Citation: Paige Victoria. "Test of the Gate Keeper: An Experience with DMT (exp112396)". Erowid.org. Sep 24, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112396
My nerves were indescribable as I and two friends to assist me, prepped for my first DMT trip. The feeling of slowly climbing the hill of a roller coaster sat deep within my gut. I lied down in a comfortable position on my bed, questioned whether or not I was ready but understood there is no feeling ready for something of this nature.
*Dosing, and Transition Into the Realm of Transformation:
It took three, large pulls to get the full 60 mg (we vaporized the DMT via an oil burner rigged to a bong), but I could hardly sit up for the third inhale, I was taken surprisingly quickly and intensely. I could only compare the initial feeling of drifting off to sleep unwillingly (minus feeling tired), while simultaneously blossoming, like a time-lapse video of a flower. There was no choice but to close my eyes and let it have me. My being felt glitchy, as if my existence was being twisted, and contorted. It was alarming, and I recall thinking, “Oh dear, I should not have done this. I most certainly have broken everything.” My alarmed feelings dissipate slightly as my vision is filled with a seemingly incomprehensible sight. A large, circular, ever-changing mandala-type shape emerges. It begins to grow, like roots of a tree crawling into fractals. It grew larger and moved more chaotically, while I heard distinct, fuzzy, crackling chatter. The air began to feel like it no longer surrounded me; it felt entirely foreign in my lungs and so very distant. It felt mechanical to breathe, and this made me nervous. I grew overwhelmed by the sight before me, as it all transformed very fast, and clearly! I could feel strong resistance on my part, but crystal clear thoughts in my head. I was bewildered by how sober I felt, despite what I was witnessing.
I began to feel constricted and claustrophobic while the indescribable mandala-like thing grew larger and larger. It beings encompassing my being, it feels like I am being morphed and transformed into this thing. There was an indescribable noise, I would say extremely similar to the Falling Shepard’s tone, but it grew so loud and constant that it became the only sound in this perceived existence, so it quickly left my attention. I could feel myself forcefully breathing deeply, and exhaling fully. It is difficult to describe how breathing felt. It frightened me that it was as if my lungs switched from automatic mode to manual, but because of this I felt I had to force myself to continue or else I would die. I do not recall for how long I forced deep breathing, but from the accounts of the friends helping me; I did this for a full minute or so before suddenly stopping altogether.
There was no exit transition from being within this chaotic, yet very organic like mandala, but abruptly everything stopped. I felt as if I had bounced into a confined space. Like the effect of something forming into something else quickly, and it jiggles into place, a gelatin-like movement is the best way I can put it.
In this space, everything is dim, with a dark, dark green hue. But it was also shifting, slowly growing/crawling. I couldn’t seem to catch a glimpse of anything. A short period of time after adjusting to this space I felt the presence of an awareness not of my own.
The shocking feeling of a foreign presence in this mental realm suddenly brought my attention to the external world. My two friends were still sitting on the bed where I was lying. They weren’t talking or making noise, but it bothered me deeply that I could even sense them when they felt so far away. It created extreme tension to have my attention stretched from this intense, internal realm, to the external world. The thought came into my head 'they need to leave', but It did not feel like a thought that originated in my mind (which is completely strange, because it was all in my mind). It was demanding, and over and over and over again I heard and felt intensely, 'They should leave, they should leave. Tell them to leave'.
'They should leave, they should leave. Tell them to leave'.
It wasn't in my head so much as it was contained in the space around me that I was 'hearing' this thought, telling me to tell them to leave.
I attempted to tell my friends they needed to go, but it felt impossible. It felt like trying to wake myself up from a dream, so I tried to surface myself much like I would do if I were having a nightmare. It felt like it took every bit of will I had to get my eyes to open, and when I finally did so, I swore they popped open as wide as possible (but they didn't, the two friends reported I just barely opened my eyes and spoke very softly). I felt like I was holding up weights with my eyelids, it was extremely difficult. I could hardly see them, my vision completely distorted, but I said, 'You guys need to leave.” They obliged and got up to leave.
After re-closing my eyes I had again the squeezing feeling and began to fall back into that space. While I descend I can hear the bizarre, crackling chatter again, it almost sounded like creatures laughing, or speaking in a way I’ve never heard. I return to the space I was in before, only this time the environment started to form more solidly. I realized what I was looking at was the wall of my bedroom from the exact perspective of which I would see it if my eyes were open. But everything had such a deep, green hue, it felt like a gelatin mold of the external reality (gelatin mold is the closest thing I can compare what it felt/looked like, not solid, sort of holographic-ish).
