Citation: 6 Foot Leprechaun . "Anxiety, Depression: An Experience with Cannabis (exp112265)". Erowid.org. Aug 16, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112265
So, as you may have guessed from the title dear reader, I had anxiety and depression at the time of this experience. To give you a bit of history, I had finished high school the year before and had no idea what to do, I didn't really want to do anything either. Anyway, one of my friends knew a few people who could get some weed, so naturally I asked. This wouldn't be my first experience nor would it be my last. It was an average Friday; my mother and I had gone out earlier and gotten supplies for the weekend, nothing out of the ordinary about it.
So at about 10pm I asked if she would roll me a joint (I was a lazy little bastard back then). I smoked it fairly quickly, barely coughed at all, and was fine for the first 20 minutes or so. Then I let my mind wander, which when I have depression and anxiety AND I happen to have taken a psychoactive/mind altering drug is not such a great idea. I've managed to dislocate both my kneecaps twice in my life, so I have a fairly thorough knowledge of what the sensation of injury feels like; that sudden SHOCK my body gives me. That's what happened to me. I started imagining various injuries on my body and my brain would seemingly trigger that shock in the corresponding place. This went on for a good 15 to 20 minutes, everywhere from my knees, to my arms breaking, shoulders popping, ankles, and worst of all my spine. I had been watching... Something earlier which involved a spinal injury, so my mind instantly went to it.
On top of this my mind would switch from that to basically conjuring up an image in my head of my heart and brain arguing and fighting. My mind as I remember was just belittling my heart at every turn, constantly mocking its ideas, hopes and dreams, always finding reasons why they wouldn't work. Eventually I got up and got a drink. This halted the argument and torment for a while. Not long after I sat back down again, the argument continued, albeit less intensely (this was most likely the beginning of the come-down period). I began to kind of ignore it and focus on the YouTube videos I was watching. Around 0:00 or 0100 the heightened imagination had gone and I was left with the munchies and an almost blank mind, similar to being drunk, just without the nausea and discomfort.
So that was probably the worst experience I've had with marijuana to date. It hasn't halted my use or fondness any; in fact in my new, happy and healthy state of mind it's probably increased it. I found it fascinating. My overanalysis of what I experienced really enlightened my fears (of injury and risk taking in general) and eventually helped me get better.
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