DOSE:	20-40 mg	oral	Pharms - Citalopram	(daily)
		oral	Alcohol
	5-30 mg	oral	Amphetamines	(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

Background:

I am writing my experience to help those in search of a way out of depression. I have struggled with depression from a young age, likely due to my family history. The family history provided me with a genetic predisposition (nature) as well as experiences that lead me towards depression, such as dealing with addicted and depressed family members (nurture). For a long time, I tried to deal with it naturally, lifting weights, meditating, working towards set goals, etc., while occasionally self-medicating with alcohol, marijuana, kratom, and mushrooms. I have also sometimes gotten into a habit of unintentionally self-medicating with amphetamines, which I have been prescribed for ADD.

While a generally holistic approach helped me to a certain extent (and provided me with a proper set with which to begin true medication), I was getting tired of constantly battling the negative voices in my head, and becoming scared that I was going to accept the depression and anxiety as the norm. So I decided to go see a psychiatrist for professional help.

First week:

During my first week taking 20 mg Celexa, the negative voices in my head started to disappear. I began to accept myself more, my appetite began to become more normal. Prior to taking Celexa, my appetite was poor due to near-constant anxiety.

First Month:

After the first week, I noticed I began to be very sleepy to the point where it was impeding productivity. I up Adderall usage to combat it. Adderall seems to balance thing out. I asked my doctor about it and he said to keep taking it and see what happens.

Second Month:

Sleepiness starts to go away. I ask new psychiatrist if I should try to start weening off. She tells me there is no need.

Third Month:

I feel decent for the most part. I begin to have a little bit of paranoia about my girlfriend and such that I wish I didn’t have. I attribute this to be the first time my demons decide they want to try coming back. I asked my psychiatrist if I should up the dosage and she obliged.

Fourth Month:

Begin 40 mg. Sleepiness comes back. Happy, but struggle to care about anything. Productivity plummets, but it’s okay because the summer has been slow. What’s scarier is that my lack of caring comes with a lack of fear of anything, including death. I notice that I have driven while blackout drunk twice, which I had never done in my life. Terrified I might hurt someone, I finalize my decision to lower my dose. I also decide to lower my dose on my own due to reports of “brain zaps” when the brain becomes accustomed to this medication and a patient decides to stop. Rather than going straight down to 20 mg, I do a day or two at 20 mg, a day or two at 40, three days at 20, a day at 40, and then continuing on at 40 mg. This seems to help with headache side-effects and I do not get “brain zaps.”

Current: I am currently on 20 mg and after a month or so, I will start to reduce my dose in a method similar to the one used to lower dose from 40 mg. I am still somewhat sleepy and have noticed a bit of weight gain. I am not overly concerned as I have also managed some incredible strength gains while taking the drug (not necessarily attributed to the drug although the increased appetite may have helped).

Retrospective: This drug has helped a lot with anxiety and depression. In a time where I felt underwater, I was able to surface for a while and think clearly. During this time, I am able to reap the benefits of a holistic approach. If anyone where to ask me about it, I would suggest that if they are struggling and a holistic approach wasn’t working, to try it for a short period of time, and as low a dose as possible, and use the time “above the water” to make positive changes in their life. Once they are content with what they see, try to slowly start to ween off.

I wish all of those struggling the best of luck.

Cheers.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 112274
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Oct 22, 2018	Views: 1,971
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Pharms - Citalopram (227) : Various (28), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Depression (15), Medical Use (47), Retrospective / Summary (11)