Citation: youknow. "The Theory of You: An Experience with LSD (exp111604)". Erowid.org. Dec 12, 2018. erowid.org/exp/111604
||(blotter / tab)
A sunny mid-summer Sunday, 4th of February. A local park in the heart of the CBD. The time is 1pm, as I sit down on a park bench soaking in sunrays admiring the cityscapes that stand in front of me, I place two tabs of Lysergic Acid Diethylamide (LSD) under my tongue. There is no taste, just a subtle odd sensation. The blotter has been acquired from a trusted source who has ties to the dark net. The product is genuine and has many good reviews, each tab containing approximately 100-150ug each. My mindset is positive, I have been waiting for this moment for around two years, and I have taken the required steps to ensure that the experience will be nothing short of positive.
While sitting down the first initial effects became present at this time. There was a slight perceptual shift in that objects looked much more ‘fixed’ in their position. Building angles became more prominent and stood out.
Slight stoning feeling of the face, also a slight build up of tension within my jaw. Music results in small bursts of euphoria and I cannot help but laugh. There is an overall feeling of calmness and complete serenity.
Writing is beginning to loose its significance, I can’t help but feel that in this moment it is meaningless. There is a much stronger urge to sit and be still – take in everything around me for it is all we ever had, and we are it.
Unfortunately, that is the end of my handwritten notes that day, the rest will be written from my memory and reflection of the experience. So timing will be estimated, but nonetheless still important. Each ten-minute time interval between the forty-minute mark to one hour after ingestion, introduced a sensory layer to my perception. Colours became more vibrant, the grass and tall trees that surrounded me swayed with life, and I noticed I was able to perceive a single blade of grass or leaf on tree in such incredible detail and focus. My visual field became increasingly tuned into my environment and enhanced as each moment went by. I decided to stand and walk around, this swift feeling felt unusual, not necessarily laboured, although walking felt slightly off. There was no noticeable body load, but being still felt more comfortable. I began to feel increasingly euphoric and at peace, the subtle changes that were occurring felt smooth and clean. At that moment I felt as if this compound needs to be respected, for it will then respect you. The next sensory change was auditory, music sounded much more clear and I was able to pick up on all the subtle changes within a songs melody. I came to realise that the music sounded louder, although the volume was not changed, simply I was hearing it at a much more coherent level. The next series of events will describe the peak of the experience which lasted for four hours.
Looking down at my skin I was confronted with it morphing and changing colour. I was able to see the veins within my body, the inner workings of my muscles and the blood that runs through them. My sense of touch became quite altered, my skin felt almost like a rubbery substance, smooth to touch, but almost completely alien. Looking down at the creases within my clothes, I saw a swarm of patterning and shapes, both moving and forming on the flatter surfaces of fabric. What wonder in looking down at such ordinary pieces of clothing that we wear each day, yet seeing such complexity in their simplicity. Much like the experience Aldous Huxley describes with Mescalin within his novel Doors of Perception, I could see that each garment holds a story, it shapes who you are as a person, and yet we seem to overlook such simplicities in the favour of more mundane things. The next perceptual shift was that time ceased to exist. The numbers that presented themselves on my phone became worthless. I tried to contemplate what they meant, although my attempt was futile. The inner workings of my life were slowly being untied, all I ever knew had slowly slipped away. This confrontation with this altered space did not worry me, for I knew that fighting such state would carry no meaning whatsoever. Instead, I aloud it to take control, let it be, do not be scared, be open, for when you become open you learn.
Sitting down I came to a very sudden realisation that there was such a strong female presence accompanying me. What a divine, beautiful, nurturing, elusive, calm yet firm entity she is. As if the cosmos so delicately entered my body and manifested itself as Mother Nature. Through her I could see, endless desires, emotions, thoughts, and feelings that flourished into my visual field. These ideas to the normal being can only be expressed though verbal phrases, or symbols, yet she aloud me to perceive these subjective phenomena for they truly do exist through colour, shapes, geometric layering, all part of a plane of reality that chooses to stay hidden. In this moment of clarity, I realised that as human beings our consciousness has evolved over thousands of years to repress this way of seeing and experiencing life. If we were to see a lion in-front of us, its exquisite mane flowing with such detail, a stern, determined face, with piercing hazel eyes full of life, we would forget that this is a predatory animal, and then in the next moment, we would be gone. Over time, we have evolved into a collective conscious being that has many psychological defence mechanisms to protect us from environmental stimuli, for we would simply be very vulnerable animals to be in this altered state of consciousness for our entire existence. This realisation also demonstrates that this way of seeing life through her elegant grace is just as much part of us as normal reality is, much like the shamanic visionaries who have used the likes of Peyote, Mescaline, and Ayahuasca for thousands of years, we too, share this primal urge to see what lies beyond.