**(Below, I refer to this entity as The Gate Keeper for a few reasons. I now have the comparison from my many other DMT experiences. Also, I noticed a pattern, it wasn't always consistent but happened many times. There would seem to be an initial entity that would give me a test (of willingness, I assume). If I could calm myself down enough to give in to what the Gate Keeper entities wanted me to do, then I would break through to a different realm where a more interactive experience would occur.)**
*Arrival of ’The Gate Keeper’:
From behind me this seamlessly soaked, shiny gold, lanky, but beyond graceful cat-like, human creature saunters out in front of me. I can still see her form and elegance so clearly, more graceful and confident than anything I've ever seen and felt (I have used DMT about 8 times now, and I’ve noticed that while in these realms what I see and hear is strongly feeling based. There is no language or communication, it’s all a telepathic feeling, a knowing). Its essence felt feminine. She was thin, long legs and arms, and tall. She had a long, curved tail that bounced slightly as she walked away from me, the tip of it was black. She stopped just in front of my bed, the wall to her left side, then turned her head to look at me. I say cat-like because she had cat-like facial features, with some black markings or stripes. I was in such disbelief that I was seeing this creature while feeling sound minded.
I was in such disbelief that I was seeing this creature while feeling sound minded.
She turned her head slowly and smiled, but not in a happy, or humored way. It felt like the kind of smile that would occur if an adult version of myself was across from and looking at my 6-year old self. The feeling of seeing yourself, but it’s not you, and there’s a feeling of admiration and acknowledgment of the younger-self’s naive nature, her innocence. The way she looked at me made me feel like she knew me the way I knew myself, but somehow she knew me more deeply.
*The Test of the Gate Keeper
She looked away, tilted her head down slightly, bent her knees half way down, leaned forward; then in a ritualistic way raised her back (left) arm up, and out, and her front (right) arm out, and down. As she did this a glass-like sphere formed between her spread out hands. She turned to face me briefly, it felt like she was watching my reaction like she knew I would understand what was happening. She faced back towards the sphere and began slowly compressing this orb with her hands, and everything in my view began to shrink into it. The entire room shrunk into this sphere, it looked like those 360, landscape panorama photos that are in the shape of a sphere. The space that was left after she compressed my room perspective into this sphere was concrete like, it was still, with again a dark green hue, it felt like an underground, paved, concrete cave.
She began constricting the perspective of the room contained in the orb, and it began to transform. At first shrinking inward, but the parts that disappeared inwards emerged contorted from the outer sides of the orb. I felt an understanding that I can’t explain, I remember hearing myself think loudly 'Oh no, god no, please no!” I knew somehow what she was doing: she was turning my external reality inside out. What was now inside the sphere was chaotic whirling, the room now indistinguishable. I could hardly catch a glance but it was geometric in some ways, and organic movement swirling, dancing together. This is when she directed me, not physically with words, but a thought and feeling that did not come from myself. She was saying: “You can do it, you need to do it”. I remember harshly resisting and trying to look away because, despite the vagueness, I understood what she was telling me to do. She wanted me to give into the process, to allow myself to be compressed like the orb, be turned inside out like the rest of my reality. I was extremely fearful at this point, I was confused by how I could understand what was happening, how perceiving this was even possible.
Despite my refusal, she persistently insisted, “Do it, you have to do it”. Finally, I regained some control of my shock and disbelief and reminded myself to not fight the current. I looked into the sphere, not with my eyes, but with intention. Like a gravitational pull, my being merged with the sphere. My awareness of myself as an entity disintegrated completely. I was nothing and everything at the same time. It is so difficult to explain this part, but I could feel reality churning inside out in an infinite way. Swirling, shifting, transforming, as if my point of awareness was floating down through each layer that comprises reality. The deeper down I went the more terrified I became, it felt like what the process of dying would be like, the spirit slipping out of the body, never to return. I had fallen into eternity, and I couldn’t find the courage to let myself be consumed by it. Out of sheer horror, I forced my eyes open, the room was hardly distinguishable since I was still tripping fairly hard.
It took a while for my essence and awareness to return to my body, and for a brief moment, I felt like I had amnesia. But as I came down more quickly I began processing what had happened. After telling, and acting out what happened to my friends, even trying to draw this entity I encountered, I immediately went to my computer to write down every detail I could remember.
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