Citation: DarkDesire27. "Reality: Light Through Glass: An Experience with LSD (exp112405)". Erowid.org. Oct 4, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112405
At the time I took this, I was also taking 10mg of Prednisone and 35 mg of methotrexate bi-weekly for my psoriatic arthritis.
2:30 pm: I dropped 4 tabs of LSD. Went in with positive mind set. To help me not be hungry during, I had a fruit smoothie that was prepared for me by my friend A.
2:40pm: When it started there was a feeling of being very overwhelmed. Describing it simply as “muscle fatigue” would be inaccurate but it did seem like it, mixed with that restless leg feeling a person sometimes gets when they are very tired and haven't yet gone to bed. Instead of being in the legs however, it was in the back of my neck and shoulders. It made me tingle a little so I'd try to stretch and yawn, even take a few deep breaths to relieve it but nothing worked. I told my friend A I had this intense feeling that I “needed relief from.” He seemed to understand and said that the LSD was just making me feel pains that I usually ignored.
I wanted to take a walk outside because my first trip went bad, and I remembered that I felt a little boxed in the first time. This time I wanted a much different trip so my and A agreed that showing me his neighborhood would be perfect for allowing me to get out and go on a walk if I felt I needed a change. He showed me around and I remember feeling different and slowly noticing a difference in my perception. Also to note, throughout most of the trip but particularly at the beginning before the “peak,” I got this weird shuddering feeling and felt very shaky at times. Particularly in my jaw.
When we got back in I noticed the color schemes. Everything was so beautiful. I noticed a rainbow centered around A's dining table. The way everything was set up it was like one corner was red and the plants took care of the blue and green on the opposite side. When I pointed it out A said he couldn't see it. I noticed it because I believed that these things (patterns and specific “programed signs”) were all around us all of the time but that our brains are designed not to notice them so that we don't realize we are in a simulation. I kept this incredibly hard-to-articulate thought to myself for obvious reasons. (My speech was turning into rubbish). I remember we returned outside briefly to relax while the sun was still out. This is when I first noticed actually visual distortions as some might call “fractals.” I made my hands into a triangle for some reason (think of Tien's Tri-beam cannon from Dragonball, if you're familiar with the series), and inside of the “window” I saw all kinds of different distortions and colors. It also made a bubble-like affect. Around my hands themselves the corners of this bubble were blue. I was so fascinated and I looked over at A to notice him being amused at my wonder. When I looked away from my hands the visual distortions had spread to everything else as well. My hands now left long trails behind them when I moved them, with my glowing fingertips highlighting the shadows left by my hands. I think it was the way my fingernails themselves were reflecting the sunlight.
There was an intense sensation of deja vu with this trip.
There was an intense sensation of deja vu with this trip.
Not like the regular deja vu when I feel like I've “been here before” or are “re-experiencing a memory.” Rather it was like I have had a very similar trip before with the same after image affects and the same distortions and emotional intensity. But I have never done 4 tabs of LSD or any similarly strong substance before. I couldn't place it nor explain it. It seems like I've watched movies or shows with these same effects in them but the references escape me, except maybe the scene in the movie Wanted where he shoots the wings off of the flies. There was no describing the level of familiarity I felt, almost like a lost memory just below the surface.
Visual and touch sensations also became distorted. My hands felt as if they were growing and shrinking at the same time. A and I would take another walk and A would find a rock and pass it to me. I felt it in my hand and I felt as if my hands would shrink and grow at the same time. I said to A that the rock was one and everything. (Whatever that meant but sometimes I would talk just to fill the silence). It sounded profound to me and then I noticed that the rock really did have aspects of everything when it was in my hand. The heat from the sun, the cool from the shade underneath, the air I felt under it too, there was my flesh and the stone, but most importantly light and darkness. I felt as if this rock had a power to it and wanted to hold onto it so I did.
Unlike with my first trip my heart wasn't beating too fast, in fact according to my fitbit my heart rate was very normal and sometimes even calmer than usual. There were times I felt euphoric in this trip. Also, going back inside I noticed a lot of things had shells around them, not just lights. As if looking at them through a prism or a mirror angled at another mirror in a specific kind of way. This led me to the conclusion that all of reality was “light reflected through glass.” After images began to become so obvious that they trailed slowly behind my hands. (Reference Hunter X Hunter when the old man uses his nen to hit Pitou before they attack the Ant King. There were distinct afterimages but all of them were a part of the image). There were at least seven after images to everything (I'm re-iterating this, the trails become more obvious by this point). Birds left long, mostly black with a bit of bright color vibrating through, trails behind them as they flew. Cars also did the same but the colors would match the cars.
