Citation: Trivia. "Terrifying, but Freeing: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (50X Extract) (exp111734)". Erowid.org. Mar 27, 2018. erowid.org/exp/111734
I, my brother, and a friend of his got together to do some salvia that I had gotten a month or so prior. All three of us are interested in psychedelics and hallucinogens primarily for learning about the self, the world, spirituality, etc. Two out of three of us practice traditional witchcraft, but I won't say who, haha.
I have experience with cannabis (indica mostly), shrooms, LSD, MDMA, salvia (15x), datura inoxia, and mandragora officinarum. My brother has done cannabis, salvia (15x), and is much more acquainted with alcohol than I am. His friend's first experience with any drug was this one! I made sure he was ready for it, reading experiences and anything about the drug beforehand.
The only place we were able to safely do the drug was in my car. Ultimately, we would have done this outside. Our trips only solidified that feeling. My brother volunteered to take the first hit. He started laughing uncontrollably, saying that there were goblins everywhere. I asked him, 'What kind of goblins? What do they look like?' He'd laugh again, saying 'They're just goblins! They look like goblins!' Then he gasped, still laughing. 'I think they see me. OH! They turned into tree stumps because they know I see them!' Not long after this, he came back to reality. His friend took the next hit. It took him some effort to keep the smoke in his lungs for very long, and he had to take a few seperate hits. After his first hit, he closed his eyes and was fidgeting, looking very anxious. It didn't last very long, and he told us that he was part of a record, but he was the one to keep the record from playing; something around him was telling him to 'let it happen, let it happen, let it happen.' He asked for another hit, sat back after calming himself down, and mumbled quietly for a minute or so. He then suddenly opened his eyes, saying 'That was a bad trip. It had to stop.' He then told us that he was spinning along a train track as a train with little felt-y, fake-looking beings around him chanting happily, 'Become part of the rainbow!' Over and over until it got more and more menacing, then his vision got red and he immediately pulled out of it.
I took a hit last. I kept in the smoke until my vision started getting wonky and I couldn't focus on my lungs anymore. Everything around me turned into a cookie cutter/puzzley pattern. It was unsettling, and I kept getting this feeling that I was stuck as a part of the puzzle, but trying to get out.
I kept getting this feeling that I was stuck as a part of the puzzle, but trying to get out.
I'm not sure how to describe it, but I kept feeling like I was in a 'white picket fence, 2.5 kids, loving husband' kind of world. I felt like I was there for hundreds of years. No matter how much I tried to move, I barely could. I kept thinking, 'I'm stuck here forever. I'm stuck here forever,' and I thought that maybe my previous life as me was just a illusion. This weird puzzle that I was being forced in was my life forever, and I hated it. I suddenly started feeling extremely hot (probably thanks to the car's heater being turned on), and I barely recognized being able to take off the coat I was wearing. At that point, I slowly started recognizing that I was back in the car.
Once I was completely back, my brother explained that after I took my hit, I tried to grab at the salvia again, saying 'I need more, I need to get through!' He and his friend had to push me back and calm me down, as apparently I was hyperventilating and mumbling frantically. At this point, I was determined to go again. We switched seats (walking was an enormous task, holy shit), and I sat in the driver's seat. I took another hit, held it as long as I could, and tried to get comfortable. Unfortunately, it was veeeeerrry difficult to get comfortable in the driver's seat. But the next thing I knew, I was gone. I was a purpley-blue color, on some sort of ground. I was a part of a pattern, not part of this universe. It was like I was part of some sort of non-euclidian geometry. Some kind of feet walked above me. It was like this for an eternity, until I started getting uncomfortable again. I was dropped back into my body, but it felt wrong. I was in a sack of meat and flesh in a curiously cardboard world that I barely knew anything about. Like I had two souls; one being the personality that was integrated into the flesh of the being I was in, created by the cardboard world around it, the second soul once being part of a pattern from a different universe. They were entirely disconnected, and my mind was solely the one that was once part of a pattern. I vaguely recognized by brother and his friend, but they were strangers to me at the same time. I had to stare around the car for a few minutes to figure out what I was doing, what happened, what I was supposed to do in this situation.
The rest of the night was a blur of me trying to figure out what I was supposed to do, what were the rules of this universe? I had a coat on, I had to take it off. I have keys in my hand, what do I do with them? Walking was, again, a task. We went back into the house - whose house? Why? - and I sat down, staring at the wall for a while as my brother and his friend watched videos on youtube. I went to my room, thinking. I thought of all the people the personality part of my soul cared about, the things that soul was nervous about, work, school. None of it mattered, none of the people mattered. They were all a part of this weird, cardboard world that was only a fraction of the universe. Why was the meat/flesh me so worried about so many things that barely mattered, that were barely real? I ended up getting the most upset over not feeling anything for my family and my boyfriend, who I knew would be traumatized if they knew I felt nothing for them at that time. However, every time I started feeling something; sadness, attachment, whatever, I'd get a little more attached. My 'pattern piece' soul attached a bit more to my 'personality/flesh' soul. I'm writing this a few days later. I'm much more attached to this universe now, but I still have the feeling that many things don't matter. I feel love for my loved ones again, thankfully. But I'm a lot less worried about things that worried me before. They don't matter that much in the long run.
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