DOSE:	4 bowls	smoked	Cannabis
	1 hit	oral	LSD	(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

105 lb

This was one of the most traumatic yet lifesaving experiences of my life. Tried tabs 12 times prior to this experience but had not tripped in 6 months at all. Am very experienced in the use of cannabis and have used it for a while. At the time I was dealing with some very intense emotional baggage such as being addicted to adderall and Ice for 7 months. I had quit for two weeks and no longer use enough to build a tolerance.

Now onto what helped end my addiction.

So at the time I was coming down and hard. Had taken a tab of very pure LSD. At the time I had not known the purity or else I would have taken less. Had not taken any uppers two weeks prior to this experience but was still hooked emotionally. Was still coming down from months of amphetamine use as my body felt twitchy. I had also previously undergone an operation which I will not discuss but played a role on my emotional state at the time.

Took the tab at approximately 9pm and I began to watch that 70s show with my lava lamp and herb and bowl like I always used to. I had set up a sleeping bag under my loft bed and made my bed. I did everything to prepare for this trip. Except prepare my mind.

At 9:28 I began to feel physically weird. My body felt as if was not mine and my head began to burn though only slightly. I thought not much of it. I was on the phone with my boyfriend at the time and he was asleep. I continued to watch that 70s show when I decided to listen to some music. I couldn't enjoy any song and my thoughts were racing. I felt as if I didnt exist. I knew what was happening. I was experiencing ego death. And I wasn't ready. Tried to wake my boyfriend up but he didn't hear me. I immediately thought he didnt exist. To my mind he wasn't replying so he wasnt real.

I hung up the phone crying and called my best friend (F). She had tried L plenty of times and was very reassuring. I was so happy she was up. As I was pouring out my heart to her I felt I couldn't breathe. I felt every emotion and none at all. I stared at a picture on the wall from a summer camp I attended. The picture began to melt together and became slime but just before it fell off the wall it formed slowly back up into a watercolor painting. F could hear I was talking and talking in circles. She told me to open my window. I was hesitant to do so as in the past few months I was too paranoid. I trusted her and opened the window. The world was at peace. I felt ok for the first time in months since I went off my bipolar medication. I wasn't scared anymore. I was free. I was ok. And I saw the stars and the trees. The branches on the trees had intense ghosting effects with pink tracers and the stars were so white they were breathing. I thanked F and she told me anytime and offered we hang out the next day and talk. Just knowing someone else existed made my trip so much easier.

The next 8 hours I spent alone with my thoughts. No one to talk to. F had gone to sleep but told me to text her if I needed to, this was reassuring. I also must've texted my boyfriend a good 50 times updating him on my thoughts. He got a good laugh the next day as did I. I was ready to face my mind and the fears I had been running from. I put on Slayers spirit in black and saw the devil. I went to hell with wings and met the devil. He told me I would come with him if I kept going in the path I was going. The devil symbolized my fears. I was racing to hell and I was going to crash. I told the devil no. And I stopped and flew out of the portal. The devil also meant my bipolar and denying I had it. My past eating disorder and the reason behind it. He showed that I was making bad choices by letting others control my life and if I kept doing so I would live in what was beginning to be hell. He taught me that drugs arent supposed to be used to run away but to face your issues. They arent used to not feel but to feel and understand a different perspective.

I continued in this state until 8am when I had to go to work. I had not slept and felt fucked. My pupils were black holes and when I looked out my window the trees became multidimensional and I could zoom into each leaf. Between each branch were eyeballs of the wise, of nature herself. She was watching with a caring eye although it scared me I felt safe. The car ride to work. I felt functional but was still tripping. Experiencing tracers. The sky was green and the leaves of the trees were blue. I went to work and did not feel paranoid. I felt safe seeing other humans and felt that every moment existed for that moment and I was not able to see this on harder substances.

I worked slightly slower than usual but had some of the most important conversations and insight even though to most my conversations were mundane. Physically my brain felt fried and I felt dizzy and had heat flashes. None of this upset me as I was just happy I wasnt in hell. F picked me up and we stopped at my house then took a trip to a village and saw a cemetery. We talked about life and how the dead watch over us and we arent alone. We then went for a drive through a nature preserve and through binoculars we saw the city. The cars looked like space cars from. The future and I realized the future is now. We climbed a tower and the swampland felt as if we were on a other planet.

The sun was setting and I was still affected by the tab to a degree but also aware and coherent. I took a piss on the nature trail.and F thought this was funny. I yelled to make sure there were no cars coming and we found a treasure chest on the drive but we got scared of it so we left it. I talked the whole drive home (1 hour) and F listened and thought it was funny I was so spun out but we laughed together. Once I was home (930pm) I played some muse, ate some pasta, had some water, called my boyfriend and went the heck to sleep.

All in all this experience was one of the most terrifying. This was positive because it brought me out of my eating disorder and gave me insight into my bipolar and helped me to realise I am valid and I am enough.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111924
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Sep 8, 2021	Views: 475
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