DOSE: T+ 0:00		smoked	Cannabis - Hash
T+ 0:00	0.25 tsp	smoked	Salvia divinorum	(extract - 10x)
T+ 0:40	100 mg	smoked	Cannabis - Hash
T+ 0:40	1 tsp	smoked	Salvia divinorum	(extract - 10x)

Background: I am 23 years old, and have experimented with drugs since I was about 15 years old, when I started smoking cannabis and, unfortunately, also picked up a habit of abusing opioids, which led to an overdose at 17. I am proud to say that I am past the stage of “recovering” and can consider myself a fully recovered addict, although this term is discouraged by some. My experience with psychedelic drugs is more limited, but I have taken psilocybin mushrooms, LSD, and LSA, and have generally had positive or at least “productive” experiences using these. I live in California, where recreational use of cannabis and salvia divinorum are both legal.

Setting:The night of the 2018 Spring Equinox, after a religious gathering with an Eclectic Pagan group. The drugs were taken alone (Note: Taking salvia alone is a hideously stupid idea.) in an empty apartment.

A small first hit of a tiny pinch of salvia extract topped with hash gave me a strangely heavy feeling that traveled around my body partly based on my attention (if I concentrated in a particular way, I could move the “weight”) and gave me the illusion of being “clear-headed” when in fact my inner monologue had just simplified. I have a natural tendency to second-guess myself and to think idly, and neither of these tendencies were present during my first micro-dose experience. I revelled for the first period of time at the intensity of the “clear” feeling, and visualized things that amused me, noticing the visualizations often became somewhat sexual. I was listening to a guided meditation ASMR speech by a British-sounding woman, and I remember at one point saying out loud “She sounds like she has a massive ass,” and then giggling uncontrollably at this thought. I felt guilty about this behavior and also about the desire I felt to masturbate, as after my Pagan ritual, I believed that I had attracted the attention of “the Divine feminine,” in some aspect that might not appreciate these expressions of lust while her eye was on me. I apologized to the goddess I felt was present, and then experienced that joyfully stupifying “Oh, I’m acting this way because I’m on drugs” which is always so pleasant when you’re in an odd thought pattern on drugs.

I wish to note that the thing that made me feel “on drugs” was not feeling the “feminine presence” in my room but rather personal things about my manner of addressing it, things I said at the time that were not consistent with my personality or usual manner of addressing the divine. I will also note that, although I know some people have had experiences with the “Spirit” of Salvia, and many of those incarnate her as female, but I have not had this sensation of divine presence on subsequent saliva trips.

Once I fully “came down,” after about 10 minutes, I realized nothing about my thought patterns while high had been that special, so I sort of went “Hmmmmm~ More?”After some deliberation and about 40 minutes of waiting, I went into the bathroom, packed a much larger bowl of salvia divinorum, and added a larger crumb of hashish to the top. I inhaled this and blew it out the window, and went to set my pipe down, but the drug took its effect immediately. I was caught in a “loop” more literal than any of those I have experienced on other psychedelics, where I endlessly set my pipe down over and over. I would place it on the floor, here a metallic “clanging” noise, and then set it down and hear the same “clang” again while the first one continued reverberating. Then I attained temporary awareness of my body below the neck, which made me realize that something was going wrong.
I wasn’t scared, per se, but I had the impression that I should be doing something other than endlessly putting a pipe down forever.

The awareness of most of my body made me assume that the setting-down loop was limited to my head, and that I could somehow “close” the loop - I attempted to do so by “closing” my own head, which I perceived as being like a book. This led to an endless loop of shutting book-heads closed, until I realized that not every book I was closing could possibly be my head, and my perception became one of shutting an endless series of books and putting them on a shelf. Then this “shelf” became a “waterfall” that I was washing my hands in, and I observed an endless series of hands pulling out of this curtain of water one after another. Then the hands went to open/close a door (meaningless distinction, but I’m sure I was opening my bathroom door and then closing it on my way to bed) and I opened infinite doors, until I passed through the “last” door and thought I was flying out of reality, past an infinite number of parallel realities, into the void beyond space/time/etc. I believe this is where I was closest to awareness of what I believe is the multidimensional portion of my “self,” what mystics refer to as the “soul,” and this awareness is not necessarily one I would like to experience again while my body and brain are still living, as they are not the appropriate tools to attempt to interpret this. At some point I became aware of my own teeth, and believed that the drug had kept some part of my brain awake that was supposed to be asleep while I was in bed. I could not maintain even this slim degree of lucidity for long and became convinced that I was an endless jaw closing itself like a zipper, tooth by pair of teeth. Then I decided that, because I was asleep, I must be able to wake up, and so I had a sensation of sitting upright in bed, thinking “Oh, thank god, it’s over!”

Then I sat up in my bed, thinking “Oh thank god it’s over!” and then I sat up in bed thinking “Oh thank god it’s over!” and then I sat up in bed, and so on until the truth sunk in: “Oh, shit, I’m still tripping.” I decided that since I apparently couldn’t get out of bed, I would have to try to go/go back to sleep (my awareness of myself was pretty thin at this point) and I started tucking myself IN to the bed endlessly. I have no idea how long this continued or what other permutations my delusion went through before the moment where I actually returned to physical space, where I realized I was in my bed, with all my clothes on, under the covers. I assume I was breathing heavily. Once I had determined that I was in reality, in my body, in my bed, I was fine for a few minutes until the thought occurred “Holy shit, when did I leave my bathroom?”

I returned to the commode to find bong-water spilled everywhere on the floor and my pipe, lopsided but unharmed, next to the toilet where I remember getting trapped in a loop of placing it. Although I’ve guessed by putting the pieces together after the fact, I have no clear idea how I did make it to my bed. I am extremely grateful that I did, and that none of my property was destroyed in the process.

I had a bad case of “the giggles” the morning after, somethat that has also never repeated when I took salvia in the future. After less than a half-dozen experiments with the extract I purchased, I’ve thrown it away. Though it wasn’t a bad experience by any means, it was not a productive experience, and I have no interest in returning to that experience of endlessly looping the same actions.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111793
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Sep 30, 2022	Views: 308
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Salvia divinorum (44), Cannabis - Hash (93) : Combinations (3), Alone (16)