I got to a point where I felt sleepy. When I came back inside the second or third time, I forget which it was, I had brought the rock with me and A had taken it to put it away. I was feeling tired somehow, sleepy even, and decided to briefly lay down while A went to take care of his pets. As I lay there, I noticed symbols forming when my eyes were closed and when they were open too. I saw a person who looked like a mixture between a goddess and a man. In my mind this being was kind of like a guardian of some kind but I think it also had a bit of myself mixed in. This person/entity had many arms and gave off a very strong Hindi kind of look/vibe. I saw the symbols taking on Egyptian and Hindi qualities, although I cannot remember them clearly anymore. Some of them may have been alchemic symbols. They aligned themselves to three sides, one set on top, the other sets on the right and left. The ones on the right and left began to glow blue and red on opposite sides. (An entire side would be highlighted by only one color). The top never got to glow but I think it was about to when A came in. I was sure something awesome was going to happen because I think the symbols were going to combine together or do something like a spell. But I guess I'll never know. Upon being awoken from this I remember thinking I had seen many feathers around the room, but there weren't any when I actually looked. I thought they were like a male peacock's feathers but it must have been from the mental images I had seen of that one entity.
During this trip I saw many many symbols of which only some I can remember that stuck out to me. Of these symbols, all of which moved constantly, and some of which were filled with color, while others were transparent and had a glowing kind of iridescent outline. Some of them I could look at and see part of them, move my eyes and see another part, and move them back to see the original part. It was kind of like looking at eye floaters but way more complex and beautiful.
One of the symbols I saw resembled the “Cube of Metatron” which is also coincidentally my phone's lock screen. The largest symbol I saw, which was kind of faint to look at, was the Flower of Life, except it just kept going on and was everywhere. I'm not too familiar with their names, but when I saw them I realized I've seen these signs before and consulted Dr. Google. While watching television I noticed a lot of them and in the center was a six-armed swastika. I couldn't find anything quite like this, but it was thick and had rounded ends. One of the trippiest symbols I saw, however, was something like a triskele (a Gaelic triangle-looking thing). It was purple and had other colors too, was kind of transparent and moved.
A's head looked like it was vibrating intensely. This trip was getting really strong by now. Emotions felt more powerful so I knew I had to tread carefully here. This was around the time the symbols would be constantly there, kind of like how fractals are described. Fractals were there too. I decided that maybe I should go watch TV with A. A ended up falling asleep so I got out my headphones and started listening to music videos. My favorite one was Umbrella by Rihanna. Under the influence of LSD I realized this song was a masterpiece. I will also note that even though the songs seemed longer and there was obvious music euphoria, the drug-induced music pleasure wasn't quite up to par with what DXM could do to music. This is just my opinion though, other people may have the opposite affect with them.
I had gone to the restroom at some point and looked in the mirror. I noticed a wrinkle on my forehead and the white hairs on the side of my head that are mostly hidden. This bugged me because I haven't accomplished much in life and I'm already seeing the signs of senescence that aging causes us. When I went back to my music I closed my eyes again feeling tired but this time saw something horrifying. I saw a guy in a mirror, not necessarily me or the mirror I saw myself in, and I saw him get shriveled up into something even more shriveled than a mummy. His eyes and teeth all disappeared into black holes in his face, like a skeleton. His horrified face burned into my memory. I knew instinctively that he died lonely, accomplishing nothing and feeling so alone and unwanted. I knew the reason this happened too. There was a Great Evil in the world that drained all things of life, youth, health, and everything good. It was the orchestrator of Death, war, hatred, and deceit. The reason we all die and live horrible lives could be attributed to the fact that we all at one point or another have used its power. To lie, to hurt someone else, to feel envious, to try to empower ourselves... I knew then that the only way to avoid this kind of life where I would die just like that guy would be to try to be a better person. A better Christian. I'm not going to get too religious in this report though. I will say that there was a fear of death and that I feared in this death I would be in a place of extreme mental anguish and possibly physical pain as well. I visualized more eye guts and bodily gore than I actually want to describe. I thankfully managed to minimize this by not trying to visualize it so it never manifested into my mental imagery. But it was always there and made my teeth feel very weird. Tripping makes my teeth feel strange anyway though.
I afterward realized that the thing we all want the most in the world is the same kind of peace and comfort we got when we were small children being held by our mothers. It's a calm and peace you only got when you were very tiny though, and you lose it over time as you lose your innocence and everything else that makes you adored, special, and full of hope/potential. Once it's gone it's gone and you spend your entire life wishing you could get some of that back in some way. Not necessarily a mother/child bond, but more like a kind of fully loving, fully supportive reassurance that can stave off the bad thoughts, the anxiety, and the fear of the unknown. I would dwell on this thought quite a lot.
