Citation: BhMc. "An Inward Dive: An Experience with MDMA, Ketamine & Cannabis (exp111330)". Erowid.org. May 7, 2018. erowid.org/exp/111330
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This report is being written as a means of allowing me to express an experience that happened just under one week ago. Not only did this experience offer myself profound personal insights, it allowed me to delve deeper into the realm of psychedelia then I previously had thought.
To set initial context, I had been both anticipating and preparing myself two months prior which involved a complete abstinence from all substances including alcohol due to both personal commitments and the fast approaching university final examinations that required my undivided attention. It is worth mentioning that within this time period I was consuming multivitamins and 5-HTP supplements every other day. Furthering this point, my experience with MDMA has spanned over two years with countless rolls under my belt. Overall, my mindset coming into the experience was rather adequate. However, it is valuable to recognise that there were vast feelings of apprehension and nervousness throughout my preparatory phase not due to the upcoming experience I would embark on, but rather based on the underlying responsibility to perform well in university. These anxious feelings were often brief and promptly dismissed as I was aware of the amount of effort I was exerting myself in study. For clarity, this report will be subdivided into two main sections; the club phase, and then the introspective trip at home.
Now, to set the initial setting of the experience. Firstly, the event was being held at a local pub/club bordering the inner-city suburbs of my home town. A record label was responsible for throwing their 5th birthday party here that was to be a full 12-hour rave with a vast variety of both local and international house and techno artists. I was to not be consuming any alcohol on the day of the experience and chose to eat somewhat lightly but ensured my meals were satisfactory enough for me to sustain energy. My buddy (who will be referred to as D) and I entered the venue at approximately 10:15pm. We went about walking throughout and gathering our bearings while finding the water station and the smoking area where we would be able to chat under the humid summer night air and whiff of Marlboro gold cigarette smoke. I had previously purchased 350mg of MDMA and a half gram of ketamine from a somewhat reliable distributor that I have known for a few months. The MDMA was split into two parachutes weighing at both 150mg and 200mg, while the ketamine was simply kept in its opposing bag. D was to be only consuming a small amount of ketamine and nothing else. D was welcoming and hospitable in understanding my reasoning to be consuming such a large amount of MDMA by being aware of my preparatory phase abovementioned and my urge to explore things to their fullest potential.
At 11:30pm I consumed the 150mg parachute orally with a swift gulp of water while the venue started to fill with patrons eager to enjoy themselves and get the ball rolling so to speak. Mentally, I was extremely comfortable with this setting as I knew the environment would suit the experience that was to come in an inextricable way.
I was extremely comfortable with this setting as I knew the environment would suit the experience that was to come in an inextricable way.
At around T:30 I noticed the first effects of the MDMA come-up coursing throughout my body. I could feel this incredible nervous energy building within my stomach and torso that seemed to intensify as time went on. The second initial effect noted was that my visual perception was encapsulated within this glowing aura, almost as if I was in such incredible tune to all the environmental cues surrounding me Ė the people, the lights, the music. Personally, I have never really encountered such harsh come-up periods over my time using MDMA and simply denote it to the fact that I remind myself both prior and during that it is inevitable. This does help me manage it quite well.
At around T:45 I was able to notice that the uneasy tension that had built was beginning to subside while feelings of warmth and euphoria seeped into every corner of my being at an exhilarating force. At this moment I turned to D with a grin from ear to ear and he returned a smile back while stating how inebriated I looked. I didnít have a care in the world.
Between T:45 to T:2:30 I experienced a plethora of sensory alterations which included an increased awareness of touch, coupled with an ever increasing appreciation of the people around me. At 150mg I was rolling quite significantly and a lot more than I have previously. Within this time period D and I continued to dance and walk around the two encompassing rooms meeting friends and chatting. By 2am, I began to plateau albeit slightly and consumed the final 200mg parachute of MDMA just as the headliner came on to play.
In a matter of twenty minutes after consuming my second dose I was becoming increasingly aware of how fast it was hitting me. This time the euphoria present was building at an exponential rate as I fell increasingly down into complete sensory alteration. I closed my eyes and was engulfed in vivid closed eye visuals in the form of fractals and shapes, each with their own colour spinning at mutual rates. These visuals would morph in rhythm with the ever-encompassing music that had swiftly shot me off into space. Dancing became effortless although slightly hindered based on how consumed I was. In this time period I was much more centre focused, even though I had absolutely no shame in being able to communicate and socialise with people, the experience rather took on a much more spiritualistic form. I chose to accept this and allow it to take me on a visual, perceptual, and imaginative journey into the vast corners of my mind. As I began to peak on the second dose, my empathic feelings were so incredibly strong that I was able to feel the energy of everyone around me. Not only were waves of euphoria and bliss crashing over my conscious reality, waves of feeling, emotion, love and care from the people around me were taking control. My spatial awareness had taken a slight shift and there were moments of the peak were the body load was significant and I needed to sit down and rest. However, for majority of the roll I was overcome with restless energy that provided me with the ability to dance and socialise at my fullest potential. Physiologically, even though the club was quite humid inside, I was sweating profusely more so than I ever have on MDMA and believe it was due to both dancing and the high dose I had taken. The intensity of 350mg of MDMA was quite extreme, and if I were an MDMA-naÔve individual it may have been quite overwhelming, unbearable and even dangerous.
At around T:3:00 I began to realise to the fullest degree of how high I was. As mentioned above the roll was taking on a rather spiritualistic form and I became aware that I was simply existing as a single entity floating around. What I mean is that It felt as if I myself was the centre of the universe and the people, conversations, lights, and music were perfectly orchestrated for this particular moment. When I would close my eyes and be consumed by vivid imagery it would allow me to explore a plain of existence previously not available to me in my day-to-day life. I would be carried along this cosmic wave for what seemed like minutes and then instantly fall back to earth once I opened by eyes. Being able to distinguish both planes and choose which one I would want to be consumed in demonstrates how introspective and versatile an MDMA roll can be.
