DOSE:	1 hit	oral	LSD
		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

47 kg

To give you some backstory, I lived six years with the fear of vomiting, so I stayed away from all drugs, including weed. This year though, I started liberating myself. First I tried some Ecstacy and I absolutely loved it. After some trips, I did cocaine but I never felt any effect. Meanwhile I began to smoke weed and drink a bit more. So when I was offered an LSD dose, I was finally calm and ready. I have to mention also that all substances (except cocaine) have a strong effect on me in small doses, maybe because I am very thin, or my system is like this, I don't know.

Anyway, I was invired by a friend to attend a psy-trans festival. His name is Fabio. With us came another friend, Elena. We went as volunteers. The first night we did cocaine, the second some shitty MDMA, and the third LSD. All this while smoking weed during the day.

The festival was small and calm. There was a house with kitchen, bathroom and space to hang around for the volunteers. We immediately felt like home and met many nice people. It was the kind of place where you forget your tobacco somewhere and nobody touches it. People were talking about drugs freely. The second day I was already feeling like home. It was an ideal setting for my first acid trip. The third night, the three of us took one dose each.

PART 1- FREEDOM – I was sitting with Elena outside the volunteer house when I started feeling some effect. I got anxious and a bit nauseous, mainly because I had no idea what would follow. But I was relatively calm, no comparison to the anxiety of the first times I did Ecstacy. In one moment all the negative feelings were gone, and I realized I couldn't stop laughing. Me and Elena made this fantasy about Fabio, that he is a huge cat, and she wants to take him home and feed him. It seemed so funny at the moment that we ended up crying and falling off the bench.

After this, we went to the main stage were we found Fabio and for the first time in my life I danced 100% comfortably in front of other people. I couldn't even dance properly but I didn't give a fuck. Actually this made me laugh even more. I felt the music entering inside me and guiding my moves. At some point I started jumping (cause walking was not enough) towards Fabio and I shouted at him something like “Thank you so much for this trip, its crazyyyy”, and continued dancing.

We went back to the volunteer house and passing from the bathroom I looked at myself in the mirror, seeing only pure beauty. It was something beyond the concept of beauty; I am beautiful because I exist. Then we ran like children to a hill above the stage. Meanwhile somebody had sprayed everything white there. It looked like snow. I ran like a child shouting “Merry Christmas”. We continued dancing and I remember these moments as absolutely liberating. I was jumping around, saying stuff like “Nothing really matters” and “I don't give a shit”. At some point during this delirium I stopped to watch a tree. I had never seen a tree in this way before. I was astounded by its complexity and beauty. Then, I don't know why but I cut a leaf. I immediately felt like crying. I was asking myself why the hell would I destroy something so beautiful. I started caressing the tree in an effort to apologize. After a while I went back to dancing.

PART 2 – NATURE- We moved towards a trail that brought us in the middle of nature. Immediately I felt the magic of the trees and the plants. I was exactly where I wanted to be. Elena was following butterflies. We spent hours walking and resting, walking and resting. The first time I sat down, I opened my tobacco and I found inside a fluo yellow string. I put it around my neck and I couldn't stop playing with it and watching it. The color seemed amazing. I had never watched the flowers and the trees so profoundly. I could see every detail and I was amazed by their complexity and beauty. We were dressed in comfortable clothes that looked a bit like pyjamas. We agreed soon enough that we were attending a pyjama party in nature.

Elena started putting leafs in my hair. We had some blueberries with us and spontaneously we rubbed them on each other's face. Never in my life have I felt more part of this planet. The sense of gravity was crazy. I felt like a mix of a child and an animal. After a while Elena became in my eyes a forest nymph that was guiding me through this trip. I was one of her followers. We were walking in nature more comfortable than ever. We were one with our surroundings. Meanwhile almost everything made us laugh. I didn't care if I got dirty or if I destroyed my clothes. Everything was worth this feeling. Only the idea that I would come down made me sad.

