Citation: Phogelbice. "My First Breakthrough: An Experience with DMT (exp111779)". Erowid.org. Mar 27, 2018. erowid.org/exp/111779
I began with meditating. An attempt of calming the nerves. The whole day I had been thinking about what it would be like leaving this experience being human, and somehow it felt increasingly alright. And with the meditation I could go through these thoughts and let them pass as well. No expectations.
It was time. I put the pipe to my mouth, (I used a machine), and felt how my breath was acting in a nervous way so I took control of it for a few deep breaths before beginning to put the lighter towards the mesh. First hit wasn't great. I took another. A lot of smoke was building up inside the bottle. I held it in for as long as I could and the world in front of me began to have a grid like structure, a digital spiderweb of sorts. It felt like I was looking into the fundaments of material existence, the foundation for all matter to be held. Strange as fuck. The pipe became very hard to handle, I tried for a hit myself but I told my friend who was sitting beside to me help me with another. It was very intense at this point but he helped me to take another hit. That last hit was just me remembering inhaling somewhere, and an attempt to hold it was made, but inevitably I had to lay back.
At this point I closed my eyes. I remember being frightened. I was met with a cartoonish place. It almost felt like some kind of a school of sorts, a mathematical place. Where bits of me were disintegrating, piece by piece, into this mathematical structure.
It almost felt like some kind of a school of sorts, a mathematical place. Where bits of me were disintegrating, piece by piece, into this mathematical structure.
It really did feel I had been there in a game before or something. It had this kind of feel to it. A lot faster and a lot more intense though. It was ever morphing and the visuals were so crisp and so clear. I remember many symbols and shapes transforming in front of me and to the sides. As I recognized me trying to hold on, and the increasing of the intensity, I remembered that I had to let go, otherwise these visuals that were breaking me and my humanity down, all that I knew of the human experience, wouldn't stop. It felt like I was there for some time. As soon as I let go of any identification with the physical plane I was living in I melted into the experience. I cannot really remember the transition between the cartoony place. But I remember being met with a large geometric face that was making me laugh in a sense, almost like it gave me a good grin on my face. Almost like geometrical Shaco from League of legends.
Here I began to meditate in the experience and I began to increasingly melt into it. Suddenly this face was not there anymore and I came into this big space. It had a soft and slightly dark gridlike patterns with valleys on the bottom. At the sides there were kind of ethereal, geometric, spectral and everchanging 'pillars' of energy creating a 'face' in the middle of it. It wasn't really human or anything. Very geometrical. In this space I was given a very warm, euphoric and even sexual feeling. It was emanating from this thing in the middle. I did not communicate or ask any questions, I was just letting go and letting the experience do it's thing and it was incredibly beautiful and sexual. I was in there for a while and suddenly I was having a feeling of falling into my body again, feeling the sensations of the pillow I was laying on and I left the space more and more. I was back into my body and I felt wow, what a fucking experience we have as being humans. Immense gratitude for our human experience was taking up my mental space. And my visual space were still very morphy and fractal.
As I came back fully and I opened my eyes, my friend with a slight nervous tone asked me what happened. I tried to explain but I really couldn't for a while. I was laughing about the experience, I cried when I tried to re-live or explain the experience where I was embraced with love by this 'geometrical feminine (thing?, can't really put it into words). It was his turn next. I felt a bit nervous at first but I now knew what you have to do. So I told him, relax and let go. No other way.
I'm not sure this was a breakthrough really. I felt I was leaving my physical human experience, and that it was frightening at first. But as I melted into it I just felt like that is just how it is supposed to be, as real as reality here. Or even more real as it was purely a present experience. Nothing else invading.
Absolutely mindbending experience, so incredibly crazy that this exists as an experience. I cannot fathom or comprehend any of it except that its a space where you can't be a human at all, if you go far enough.
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