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Communing With My Deceased Mother
Salvia divinorum
by intrsrchng
Citation:   intrsrchng. "Communing With My Deceased Mother: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (exp111469)". Erowid.org. Apr 30, 2018. erowid.org/exp/111469

 
DOSE:
1 bowl smoked Salvia divinorum (extract)

BODY WEIGHT: 150 lb


I purchased some 10x Salvia online in the autumn of 2017. It had been several years since I’d last ventured into Salvia’s realm. I had taken Salvia twice before, once to horrifying effect, the other being a profoundly instructive, liberating instruction. For now, though, I’d like to focus on my most recent experience.



I took the Salvia mid-morning on a Saturday. To mentally prepare myself, I cleaned my room, made my bed and turned off the lights. The soft daylight through the window was very comforting. I lay in bed and meditated. I wrote out my intentions and my emotions prior to dosing. What was I seeking? What was I open to? Was I willing to relinquish myself to Her will again?



Once I felt adequately prepared, I began taking single, small hits, held for around 15 seconds. I wanted to experience the threshold sensations and perceptions that may arise, so as to not be overwhelmed once I fully dove in.



After the first exhalation of smoke, I felt a strong sensation of my body being separated, and those sections of my body being revolved out in front of me and back again, all at different speeds and distances. It wasn’t uncomfortable, and almost felt soothing. There was a pleasant warmth.



Over the course of one hour, I continued like this. Take a small hit, wait and see… Repeat…




Over the course of one hour, I continued like this. Take a small hit, wait and see… Repeat…




After feeling properly acclimated, I took in a large hit and held it for some time.

 As I exhaled, I felt myself forget where I was and what I had been doing. I forgot time. I forgot myself.



All I was focused on was the lantern above my bed. It is a large paper lantern, reminiscent of Japanese lanterns, somewhat like a chōchin, white and unmarked.

 The lantern transformed. It split into two. The metal wiring keeping the inside of the lantern taut had morphed into two entities. These metal and paper beings were revolving, much like my body had done at the outset of the whole experience. I watched them dance and spin across my ceiling. They felt foreign to me. They were alive, not at all malicious, but indifferent. The sense I had was akin to an animal attempting to relate to a tree. The tree and the animal share the experience of life and death. However, those two subjective experiences are presumably quite different. Who’s to say what a tree feels, but I could sense that these dancing beings did not necessarily have emotions. They were either at peace, or indifferent to existence in general.



I wanted to communicate with them. I spoke with them telepathically. I asked “Is my mother here?” They both confirmed without speaking: “No, your mother is not here.” At that moment, a hand made of indigo and violet hues reached into the space from another dimension. It stretched like putty and tore in places. It was my mother, reaching out to me.



'Mom, is that you?'

I wanted to hear her voice. What should I do? How can I move on?

Mom?

She existed somewhere, but not here.



Now I understood why Salvia had called me back one last time. I thanked the spinning wire beings for their time and patience, and I left.



Upon realizing sobriety again, I sat with the feelings and absorbed the experience, silently, for an hour or so.



My conclusion, three and a half months on, is that if Salvia had sought me out for this last experience, it was to show me that my mother and I now exist in different realities. Regardless of my will to commune with her once more, I need to live my own life to the very best of my ability. I need to live with love for all beings. I need to live in a way that will honor my mother, and myself.

And I will.

Thank you, Lady Salvia, for again showing me your light. I will make use of the lessons you’ve taught me.


Exp Year: 2018ExpID: 111469
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 25 
Published: Apr 30, 2018Views: 525
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Personal Preparation (45), General (1), Alone (16)

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