Citation: Mr Guy Whos Fly. "Fighting the High: An Experience with Cannabis (exp111720)". Erowid.org. Mar 28, 2018. erowid.org/exp/111720
It was 2 AM. I had just returned from a small get-together with a bag of weed and was thrilled to spark up for my first time.
I thought I knew what I was getting into. I'd read thousands of articles, journals, scientific documents and watched at least a dozen documentaries about it. I could clearly imagine how it would go down, but I didn't anticipate this.
I proceeded to pinch a decent-sized nug and placed it in a borrowed glass pipe, admiring the amazing psychedelic explosion of colors created by some fancy glass blowing business. I've always been interested in ethnobotanics, even before trying any, and this night would have me enter the realm of psychedelics that I now wander today.
I thought I was careful.
I let my lips touch the mouthpiece of the glass, lowering the glazing fire erupting from the cheap lighter and charred the psychoactive plant material, all of this while inhaling.
Smoke filled my lungs. Thick, damp, savory smoke.
I exhaled an enourmous cloud, and immediately started feeling anxious about this. I didn't even know why, but the feeling of adrenaline and fright rushed over my abdomen. But I kept it together, still not feeling the effects. As I started walking back inside, my legs felt as if they got longer, almost repeating themselves for all infinity, for each step. I still felt sober in my head, but that changed about 10 seconds later.
I got inside, and my world started dissipating. The undoubtedly clear wall between dreaming and living scattered to dust before my eyes, while I fell on the floor, still not comprehending what was going on.
Dream. 'No, I'm awake'. Dream...
'Oh shit, I was dreaming... No, this is weed.'
'What's going on?' I thought to myself. My arms felt as if they were pulsating outwards, so did my legs. My heart was racing (I measured it to 150 BPM with one of those finger things). My first thought was that my weed had been laced with something else, and I went on google looking for the poison control number, constantly getting lost in thoughts.
Reading a few reports calmed me down a bit, but I was in for one hell of an uncomfortable ride.
I hated it. And loved it. I could finally experiment with another mindset, but this positive thought was shadowed by the terrible fright and anxiety. I didn't know what to do. People say that you should just sleep on it, but these people have never tried sleeping with a heart rate of 150 while having sick anxiety, nausea, and other uninviting symptoms.
I couldn't stop smiling. My body was electric, feeling every movement as repeated waves of trance. I felt like a crackhead, walking around as if I had a screw loose.
I sought absolution from my own primate brain. 'Stop terrorizing me with your angst and insanity' I yelled inside my thoughts, trying to get a word in the ten other inner conversations. It didn't listen, but I reckoned it could only get better over the night, and it did.
Looking back, I don't think I realized how connected I felt to everything. I had simply just dissolved into molecule soup, fusing with everything else. Like brown sugar being stirred into a cup of coffee.
The thoughts afterward had a lot of insight and good vibes, mostly from relief, but also from having experienced such an amazing thing. Despite all the terrible and confusing effects, I still loved it.
I loved it dearly and still do.
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