Between T:4:00 to T:500 was when I decided to insufulate the ketamine I had on me. The reasoning behind choosing to consume the substance four hours after my first dose of MDMA was based on the premise that it would help reinforce and continue my roll. By this time it was 4am and I had two key bumps of ketamine equalling to around 25mg each (roughly). The analgesic properties of the K were the first to take effect around five minutes after the first bumps. Not only was my sense of touch extremely heightened by the MDMA, the K was responsible for completely numbing my body from head to toe. Both effects seemed to reinforce each other and again resulted in the previous waves of euphoria mentioned above returning. There was slight disorientation in that my movement when dancing was much more laboured. Not to the extent of a 100+mg dose of K, but rather more delicately, just enough to be noticed. Closed eye visuals emerged again but in this case took on a much more vivid appearance. My conscious alteration was occupied at a much deeper level now and there were times when I was unaware if I had my eyes open or closed, rather the image I was seeing was the same. In addition to this noticeable effect, the music had a much stronger undertone to it. In other words, both substances allowed me to be completely consumed by music to the extent in which I was able to perceive each particular sound and appreciate the harmony of each tone complementing each other. In addition, the K allowed me to explore the spirituality of the trip at a more obscure and abstract level, while the MDMA metaphorically placed its hand on my shoulder and guided me throughout.
At around T:500 I chose to leave the venue and a call a cab home. My first interpretation once leaving was that perhaps my roll would begin to drop off and I would slowly comedown based on the environmental cues changing from a club context, to an outside setting. Boy, was I wrong. Inside the cab I was still rolling significantly and noticed that even my visual perception was still altered with tracers appearing on car headlights and street lamps having a metallic rainbow glow to them. My cognitive processes felt inundated with serotonin and all I could do was sink into the leather seats of the cab and respond to the driver when prompted. The drive was pleasant, I knew that once I would arrive home I would be taking things further, the night was still young.
At 5:15am I arrived home and insufflated two final bumps of K equalling to around 50mg. Once interacting with the foreign properties of my front door I entered my room and loaded a bowl. My motor skills were increasingly affected and I was unable to see that well in front of me. Once I lit the flame from my lighter all I could see was this orange blob, hovering, and it took a lot of will power to move my hand to the plant material packed inside my bong and inhale. At this point my motor skills were increasingly hindered and I needed to remind myself to move my limbs. The rip was large and forceful, I held for a couple seconds and then exhaled. Instantly, I was completely engulfed and frozen for what seemed to be hours but in reality was minutes. In this initial five-minute period from hitting my first bowl all I could to was be still and let go completely. Open eye visuals emerged with the furniture in my room behaving in an acid-esque way and began merging together. My vision would then morph into a vortex and I would begin to see images of things I have never perceived before.
Unfortunately, my memory of this period of the trip is somewhat spotty. I decided to look at myself in the mirror and saw all my features in such an incredibly precise way. When I stared blankly my face would begin to twist and morph and change shape at a slow pace. I noticed that when I stared into my eyes my face would then appear where my pupils are and begin to enlarge until the image fit the portion of my entire face. This process would repeat itself until I looked away. These open eye visual vortexes would continue for minutes until I was able to somehow regain composure and focus on my present room. This was increasingly difficult as I simply was struggling to control my behaviour.
Once I did regain composure I decided to pack another bowl and hit it. The second rip was the final nail in the coffin as I was unable to simply move. I laid down on my bed and was consumed in vivid open eye imagery in the form of shapes, and patters, all morphing into one. Each corner of my vision was inverted inwards meaning wherever I looked my vision would be morphing constantly. I remember looking at my phone and seeing the screen melt completely off and then begin to float off into the distance. Each app icon on my phone would spiral and then begin to enlarge. In this time period I managed to put on headphones and listen to some music. The most noticeable difference was the extreme time dilation that was present. An intro section of song felt agonizingly long as a laid down and listened with each tone and beat creating a flurry of colour and motion within my mind. Time being increasingly slow allowed me to coherently analyse music at a much deeper fundamental level. It felt as if all my pre-existing conscious sensory filters had been completely removed
It felt as if all my pre-existing conscious sensory filters had been completely removed
and the stimuli I was experiencing was completely pure and free of pre-existing knowledge, and stereotypes. The music became somewhat overwhelming and I chose to remove my headphones. This next period was when I experienced complete introspection about myself and personal character. I was able to visualise myself in the eyes of everyone around me, I became aware of the trajectory my life was currently taking and how there are certain aspects that do need tending to. I then visualised myself not only in the present, but in the future, and how if I did not tend to certain negative aspects of my personal life I would end up in a undesirable place. This introspection was completely unadulterated that it aloud me to realise that I do perhaps need to change in some areas of my life.
The open and closed eye visuals continued for another one and a half hours until around T:6:30 when I eventually passed out. All three substances worked together to provide me with a completely introspective, spiritual, and visual journey that has enabled me to delve deeper into my own personal existence. Most importantly, I have a new profound respect for substances and how they not only provide me with an experience of complete awe and wonder, but also being able to tease out certain parts of my life that may need to be thought about again.
T:0:00 - 150mg MDMA Oral Crystal
T:2:30 - 200mg MDMA Oral Crystal
T:4:00 - 50mg Ketamine Insufflated
T:5:15 - 50mg Ketamine Insufflated
T:5:20 - 2 bowls Cannabis Smoked/plant
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