Citation: Warriorfound. "Confronting the Spirits of My Forefathers: An Experience with LSD (exp112060)". Erowid.org. Jul 3, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112060
10.30 am: 200ug lsd
01.30 pm: 1/2 of a joint with 0.2g weed
02.00 pm: 100ug lsd
04.00 pm: 1/4 of a joint with 0.6g weed
02.00 am: sleep
I tried mushrooms when I visited Amsterdam, but they didn't have much of an effect; I only experienced some minor visuals and nothing else. I've smoked weed, but never on a regular basis. I drink alcohol ~ once every two weeks.
It was a beautiful sunny day last weekend on my lakeside summer cottage. The weather was perfect: approximately 25 degrees Celsius, no clouds. This is quite rare where I live and it felt like the universe/reality/gods approved of this journey. Nevertheless, I was nervous. The planned dose (200 ug) seemed massive for a first timer. My buddy had tried 150 ug LSD before and his calmness reassured me. I drank 1,5 liters of cold chamomile tea in hopes of deterring a bad trip. I was also under the impression that it might potentiate the effects of LSD, so it was a no brainer.
Me and buddy set up mattresses, pillows and blankets on the huge wooden terrace that I've built between the main cabin and the sauna. The terrace was immediately surrounded by large trees and pristine Scandinavian nature: tall pine trees and spruces mixed with verdant birches and rowans. The ground was covered by blueberry and cloudberry bushes. The forest was filled with rabbits, birds and squirrels and while swimming, we encountered duck mummies with their kids. The lake is large and the water is clear, even potable. The water was a bit cold to the skin, but ignoring that, we spent large stretches of time there.
The cabin and Finnish sauna were both built by my grandfather. He was an eccentric man and the buildings are covered by weird wooden sculptures made by him. Everything from the wooden door handles made of tree nodes to lamps carved inside hollow burnt logs are sights on their own. Upstairs in the main building, there's a small dresser in a dark corner (not dark at all, had we pulled the curtains on the window, but we liked it that way).
We wrote all sorts of notes to ourselves saying e.g: 'you're tripping on LSD, if you're feeling bad, don't worry, it will end soon. If you're feeling good, have fun!' and 'Here's some fruits and water, remember to hydrate'. We never even glanced at those notes.
For food, we had the aforementioned fruits, pineapple, bananas and apples. Late at night we had some barbecue.
We started the trip with some clothes on, but very soon after the first dose we went swimming naked. It didn't feel appropriate or good to put the clothes back on, so we stayed naked for pretty much the rest of the day.
Sitters: My dog.
My friend wanted to take the plunge at 10 am, but I wanted to make sure that we have everything ready. We set up the mattresses, food and notes. I drank my tea.
I put the tab on my tongue.
It might've been placebo, but just after 15 minutes of taking the drug, I experienced a strong sense of heaviness in my limbs. A few minutes later, my hands and feet got really cold and even turned bluish. I had an urge to pee, but I found it difficult when I tried to. While trying to pee, I noticed the lessened periferic blood flow in my genitals as well.
The the nausea kicked in next. It started around 11 am and lasted for about an hour. It wasn't bad, but definitely unpleasant. Neither of us felt the urge to puke. It was basically the sensation that some people get while reading in a car. All colors became more vivid.
At around 11.15 I started experiencing the first visuals: barely visible streams in the sky, turning slowly into worms that soon became snakes. Things escalated quickly from there: the nature started breathing with me and all surfaces started twisting and twirling. The world turned into a spectacular show of peculiar images rotating, as if I was looking at the world through a kaleidoscope or the glass paintings of a church. By this time all colors were magnified to such intense vivid levels that I found it difficult to look at the sky. I retreated to inside of the cabin for a few minutes, for I was afraid of eye damage. I looked at the downstairs mirror and my pupils were gigantic.
By 5pm I saw faces even on dull uni-color surfaces. Dragons, animals, demons, insects and people on more complex surfaces. However, I was fully aware that they are hallucinations and I could make them disappear for a second or two if I really put my mind to it.
At around 11am we started speaking about the nature of reality and other complex ideas, most of which I've forgotten. I started thinking about the reality as a set of rivers or streams flowing in the same direction, connected in some areas and separated in others. There were 7-8 levels of reality. My consciousness was a whirlpool on the 5th level. The whirl grew weaker and weaker, until it was completely flat at around 12.15. I was gone. I started speaking about myself in third person, saying 'he is irrelevant' and 'he exists on lesser level of unity'. The idea of there existing a thing called 'me' was laughable.
The idea of there existing a thing called 'me' was laughable.
The current decided to inhale some marijuana. The joint had a life of its own; it glowed, sparked and was alive. It looked more magical than anything else in the world. The spirit of the fire in the joint was female. I inhaled her. While smoking, we decided to go balls to the wall and take 100ug more lsd. We had agreed not to do this, but It had been pleasant experience thus far and we were not afraid. It was a good decision.
At around 2pm I came back. I came to realize that I am, but I didn't really know who I was. I started searching for pieces of my personality. I encountered a feminine spirit (I don't believe in these spirits, it's just a practical way of describing how it felt) that tried to take a hold of me. I looked at the mirror in the dressing room of our sauna and saw how I might look like as a woman. I was disgusted and angry at this femininity, but it refused to go away. I decided to accept that there's a feminine side in me and the spirit left me alone.
My friend asked me to bring something from the cottage. While I was walking there, I noticed this urge to go speak to the mirror upstairs. I told my friend that I have a meeting with the mirror. I sat down in front of the dresser and started speaking. I felt furious. I started shouting at myself: 'Who the fuck do you think you are!?' I pounded the table and stomped the floor. I was at war with myself. I had a stare down competition with the man in the mirror. Suddenly, my grandpa from my mom's side appeared on the left side of my reflection and my father and my grandpa from my dad's side on the right. They stared at me angrily. They started speaking to me in turns about the great sacrifices they had made to ensure my existence. They told me that I'm at heart a warrior and I need to fight. Then they started fighting me. I felt great powers that tried to push me away from the dresser. I grasped the dresser with my both hands and held tight. The spirits, coming at me with wind and fire attacked me from different directions for what felt like hours, but I didn't budge. I had won. They spirits of my forefathers approved of my existence and of me. They told me that I'm not weak. I saw my face transform into something beautiful. All of my imperfections disappeared, my eyes started burning in green flames and I looked and felt peaceful and powerful.
After that, It was a loong way down. We had many awesome conversations, went to the sauna and had some bbq food. I still experienced some visual distortions when I went to bed. Though I can't remember much of the long talks I had with my friend, I believe they left a mark on me.
This was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I truly value my existence more now. I am more content and motivated.
I listen to tons of different lectures and podcasts. During this trip I came to realize that I'm addicted and I keep contaminating my consciousness with infotainment. I decided to stop, at least for two weeks. I also gained motivation to fix my back that has been aching for way too long. I started organizing my life. Yesterday I cleaned up my email (went through 15 000 emails and deleted all spam and archived everything important). Other reformations are on their way.
This was very a pleasant, hopefully life changing experience.
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