DOSE:	200 mg	vaporized	DMT	(freebase)
		smoked	Cannabis - High THC

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

The first time I consumed N,N-dimethyltryptamine I vaporized 200mgs of translucent yellow crystals on top of a small amount of high-grade cannabis. I consumed the entire contents of the smoking utensil in a single inhalation. I held the inhalation of dimethyltryptamine freebase and cannabis in my lungs for less than 5 seconds when an intense rush began... 'I don't believe it!' I kept repeating in my head, 'this is impossible!'....

My surroundings began to quiver and slither apart, faster than anything I had ever seen, everything began moving away from everything else in a mash of speed, brilliant color, and fractal geometric form, before fully shattering the 'reality' in my visual and mental field.

It came on like a freight train, I remember thinking 'oh fuck! Get this stuff out of me!' And frantically trying to exhale. It was pure terror, I thought 'now you have done it! You have killed yourself! You fool, how could you have done this!'

After a brief mourning at the life I had just departed from I began to pay attention to my present situation. I remember feeling like I was at the bottom of a foggy mountain with dirt roads, the clouds felt like a domed ceiling, everything was wet, misty, and damp, the air was heavy and filled with moisture. It was still fairly rainy, and I could smell the wet soil, I could smell the distinct smell of rain radiating through the atmosphere. The air was heavy and cool, and could see my breath when I exhaled into the cold fog. I was overcome with an intense feeling of panic and deja-vu, I felt like a lost child, everything I knew about who I was or my life or earth seemed like a distant dream, like I had fully dissolved out of existence, I was dead, I knew that I was dead, and I was emotionally overwhelmed while confronting the event of my death...

...Just like sand slipping through finger cracks I tried to hold onto these aspects of what I knew as my entire identity as a human, all of which quickly slipped from my grasp. I remembered my name, the earth, my family, who I was, being a human, and existence on a planet orbiting a star in the universe in three dimensional space and time... I could remember time, physics, and things of this nature, but such things were merely faded concepts at this point, and like grabbing at smoke, the effort was futile, all of this slipped away and nearly faded entirely out of my memory, impossible to cling to all this, I had to let it go...I kept thinking 'what the fuck was life?'

I was unable to tell if I was breathing, I would take air in, but could not feel it entering my lungs and body. I began taking in panicked deep breaths, nearly hyperventilating in terror, all the while thinking that none of the oxygen was entering my system. Then before I could panic any further I noticed a large claw like object swing into view from my peripheral vision, it was disgusting, it was covered in textured indentations and bumps and fine insectoid hairs. Before I could revel any further in disgust, the objected violently swung downwards into my sternum... A giant mantis like being had its claws in my chest! It proceeded to tear open my chest and stomach, I could hear and feel my ribs cracking one by one. My ribcage was opened at the sternum, each half of my ribcage was being torn outwards to each side. The giant mantis like being then proceeded removing all my organs and insides with its horrible serrated claws, flinging my organs, guts and entrails into space with confounding speed.

I was about to go into shock when I saw a bright green light flash over my shoulder, I thought that it had nearly hit me, almost clipping the side of my neck, when it then stopped in front of my torn-open hollowed corpse. It then became a beautiful fractal-geometric object, morphing and color changing. At times it was metallic at other times it was a beautiful jewel, and all the while to look into it was to view endless geometric fractal patterns, moving, morphing, and changing color. This object then began to shrink until it was a mere pin-prick of light, as I focused intensely on the disappearing light another one of these objects flew from behind me, then another, then another...there was a swarm of these objects, all appearing then shrinking down to pins of light, shrinking down to little beautiful green glowing atoms. I was surrounded in a swimming flurry of these tenuous phosphorescent flicks of scintillation.

The mantis-like creature then began to direct the swarm of these atom sized objects into my dismembered corpses open and hollow chest cavity and stomach. I could still see billions of these objects, each one unique and radiating beautiful green colored light, and the mantoid-like being continued to fill my body with them, billions of them, all beginning to construct new organs and insides of my mangled corpse. The green lights had become like atoms reconstructing my heart, and lungs, and rib-cage, and stomach.

Then, in a beautiful orange light I watched my open rib cage melt back into perfect form, It felt indescribable, I could feel the love and light of the Divine mother radiating through my being. Just as I was slipping into what seemed like an endless ecstasy everything was violently disrupted. The warm orange lighting and glow and the feeling of divine warmth and comfort which had been engulfing my being began to drain away. It was a fleeting rush, like the warmth was being pulled out of the enclosed space which I was trapped. The surroundings that composed my environment began to squeeze me, violently gesticulating, and pushing me outwards. I felt as if I was being pushed head first through a thick gelatinous membrane. The agressive gesticulations of the membrane surrounding me were becoming more intense, and were occurring at more rapid intervals. It was as if I could feel my cranium begin to protrude into a new environment ...I was being born...it was an incredibly traumatic instance, and while psychologically I was still a 'blank slate' the seriousness of the crisis was evident. This continued until I thought I was not going to make it, I felt that it was all over, and then, in what seemed like a fraction of a second I had slipped out of this environment and back into the earth.

I slowly I began to recognize my surroundings. My face still covered in tears, I looked up and saw the branches of a tree in the yard all slither in sinister fashion in from all directions to take place and solidify as the tree in the distance, the world began to slither back into place, most things moved in an elegant liquid serpentine slithering motion, or like the dancing movements of a flame. As the world constructed itself back into the familiar, so did my conscious state and memory. I was still disoriented, and fairly traumatized, I thought I had been gone for millennia, 'how long was I gone I asked?'....'about 20 minutes' was the answer ....those who were there said in reality I curled up into a ball and began to cry for 20 minutes, I was wondering why my face was wet, because it felt like I had actually just been through being born, I was still covered in tears...

I was fully transformed after this event, I had literally been reborn. I had never had a spiritual experience before, but during this event I had experienced death, dismemberment, reassembly with magical objects and rebirth. I have never seen the world in the same was since and feel as if I had been given deep insight into the nature of death and birth, I had been given deep insight into non-physical conscious states, and had been given indisputable evidence that consciousness is not a product of the physical body, and that after death ones conscious-being and physical body separate. I had also suffered from mild depression before this event which has still not returned. I came out of this experience with a deep love for life and an understanding of this existence like I had never had before, I had been given enlightenment to a certain degree, though it's obvious that my journey had only begun and that I still have much to learn.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 111947
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 7, 2018	Views: 1,062
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DMT (18) : Unknown Context (20), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Depression (15), Entities / Beings (37), Mystical Experiences (9), General (1)