening my eyes, the effects seemed to diminish. However still effects were noticeable. For example things seemed as they had some more depth to them, and seemed somewhat changed from the normal, but I cannot describe it accurately.

After that I started to become hungry. I donít know if it was purely due to the effects, or because it was the time I was supposed to eat, but because before not long ago I ate two small hot dogs, I thought I was so much hungry due to the effects. So I needed to go out and purchase something to eat. I started counting the coins. I didnít have any problem at the larger denominations, but I had trouble counting all the smaller ones, so I quit and did it again for three times. Finally I got just more money than I needed to be sure and went down to buy something. In the elevator, I was constantly checking if indeed the keys I got were the right ones.

When I got outside, everything seemed good and happy. However I started feeling odd about other people on the street. I would like to be just alone, myself. I was walking the sidewalk and started laughing again. A small distance in front of me was a kiosk, where they knew me and I was fearful they would find out, and again I laughed with this silly thought. I also had fleeting negative thoughts about stumbling and falling, injuring myself and going to the hospital or even dying, where they would test me and they would find out what I had consumed and everyone would know and be shocked and angry with me. I have a moderate level of paranoia in my normal life as well, and I imagine making such thoughts about other things while sober, so I donít think it was purely the effect of the herb.

I finally reached my destination and went in the store to purchase a big good full sandwich. I made the order, but because in the middle of my utterance another man spoke, I got confused and the lady asked me again for what I wanted. Thankfully I got it correctly, and quickly left for a while, until the food was ready, because I thought they would know that I am high and call the cops. I travelled on a narrow dark street, but because there were some people talking at a distance, I returned back to the main way. This was probably fear due to the effects. I was then following a recently reconstructed part of the sidewalk and finding delight in the row of bright white lights there, at which I was staring. One light in particular was mounted lower than the others, approx near my height, and I felt as if it was greeting me. Then I returned back to get the food, paid and quickly went home. As I was running quickly, I noticed that I was a bit lightheaded and was bouncing, and I feared that onlookers would find out.

At 12:27am (until then I didnít think to keep any track of time), I was safe again in my home and I was eating the sandwich. I gulped it down too quickly to enjoy it properly. Everything was safe and good, but when a sudden noise came from the neighboring houses, I was fearful that there were people that could threaten me and also find out. Then I lied again on the couch and put some Bob Marley to relax. However, the effects now werenít so strong. For example I wasnít laughing constantly now. Then I got up and tossed away some trash things I didnít need, which I had lying there for an unjustifiably long time. A wooden wine barrel was like it had a face and was staring at me. I didnít hallucinate anything, just I had the mental feeling that it has a face and sees, watches and can talk. I soon felt the effects diminish even more. I was again hungry though, so I got out again. Now I was able to count the money accurately. I went to another store lest I raise suspicion and ordered a hot dog. Thankfully I was coherent. I ate it and then went elsewhere to eat again. I took another road, which was as I like it. Nearly empty of cars or people and calm. I like such conditions at night even when sober, so my happiness wasnít purely due to the effects of the herb. I wondered at the little puddles of water near the sidewalk that shined under the bright white lights. I ordered a small burger, which I quickly ate.

Now the only major effects were that things seemed more ďsubstantialĒ than usual and had a depth to them, and also open doors that showed to somewhere dark and dark corners were somewhat frightening. I was also feeling somewhat lightheaded. When I returned home at 01:30, I was nearly completely normal. My mother was there, and I was able to communicate with her, but I went to a couch and lied down.

The experience left without any hangover or any other unpleasant symptom. However, I had trouble sleeping. I donít know if it was due to the effects themselves, or due to my excitement about the whole experience. After some time though I slept. Although I remember dreaming, I didnít recall any dream in detail, which I read is a side effect of cannabis use. I am noticing it because I have trained myself to recall dreams quite well, as I am writing dream journals. I tried training to lucid-dream, but it proved quite unsuccessful and I quit. Also worth noting is that although I ate a lot that night, I didnít feel any stomach discomfort.

All in all the experience was fun and something completely different from the baseline. The most intense part lasted around 15 minutes, the core of the effects lasted for around an hour and 20 minutes, and the effects left completely after two and a half hours. I didnít have any noticeable negative side effects, like severe paranoia or panic attacks, and when I had a something close to them, it would go away in a few seconds. I could do it again in the future, and maybe in the further future I would be comfortable enough to do it with other like minded people. However, I found the effects too intense for daily use, and I cannot understand how some people use cannabis daily. Compared to alcohol, cannabis is much more benign, and I find it ridiculous that the so called rational western countries have spent so ridiculously high amounts of resources to persecute it, and have destroyed countless lives in jail time.

Exp Year: 2017ExpID: 111302
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 24 
Published: Dec 21, 2017Views: 3,302
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Cannabis (1) : General (1), Alone (16)

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