Citation: bellabluebg. "A Complete Destruction of Reality: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (10x extract) (exp111313)". Erowid.org. Dec 10, 2017. erowid.org/exp/111313
My experience with Salvia divinorum can only be described as terrifying. It was, however, an important learning experience in respecting psychedelics.
I consumed a pile of salvia about the size of a quarter (no measuring was done, we were stupid) in a makeshift gravity bong while sitting in a parked car with a guy who I had only just become friends with. I figured, hey, I trip all the time, how intense can this herb possibly be? He told me he had used it twice a day for about three days, which shocked me, as he had never tripped before that. I figured that if he could do it that often and maintain sanity, then it couldn’t possibly be that intense. I assumed it would be similar to my numerous trips on LSD and mushrooms, or that I would just be able to hold the smoke in my mouth and pretend to be a little messed up; after all, I didn’t know the person I was tripping with all that well, and I wasn’t too keen on losing my mind around him. Little did I know, that’s exactly what would happen.
He pulled out the salvia, and we loaded a bowl of the 10x strength into the makeshift gravity bong. At that point, I was hesitant to take the hit; I wanted to take a minute to center myself and prepare for what I was about to do, something I try to do before all psychedelic experiences. I was also hesitant because there were people in the parking lot, and a thunderstorm was brewing; I was unsure of how that situation would impact the trip. However, my friend insisted that I “grow a pair” and just take the hit already. So, being the slightly competitive, arrogant person that I was/am, I proceeded to load a hit up, milking the bowl to death. Then, I quickly inhaled the huge amount of smoke, which was easy to do because of my leather lungs. I held it for about forty-five seconds, not feeling anything. I exhaled, and immediately felt what I would describe as very stoned.
Things quickly disintegrated after that. I remember he was playing some song by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, a band which I generally like. I wasn’t the biggest fan of the song for tripping, though, as it seemed a little intense and strange-sounding, but again, I didn’t want to say anything and figured I would just enjoy a new experience. Something about the rhythm of the song made me think of a circus, and I started seeing transparent red and yellow stripes overlaid on the roof of my car. I looked at him and said, “It’s all a circus!”, finding my surroundings hilarious. He looked at me in a way that seemed he found what I was saying was humorous, but in such a way that I was his form of entertainment. This increased my circus illusion.
I tried to stay calm and decided I would maybe just not share details with him, so I stared out the window at the mountain we were parked at. It was covered with smallish, oddly shaped tan rocks. These quickly morphed into little living things, which are difficult to describe. They looked kind of like individual zipper pieces, but very strange. They had three rounded ends (I guess kind of lopsided fidget spinner style?), and were made of skin. They were dancing in a circle, and pulled me into this dance. I was somewhat okay with it at first, but I quickly got scared and uncomfortable. I felt trapped.
This next part I don’t exactly remember, I only remember what I was told by my friend. Apparently, I jumped out of my car and started just running through this dirt parking lot on the mountain through a thunderstorm. He said I wouldn’t stop running, and apparently, he literally had to chase me down, grab me, and guide me back into the car. I figure that during these real-world happenings, what was happening in my tripped-out mind was that I was being forced to dance with those little life-forces, and then trying to escape. I remember breathing heavily, hearing my feet, and feeling some kind of motion in my body, but I couldn’t process what was actually happening. I just thought I was caught with those little creatures. I vaguely remember yelling at him that I needed to go, and thank God he somehow got me back safely into the car, or perhaps I would have just disappeared into the mountains.
However, he took me back to what I thought was the source of those little scary creatures increased my discomfort. I literally felt them ripping my body into pieces, limb by limb, until my arms and legs were separated from my torso and head. I was looking down at that happening to my physical body, and I saw that my body looked like a doll or dummy. Yet just as quickly as they took me apart, they put me back together again. Of course, “quickly” is a relative term, as my sense of time was completely gone. I could not even fathom the past or future or even that I had taken a drug. All I knew was this somewhat hellish existence with these little things, and I could not see that reality ending anytime soon. I somehow got the sense that they had put me back together incorrectly, which I developed into the conclusion that they had put me back together in such a way that I could not exist on Earth anymore- they had put me back together in a way that I was meant to exist on some other planet or plane of existence. I felt that I simply could not exist on Earth the way I was feeling at that moment, and that feeling made me feel indescribable pain and sadness, for I didn’t want to leave Earth. Some part of me knew that I wasn’t meant to leave Earth then, as the only way I figured one could leave Earth was death. I realized how much I loved Earth and didn’t want to leave, and felt so much despair and pain.
At this point, the herb started to wear off very slowly. I started to somewhat recognize that I was on Earth, but I felt like a stranger. I knew that I had been in the inside of my car before, but I didn’t recognize it as a car on Earth. I felt like a baby, just a pure channel of life force with no ego attached. I didn’t even realize that I had smoked anything, I just felt like I had been born right then and there. I could not figure out who I was, any of my past experiences, or how the other being in the car had any relation to me at all. He kept asking me if I was done with my trip and what happened, but I don’t really remember understanding him, because I didn’t even realize that I had taken a drug. All I could say was, “I don’t know.” Somehow, I started piecing together that I was a human on Earth.
Somehow, I started piecing together that I was a human on Earth.
But I started trying to figure out how I had gotten there, as I still had no idea where I had come from or why I felt so terrible. I was covered in water from running through the storm and spilling a water bottle, and I had no idea how that happened. I eventually pieced together my identity, but I felt very scared and alone. My friend was loading up his hit as I was recovering, and in my still mildly trippy state, I tried to tell him to stop, that he shouldn’t do it because it was going to hurt him. He disregarded my statement, and I kept telling him to just give me a little more time to recover so I could make sure he stayed safe. Naturally, he took his hit anyway, and I was left trying to take care of him, as he kept asking me strange questions that no one is really equipped to answer and making bizarre statements. I responded the best I could, trying to remain positive, wanting to give him the support that I had lacked during my experience.
After our experiences, we discussed our trips. I was thoroughly shaken up, and I needed comfort in adjusting to this reality again. I ended up calling a close friend who I have experienced 90% of my trips with. This was due to the fact that I felt uncomfortable with the friend who provided the salvia because of his method of trip-sitting, which was to take entertainment from my fearful, completely drugged-out state. I don’t blame him, of course; I chose to take the salvia myself, being arrogant and wanting to feed my ego, as I had a reputation for being able to “hold my stuff.” I went into it knowing that he was inexperienced with tripping, as his days-long salvia binge was the only trip he’d ever been on. I was clearly wrong, and my salvia experience affected me for months. I felt tripped out and just wrong, because of the way I felt when I got “put back together.” I wish I had done salvia with closer friends who would have been better able to aid me in that journey, because I feel like salvia could truly be helpful for personal development and a worthwhile experience. I don’t know that I could do salvia again though, at least not for a while, just because of the extreme fear and trauma I felt. If I were to do it again, it would probably be an even scarier trip, just because of the fear I would have leading up to it and past associations. I will try it again, but only after I’ve completely healed from this experience, and only in a completely safe environment with a reliable, skilled trip-sitter.
I’ve been trying to integrate this trip, as I feel there is definitely something to learn from it. However, I still don’t remember all of it, and it was so scary for me. Plus, it sent me into a seriously tripped-out, mildly depressed state. I’ve at least learned to put more effort into set and setting, and always respect psychedelics, regardless of their effect on other people.
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