Her sophistication enraptured me for the remainder of the experience. I felt so incredibly alive at that given moment, full of ecstasy. My visual field at this time became inundated with colour and motion, almost blinding me. Looking around at grass I was able to see each shade of green which would eloquently merge and shift together, swaying in the gentle breeze. This motion combined with colour change created an almost cartoonish like landscape. Although that term is rather inadequate to describe what I was seeing. I believe seeing the beauty in colour from my environment may have contributed to my perception of the female entity accompanying me, although it became apparent that the beauty has always been in front of me, instead she has tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me to look, it is right in front of you. This cosmic feeling that had entered my body became stronger and her presence illustrated the significance of every living being around me. People began to sit near me, reading, laughing, walking their pet dogs. Each full of life and wonder, each living in their own complex reality with their own relationships and spirituality. This entity began to teach me that we as humans are equal, we all share a common foundation, and that it is up to you as the individual to create beauty in this world, for it is essential for existence.
During this period of time more realisations came to me. Living things move through the ecosystem. Each being transfigures the space around them to produce movement, behaviour, emotion – all integral parts of life that resemble our finite existence. I could see each individual around me flow through this delicate ecosystem with an abundance of energy. Each being had an aura that would trail off behind them, a small child full of awe and wonder playing at the stump of a tree, a cyclist – fast, determined, a place he must be. Each aura matched the individual character, through this was the passage into understanding the intricacy human consciousness carries. This endless energy that flows through the ecosystem carries in itself character, behaviour, and emotion. Therefore, not only do humans as tangible beings feel and move, but so does the body aura that encompasses them shape the more intangible environment and most certainly effects the way the world feels too. This is a significant realisation in that consciousness has the ability to flow intimately between our own reality and one which exists if the individual chooses to become open to it. This process in itself allows compounds like LSD to unveil the curtain of life through which we can glimpse into a world that resembles far from our own, yet it is.
My mind began to entertain these concepts with ease, the answers to what I was seeking felt so apparent, yet I would arrive at where I began. These answers aren’t ones to come easy, for they are there to simply guide me, to direct my understanding and self-progression, for these answers are simply inside of me. I am it.
Physiologically, at this moment I began to realise that I was grasping the grass around me quite firmly. I also seemed to be holding my breath. Realising this I centred myself. Everything was extremely overwhelming at this point although not in a negative way. Instead I felt as if I did have some form of control, but I felt more in-control when the substance had taken over me.
I felt as if I did have some form of control, but I felt more in-control when the substance had taken over me.
I know that may sound paradoxical, but I was most comfortable when completely engulfed. My bladder was full and so I began my journey to the public restroom. Sunglasses helped ‘tone’ down my environment slightly. Inside the restroom it was quite claustrophobic, the walls were changing colour from violet, to yellow, back to white and this process would repeat itself. Small droplets of colour splattered all around the inside of the restroom – blue, green, purple. Looking at myself in the mirror I saw a version of me that was so incredibly elegant. My features smooth and textured, pupils completely dilated, slight smirk. I noticed that my reflection was covered in a film of purple mixed with yellow. The merging and morphing of all the physical properties around me gave life to a very dull, dirty place. Something so bleak can have such a profound impact when under the influence of this compound. Truly, this entity in all her tranquillity showed me life in absolutely everything.
Walking back to the park I stood at the intersection looking at people around me, completely oblivious to the way I was which created a sense of amusement. I was engulfed in a reality completely far from everyone else. The faces of people morphing into obscure shapes, their hair changing colour, the ground swirling in mystery, yet I was the one to know when to cross the road before anyone else, oh the irony.
Back at the park I chose a new location on the grass to lay down. Looking up the clouds above me moved with such swiftness, silky like smoke, flowing in such detail. The edges would twist and contort in ways not possible to produce patterns and shapes all evenly presented. There was a moment when the clouds formed into these alien-reptilian creatures, standing on their all four legs peering down onto the world. This image was not sinister, rather it felt quite calming, knowing that these entities lived amongst us at every moment. They showed me that we are welcome to experience this alternate reality for they are just as part of us to the skin on our body. Across the sky formed a grid of geometric patterns and shapes multiplying into the thousands, glowing in a colour for which there is no name. In the centre of my vision an hourglass like structure formed and began to turn, each twist illustrated to me its multitude of angles with infinite complexity. At this moment I realised the peak slowly beginning to end and I was plateauing. A breath of fresh air.
As the day turned to dusk, I felt more comfortable walking throughout the city. As the sun was setting it illuminated a rich orange glow across the entire skyline. This glow was incredibly vibrant, with the dazzling, dancing swirls still swaying in my vision, I was at complete peacefulness with my existence. Seeing the city come to life at night with its various glowing lights gave the end of the experience a nice feel. It created a sense of flavour as I not only experienced day time visuals, but also night. Street lights and car headlights had this incredible glow to them, a piercing light completely full. The red of car taillights would flow behind as they drove off. I chose to sit down near a wharf and watch the magnetic substance of water undulate and turn with ease. As the effects slowly reduced, I contemplated the day and reflected upon what had happened.
To conclude, the full trip lasted for a total of 10 hours, peaking for four hours, with a plateau for another two hours, and a slow drop off for another four hours. Being my first experience with a psychedelic compound I realised that one must tread very carefully. For these compounds offer such incredible insights, but only if one chooses to be completely open and psychologically ready.
I learnt a great deal about my existence that day, but upon reflection I began to realise that I know so little.
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