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Melting Into Myself and the World
by clelyne
Citation:   clelyne. "Melting Into Myself and the World: An Experience with LSD (exp111729)". Apr 26, 2018.

  oral Alcohol - Hard  
  1 hit oral LSD (blotter / tab)


At this point in my life I wasn’t an avid drug user, and still to this day I am not. Introduced to acid by two close friends, my friend, L I will call her, and I decided to buy two 100 micrograms tabs of LSD from a kid in the neighborhood. The exact date I remember was May 2, 2017, and the first time we had tried drugs was April 14, 2017. L and I went from a day experience with marijuana to trying a decently intense psychedelic drug.

My parents left for a trip to Mexico, and I was staying at L’s home for the days they were gone. It was May 2nd, a Tuesday night, also a school night. At nearly 7:00pm, the idea popped into my mind, “What if we try the tabs which have been sitting in L’s cabinet for over a week?” I voiced this, and she agreed. We were both extremely nervous for we had no idea what was to come. Her parents were gone for her sisters ring ceremony and would be home late at night. We went downstairs, and with the freedom of being home alone, L grabbed the Malibu and we mixed it with cola to calm our nerves. Once it was gone, we retreated back to her bedroom and grabbed the tabs, one for each of us.

We stuck the tiny blue squares on our tongues, and let time pass as we let the tabs slowly dissolve. LSD takes around 45 minutes to kick in so we spent the time just on our phones, and we FaceTimed our boyfriends at the time who were also very close. Then I felt it, the first effect of my trip, my jaw felt tight.
Then I felt it, the first effect of my trip, my jaw felt tight.
I related this to L, who said she was not feeling anything yet. I began to walk around her room uncontrollably laughing at everything, and I sat in the corner next to the door. The floor felt unusually hard but I felt at one with it, as with everything else I touched. We both got to the point where we were most definitely under the influence. I was mindless and uncontrollable, but she was anxious and careful.

I felt the sudden urge to go outside, not just a small urge but I felt that if I didn’t go outside I would simply explode or die on the spot. She blocked the door to keep me from running out, but as soon as she left it I sprinted out her bedroom to the backyard. It was the most bizarre experience I have had in my lifetime by far. The air seemed non-existent. My skin could feel nothing around me. I could see only what was around me, but the rest of the world to my senses was simply void. L grabbed my arm and coaxed me inside. I resisted her, not because I wanted to stay outside, but because I didn’t want to be controlled. We reached the point where we were at the bottom of the stairs, and she was holding onto my hair attempting to drag me up. I screamed at her to let go, but she didn’t know how to. For a moment she had lost control of her feeling and sense of movement. I felt a wave of emotion and wanted to cry, but my body couldn’t figure out how to cry. Within seconds she let go and we made our way back to the bedroom.

That was the moment we realized her mother would be arriving home any second. We panicked, because we knew we were too far gone to have a casual conversation, or seem normal for a couple of minutes. I tried to hop in the shower, but I couldn’t figure out how to work the knobs. I sat down in cold water, for what seemed like 3 seconds before I gave up and got out. I put my clothes back on without brushing my mangled hair. L thrust out her arm with a clean shirt, and was deeply convinced if her mom saw the wet marks on my shirt, we would get caught. I denied and convinced her it was alright. Every second it seemed I would ask L to check her phone to see where her mom was at. The last time I asked, her mom had arrived. I walked over to the window and peeked out to see a disoriented view of a suburban right next to the car port. The few seconds seemed like hours. I turned to L and tried to figure out what normal teenagers did at 9pm, but we didn’t know because time didn’t make any sense to us. She asked her boyfriend at the time what we should do and he just said “turn on Netflix or something”. Every activity seemed “suspicious” and we had no idea what to do.

I sat on her bed and pulled out my Chemistry homework, and attempted to complete that. The memory at this point is blotched so I cannot recall the exact detail of what happened. What I can remember next is standing in the doorway of her bathroom as her mom walked in. We tried to hold a decent conversation about the ring ceremony, but we were obviously out of it. She says, “Are y’all doing something you’re not supposed to?” Her voice still rings in my head today at a slower tone than normal, for it was mutated by the LSD. L says, “no, it’s just really hot in here.” Even though I was mentally gone I was thinking what a dumb answer that was yet I know I couldn’t say anything better. She felt our foreheads to check for fever. The next moment I was in the other corner of the room, as L’s Mom told her to take off her socks. She asked if we had gone anywhere, to which we responded “no”. Still not completely sure why her socks had to be removed, but we think it is because the grass from the backyard was on her socks. The next thing I know she was no longer in the room.

I panicked. L and I both have anxiety and so for the next hour we repeatedly had anxiety attacks. I recall texting my boyfriend over and over, “she knows”. These words today still give me a small bit of anxiety, for I remember my emotional state at that point.
I recall texting my boyfriend over and over, “she knows”. These words today still give me a small bit of anxiety, for I remember my emotional state at that point.
We were eventually calmed down and just laid in her bed silent. At one point we just turned to each other with the attitude of, “what the fuck just happened?” We spent the next two hours recalling everything that had just happened. We were still very high, but the climax was over and we were able to express our feelings. We told the stories from a few hours ago as if they had happened years ago. Every minute we would remember a small detail that had blanked from our memory.

We had a momentary speck of a good time after this. I sat in her bathroom for minutes staring at my reflection. My face seemed long and slender, and my acne seemed to be non-existence for my face looked melted. My skin looked like plastic and my body did not appear to be real. I took pictures of my face and laughed saying I looked like a “melting max bird”. I looked at the pictures a few days later and though nothing seemed to be different with my face, for some reason I just looked completely fucked up. I genuinely had fun, we sat doing nothing on our phones, but nothing mattered for the moment. It came to the point where we decided since we had school tomorrow it was best to go to sleep.

This is the part where I can best describe the feeling of LSD, for everything was quiet expect my senses. She slept with a noise maker on, which was put on the setting of white noise. I wanted it to be turned off so badly for the sound was so magnified it hurt, but I wanted for her to sleep. I tossed and turned in her bed, again I felt melted. Every time my body would touch hers we blended together. Every time I turned in the bed the side of my body became one with the bed. I could not feel a thing, for I was one with everything around me. All of my senses felt magnified. I couldn’t feel pain. I got so close to cutting myself just to see what it was like, but the rational part of me that was left kept me from doing it. I found myself angry with the world, my senses were so intense all I wanted to do was go back to normal, but I couldn’t. I just laid down for hours waiting for the morning to come.

Her alarm went off, and we got out of bed. Somehow I was still high, but barely. I took an actual shower where I was sane enough to cleanse myself. We went downstairs to eat breakfast. Neither of us could taste the food for apparently the acid altered our taste buds as well. We waited for her mother to ask us what had happened last night, but the conversation never came. I walked into school, and I felt like I ghost. The girl with the locker next to me tried to speak to me but with the commotion in the hallway taking my mind I couldn’t understand a word she said. In my first period class the girl next to me tried to get me to fix her calculator, but I just looked at it and handed it back because my mind couldn’t comprehend it. The next period I looked at the Chemistry homework I tried to do and was impressed on how I actually did it, but my handwriting was so big and sloppy and out of the ordinary. Throughout the day I went on and off with feelings of my body being completely lost.

It was the most awful and exciting experience in my entire life, and I’m just now getting to the point, after 9 months, where I feel like I could do it again.

Exp Year: 2017ExpID: 111729
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 14 
Published: Apr 26, 2018Views: 515
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LSD (2), Alcohol - Hard (198) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2)

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