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A Digression to Hell
LSD
by Tommy
Citation:   Tommy. "A Digression to Hell: An Experience with LSD (exp111865)". Erowid.org. May 8, 2018. erowid.org/exp/111865

 
DOSE:
1200 ug oral 1P-LSD

BODY WEIGHT: 240 lb


[Erowid Note: Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]

After a long day at work, I drove over to a friend's apartment where two of my friends lived. My best friend was the only other person at the apartment with us. I brought with me 1500 micrograms of LSD and gave my friends 100 micrograms each leaving me with 1200. I also had about a half ounce of cannabis that we smoked a decent amount of during the come up.

I noticed I had tracers only 10-15 minutes after dosing which was very unusual. It typically was 45 minutes to an hour before I had anything that noticeable. I really don't remember much after noticing that until some time later. I don't know why I had this gap of memory during the comeup.

Within what I'm told was no more than an hour I no longer could remember what was happening or what drug I had taken. My best friend ceased to exist and soon so did I. I devolved into a black screen with green lines of text relaying the conversation I was having, making my thoughts, my voice, and my friend's voice indistinguishable. We were 2 bodies controlled by 1 consciousness. In such a state of confusion, I no longer was enjoying myself. I began grasping my chest and gasping for air, and feeling intense pain throughout my body, particularly my arms. Briefly flashing back into this reality, I began asking what I had taken and how much and was certain despite knowing that you cannot die from LSD that I had taken too much and was going to die. I imagine a lot of this came from not dealing with the emotions of overdosing on fentanyl shortly before this trip (maybe a week to a month prior, that's a blurry time from my life to try and remember). I begged to be taken to a hospital.

At this point my friend and I had been getting too loud in our two other friends' apartment so we were sitting in my car in the parking lot. My friend started looking for my car keys to take me to the hospital and ended up leaving me in the car to go in the apartment to retrieve them. He came back out to the car asking me where my keys were (he says he was gone for less than a minute, but to me I was alone in the car for an endless amount of time. It's hard to put a time frame on how long it seemed like as time basically lost meaning by this point) while our other friend followed behind and began yelling to 'get him out of here! He's obvious I don't want to get arrested over him!' I perceived her to have a knife and want to kill me so I took off running, arms flailing in the air, screeching at the top of my lungs 'help! Help! Somebody! I think I'm going to die!' My friend had warrants at the time and did not chase after me, fearing that my screaming in an apartment complex in the early hours of the morning would bring police to the situation. I kept running then would collapse on the street or on the grass and at one point on a bush, flashing to scenic trips in a completely different reality. I kept dying over and over in different horrible ways.

Running and stumbling alone I realized I had a phone in my pocket. I couldn't remember my phone password so I swiped to open the 'emergency call' screen. I dialed 911.
'911 what's your emergency?'
'I'm going to die!'
'Okay, what's going on?'
'I don't know!'
'Okay, why do you think you're dying?'
'I'm on drugs I think I took too much'
'Okay what did you take?'
'I don't know!'
'Okay, can you tell me where you are?'
'I don't know!'
'Okay what do you see?'
'Uhh there's a lot of cars'
'Are you in a parking lot?'
'No there's tall buildings all around me'
'Are you in an apartment complex?'

I look around in a state of panic and try to hang up the phone. It's locked up in emergency mode so I can't hang up. I get the 'they know where I am' paranoid feeling, look around and yell 'oh shit!' Throw my phone as hard as I can on the concrete and watch it shatter. I ran away as fast as I could yelling things like 'fuck you!' I have no idea how long this ordeal lasted since time had no meaning to me any more, but soon enough a police car pulled in to the complex and probably didn't have much trouble finding me since I was yelling at the top of my lungs. I was ecstatic that a figure of authority had arrived and ran out in the street waving my arms yelling at the police car 'I'm here, I'm here, thank God you're here!' The two officers stepped out of the car and asked what was going on. I made absolutely no sense and was probably pretty obviously in a psychedelic trip if they knew how to recognize that. I was flashing in and out of this reality into scenic trips again, many of which portrayed the officers as wanting to hurt me and/ or violate me despite the fact that they actually did a pretty good job of not being threatening to me.
I was flashing in and out of this reality into scenic trips again, many of which portrayed the officers as wanting to hurt me and/ or violate me despite the fact that they actually did a pretty good job of not being threatening to me.
In fact I remember asking at one point when I had no clue what was happening and no memory from anything before that moment 'am I a threat to anyone? Have I hurt anyone? I'm so scared I don't want to hurt anybody'. He was saying things like 'I don't know, but help is coming okay?'. I asked for today's date and when he told me I realized that no longer had any meaning to me other than knowing that it was a date. I asked him how old I was and he told me 'I don't know, you're asking me.'

'Well how old do I look?'
'I don't know'
'Can I look in the side mirror on your car to see what I look like?'
'Please don't get close to my car'

A lot of this nonsense went on but eventually I would flash into another scenic trip with some perceived threat and run away. I kept running from them and then giving myself back up out of desperation for help. Eventually an ambulance got there and a paramedic approached me. I leaned back and lunged my whole body into the hardest punch I could throw, right into the side of his head. He swung backwards and hit the side of the ambulance. I took off running as fast as I could and one of the officers yelled 'Oh hell no' and this time they all chased me. I pulled my shirt off and realized I was pissing myself, so I dropped my pants as well. I was then tackled on the street butt naked. I fought back as hard as I could but eventually I was knocked out. I never really fell asleep per se but I lost speech and motor skills. I flew out of my body and into the worst hell I couldn't have imagined 30 seconds prior to being there. There was an incredible sense of loneliness and intense pain there. I was in a small, dark area with a burning ball before me. I intuitively understood that the ball was the 'core of my being' and was burning out. The goal in this place was to be able to die so I could stop suffering, but in order to do so I had to watch each piece of myself be torn away and float off into the darkness. All of my memories, my desires, my goals, I watched it all be thrown away as the ball burned smaller and smaller until it finally burned out.

From there, most of what I experienced was sensory overload that I couldn't make sense of. All of my senses were taking in way too much data to form anything that I could put into text. I assigned myself a name to feel better about not knowing who I was, so I called myself Bob. Bob was a horrible idiotic drug addict (I wasn't too far off from my real self in that guess) who didn't care enough to not push his own limits. I felt like a shell of a person that simply wanted drugs to feel whole. It was the most lonely feeling I've ever experienced. I didn't know what I looked like but I had a picture of my parents in my head and thought about how disappointed they must be in Bob. I came to in the hospital the next morning and couldn't remember what had happened or how I'd gotten there. It took 3 months to remember. I quit all drugs for that 3 months and ended up taking a few hits off someone's joint at a concert. When I took my seat after the intermission was over the memory all came back to me, and I shook physically out of terror until I went to bed that night.

I have not been the same person since I had that trip and in a lot of was it's for the better, but I have to live with the memory every day. There hasn't been an hour that goes by since that day that I'm not thinking about it, trying to process it and understand it. I developed HPPD and have had hallucinations persisting for just shy of a year now. Psychedelics are valuable tools when used properly, just remember it is possible to hurt yourself with a hammer.

Exp Year: 2017ExpID: 111865
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 18 
Published: May 8, 2018Views: 849
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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Post Trip Problems (8), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Bad Trips (6)

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