I don't know how much time we spent in nature. I had lost the concept of time. When we came back to the festival we all felt uncomfortable around people that were not part of our trip, so we went to a river nearby. I was finally coming down. It felt ugly. We smoked some weed. I had three puffs. After about five minutes I felt the effect of acid coming back. This time different.

PART 3 – THE INSIDE TRIP – I got nauseous and I was convinced I would vomit. I went a bit far from the others but I didn't vomit. I started walking around and after a while I realized I was hallucinating. We were again in nature but this time nature was ugly. There was trash around and many insects. When I was looking down I was seeing a million insects. I knew they were in my head but it made me uncomfortable. I walked around searching for a safe space. I had the impression of people watching me, calling me, but there was nobody. I didn't panic though. Everything was under control, I just had to make myself comfortable again.

I touched almost every tree on the riverside. This time, after smoking weed, the trip became more profound and personal. I spent a lot of time touching the trees, watching them like never before. But one tree seemed special to me. I kept going back to it. In the end I hugged it and I closed my eyes. I felt its heart beating. My heartbeat was syncronized with its. I was connected with the whole universe in these moments. All the beauty, wisdom and complexity of nature were inside me. It was so intense that I felt aroused.

I opened my eyes and I started touching the tree the way I would touch a lover. With every touch I could feel the waves of pleasure I was offering to it and this aroused me even more. And then, I saw its vagina. It was in front of my face. Without hesitation I licked it. Then I climaxed. It was the most intense orgasm I ever had. I can't say for sure but I think it lasted a minute. I was feeling inside me the ages of evolution of the earth. I know it sounds perverse but in that moment, under the effect of acid, it felt natural and beautiful. The feeling of arousal remained for at least an hour.

I needed to move so I returned alone in the festival. But I was feeling uncomfortable around people. My cat came to me. He was purple. I went to the other side of the house hoping there were no people. A volunteer came to me and started talking about some fires back in my country. I was unable to respond normally. Then another cat came close to me. I was watching every detail, the eyes, the fur. It was absolutely beautiful. I could understand everything he was feeling. I felt like I could talk to him. I decided to return to nature.

I found a calm spot and I lied down. I realized that if I focused on something it started transforming. So I played a bit. It was like watching television. I enjoyed it because I knew it was all in my head. The leafs, the trees, the sky, the branches, became animals, people, cartoons. It was time to reflect on stuff profoundly. I saw my real self. Everything was so clear. In the end I fell asleep.I woke up because of the heat. The trip was over. I was tired, stoned but full of thoughts. I was reborn. Immediately, I started to draw. My hand was free. I was free.

AFTERMATH
Now, one week after, I am still drawing everyday for hours. I am also taking pictures. I feel an unstoppable need to create. I can't stay still. I feel lucky to be alive. I also feel sure for myself. True. Pure. Beautiful. I realized that I shouldn't try to fit in situations, because I am already part of the universe. All I have to do is be myself without the fear of rejection. And now I know myself better. I am no more than those trees I was hugging. Their existence is as valuable as mine. So many things that made me anxious now seem unimportant. The depression I felt all those years seems useless. Why I was blocking myself when there is so much to do, to discover, to create? When there is so much beauty in everything? I am ready to face the world with calmness. In the end I am a very small part of a large cycle of life. A very small part of eternity. My life is the most useless and important thing at the same time. I found a place inside of me that I have to take care of. And I know that if I do that, I have nothing to be afraid of. If I keep it pure, clean and full of light nothing can harm me.

It is hard to describe well this experience, also because english is not my native language. Anything I write cannot come close to the feelings I had. I can say it has been one of the most important experiences of my life. I am changed forever. What acid does, it cuts through the bullshit. It made me see myself profoundly. And the realizations remain. I think I need months to absorb all the information. I am ready to face anything. I am stronger than ever. I feel thankful for everything.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 112242
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 24
Published: Oct 8, 2018	Views: 2,252
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LSD (2) : Depression (15), Nature / Outdoors (23), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)