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Not Enlightened but Entertained
by Cadmium
Citation:   Cadmium. "Not Enlightened but Entertained: An Experience with LSD (exp112021)". Erowid.org. Jun 22, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112021

1 hit sublingual LSD (blotter / tab)


This is my first LSD experience at an age of 20. No psychedelic experience before. The trip lasted 19 hours. The experience was more of a fun time than inspiring so the report will mostly be about the observed effects. I had no tripsitter as I was worried that I would have to entertain that person during my trip but I also prefer to be alone.

This year I decided to try some drugs which, I believed, should be experienced at least once in a lifetime. First one was MDMA which was rather disappointing. The idea of trying psychedelics was already there when I was 17. I decided that I should try salvia maybe if I ever get the chance. This chance never came.

Only recently I came to the idea of trying LSD when I randomly landed at a video of someone describing his experience which seemed to be really intense. I believed LSD was a party drug (which it can be) and that it wouldn't be interesting but then I got curious and decided to try some. The main reason for taking it was curiosity and fun.

The preparation phase went for 1 - 2 weeks. It consisted of reading countless FAQs, information and experiences. I especially researched the potential negative effects. I ordered some L-theanine before the trip because of its promised calming effects against anxiety. I chose a day for the trip where I had no obligations for the following 2 days. I decided that I should take it in nature and had an idea for a location but didn't visit it before. I had a perfect sleep of 9 hours in the night before the trip. No food was eaten before taking the tab.

I had no big expectation from the trip. I didn't primarily seek enlightenment or life lessons. I am a really introspective person and tend to think alot about life in general. I was also heavily depressed during the last year and I believe I still am but not as bad as before.

On the day of the trip I was in a neutral state. I decided not to think about the problems in life and simply enjoy the good weather and nature. I had mixed feelings of excitement but also a little anxiety because it was the first time. I arrived at an empty spot in a park at afternoon and couldn't stay there. I have a phobia of flying insects and there were alot of them. I spent an hour trying to find a new spot without people but also without many insects. I remembered a good spot at a lake in a forest which had no flowers at all meaning no bees or wasps.

The lake had some swimmers but I managed to find a comfortable spot with no people and a beautiful view. I sat there for 20 minutes and took the 220ug tab around 1 PM. I held it under my tongue for 10 minutes and swallowed it. The tab tasted like nothing.

I had some anxiety during the first 30 minutes. I was constantly asking myself what will happen now but then I just decided to think about nothing at all and listen to music. After 1 hour I started feeling strange, like my head was becoming really slow and heavy. 30 minutes later I started seeing some visuals. Everything looked like it had a wave effect and the colors started mildly changing every second. I felt great, more euphoric because it simply looked funny and beautiful at the same time. The music became even better. Not long after the visuals became very intense. I noticed my hands shaking intensely. I needed to stare 2 seconds at anything and it would get really strong black outlines. When I looked on my arm it would look like I had black veins because my hair would get strong outlines. What surprised me was that I had no strong hallucinations like seeing something that isn't there.

The sad part about the peak is that I actively kept thinking about not going insane. I lost the sense of time and reality, I still saw the wavy, color changing visuals and my phone screen looked like it was melting. I felt like I am the tree which I was leaning against and my field of view widened. Time felt very slow.

I started to slightly panic because I still thought about the potential negative effects. I believed that my brain could trick me into thinking that I still sit at the same place but in reality I would already be doing something harmful. It felt like I was entering a fake dimension created by my mind. The trip still felt great but sometimes I would be scared when the music had repetitive parts which made me think that time would repeat itself over and over endlessly. I skipped such music parts to confirm that I wasn't going insane. I also did what I called reality checks where I would look left and right, touch a few objects and check if I was still leaning against a tree.

After an hour I was surprised by some swimmers and people who passed by or just wanted to take a swim. I honestly didn't expect to see anyone because it was the worst place to take a swim. My trip became worse because I thought that these people would know I'm tripping but at the same time they were an indicator that everything is still real and happening. I realized that I was not a tree. I had some really weird stare moments and at one moment a person waved at me for no reason and I just waved back. At that point it became all too confusing and I decided to go home.

I felt like I was capable of going back home and I had to take public transport. I focused as much as possible on being careful but luckily there was no potentially dangerous traffic. It felt like the train would never arrive though. I didn't feel anxious around people and made it home safely. For 10 hours I would sit on my couch and listen to music. It was the best part of my trip.

I felt happy and comfortable. The music was amazing. I liked to imagine some juicy fruits and splashing colors or fresh juice when I listened to a certain type of positive energetic music and I couldn't stop listening to that type. It felt amazing. At the same time the colors would change perfectly to my mood. Seriously I would've wanted to take a screenshot because the colors worked like a perfect photo filter. The wall had interesting patterns. Sometimes I would see cartoon figures, not really with my eye but with my mind.

Eating was weird. I had ordered a pizza and only ate half of it. I felt bad afterwards and forced myself to eat it when it was cold already. I kept feeling sorry for my body. I saw the part of the brain responsible for survival instincts as an individual which had to struggle throughout the trip while my other part of the brain would be a childish individual trying to have fun and not knowing the consequences and I kept apologizing to the survival brain.

Bathroom visits were also weird. When taking a piss I would see a mild hallucination of a big ocean wave and when looking into the mirror I would see myself as another person sometimes and judge accordingly. My face was slightly changing the shape and my pupils were pulsating. It all wasn't too bad though.

I had a few moments during the trip where I would see a figure repetitively every few minutes or think about a word that doesn't exist. I believed that the figure had some kind of meaning and that I would find out later in the trip with a big life lesson. Sadly that wasn't the case.

I had a repetitive thought, I kept asking myself: What if this all isn't real? What if I'm still sitting at that lake and it's already night time while my brain creates this illusion of me being in my safe place. It was a scary thought. I asked myself if I would wake up from my trip after death in the fake realm. I refused to believe it and found the thought way too crazy.

Around 2am I felt the effects getting weaker. I believed this was the time to go to sleep but I just couldn't. I decided to watch the 5th element movie which was funny as hell. I became heavily frustrated at 4am because I still couldn't sleep. So I just sat there for 4 hours, reading more experiences, trying to fall asleep a few more times, watching videos and thinking about the trip. It was the worst but probably most inspiring part of the trip. At 8am I tried to sleep and managed to fall asleep at 9am for 3 hours. It didn't feel like sleep but I also didn't feel tired after.

I felt wonderful, like I had found energy for life again. I relaxed a little bit. I was invited to a party for that day. We had some weed and I wasn't sure if I should take it. I decided to take a few hits and it felt much stronger to the point where I became anxious. I saw some light visuals again. I wasn't drunk at all, only had 2 beers. I left earlier because I was falling asleep at the party.

I must say, I probably had the best feeling of my life during the trip. Even if the comedown was unpleasant it will be an experience I will never forget. Sadly I haven't had many inspiring thoughts and I believe it was because I worried about having a bad trip too much during the peak. I believe that I may have to wait a few years before actually being able to think about life properly during a trip but I sure can't wait for it.

Exp Year: 2018ExpID: 112021
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 20 
Published: Jun 22, 2018Views: 1,410
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LSD (2) : Personal Preparation (45), Depression (15), Music Discussion (22), First Times (2), General (1), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)

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