At one point, while I was listening to music on my phone with my headphones I began to hear all of the sounds of the world at once. It was incredible. I heard the fish tank, I heard crickets, birds outside, and an almost inaudible humming or buzzing sound that's always present but unheard. I referred to all of this noise as “Hidden Chatter.” I was thoroughly convinced that the Universe itself was trying to talk to me. It was both frightening and beautiful at the same time. After my first LSD trip I was always worried that I could easily fall into a bad trip, so I am now always cautious. I was the one that kinda convinced my friend A to try it with me. He loved it, but that first trip really messed me up with anxiety I never knew possible. So now I'm cautious with it. I've also noticed that tripping, particularly on acid, makes me more shy and afraid to share my feeling and opinions. I guess I feel more vulnerable in that state?
tripping, particularly on acid, makes me more shy and afraid to share my feeling and opinions. I guess I feel more vulnerable in that state?
While I was listening to my music earlier I had seen an image in my mind of a woman. A woman I was somehow familiar with but couldn't quite place. I've seen her in advertisements, tv shows, movies, and possibly in passing. I thought this person could be some type of spy or a regulator of the simulation that is Life. I'll do my best to describe her. At first I thought she kind of resembled my crush, but she definitely also resembled a mixture of Tatiana Maslaney and Betsy Beutler, to name a couple, with a very strong resemblance to Chelsey Reist). Sometimes she'd appear to have darker hair and brown irises but mostly she seemed to appear in my mind with the blond hair and lighter eyes. I had so many theories and speculations about this woman. One of which was that I was incapacitated and in a simulation of life and my body was being cared for by her, who was either a supervisor or a nurse. But then my mind started to think that she was me, and that I was remembering who I actually was. It sounds weird but I was briefly worried that I would wake up in her body. At the same time, I thought, if it's my body then I wanted to.
I decided at a certain point to go back outside and walk around the neighborhood while A was busy trying to get some sleep. I noticed that there were a lot more neighbors than I thought there'd be so I was kind of paranoid about that. I remember trying to keep calm and remain “cool” while I walked by some of them because I was a stranger here and didn't want to have to interact, especially with my speech and comprehension extremely compromised. During one of my laps around the neighborhood I noticed that there were children playing. I was walking and suddenly one boy shouts something indiscernible to his mother. She tells him “No, get back inside” etc, something, I'm guessing because she's never seen me before. The kid then starts shouting louder and louder, and I assume he's trying to follow me too. “No! That's him! THAT'S HIM!!!! THAT'S THE GUY!!!!!!” is what my hilariously drugged up mind thought he was saying, even though I couldn't actually hear what was being said. I don't know this neighborhood or anyone in it so I get worried and try to remain calm as I walk away. When I get back to A's house I make the executive decision to stay in his yard, away from any obnoxious brats.
I try to get relaxed but no matter what I do it seems the only place I can feel the breeze, which really helps the euphoria start in, is to be sitting in the middle of the grass. I obviously cannot walk around the neighborhood anymore, no matter how good the air feels. A couple jogs by, seeing me kneeling by my friend's car. I decide that it looks suspicious as hell so I move to the center of the yard and lay down in the grass. I am watching the sun setting and am enjoying the view of the clouds in the sky.
When I'm looking at them I see some of them changing shape, slowly. I see a big bird in the clouds, like a phoenix. I also see swords pointing straight down at me. Clouds can't do that unless it is a funnel cloud but that looks different. This more so resembled one of those checkpoints in a video game that shoots a thin pillar of light upwards. At this point the shapes take on more character-like movements. The clouds, whenever I wasn't thinking, began to move on their own and turned into armored warriors, some of them on horses. I saw so many horses up there. I've never seen clouds that look like horses before. I look away for a second and look back only to see that all of the warriors have been impaled by gigantic white arrows. All but one, who stands in the center of the rest of the fallen soldiers. I think the imagery is really cool. I'm a bit confused because I cannot tell if he is riding a horse or if he is a centaur. Either one is still pretty bad-ass.
The sun goes down slowly and I can feel my thoughts betraying me. I begin once again thinking about that shriveled up mummy-looking guy, the one that represented that evil force in the world that decays all things. Thoughts like “no one will ever love you” and “you'll die alone, in agony, and then you'll rot in Hell” casually glance by me. I gravitate towards them for brief atto seconds and then shake myself out of it, not wanting to experience that level of misery. I notice the street lights now have these shells around them.
(Keep in mind, it's been a few months since this happened, I'm just now finishing this trip report in September because of a lack of time and procrastination. Also, I took shrooms on the last day of July so for some reason that makes it harder to remember the timings of this one). (So I took the shrooms around 2:30 pm, and the sun goes down some time around 7:30 or 8 in the summer if I'm not mistaking. The peak was definitely between 6 pm and 7pm because I was watching music videos and noticed that some of the people became extremely distorted and everything took on much deeper meanings and became a lot more personal. Also that was sometime around the “Hidden Chatter” which felt kind of like my head was ringing. I think after the sun went down I was slowly but surely tapering off).
I remember I wanted to watch anime shows or movies but my friend didn't know what to put on, so he turns on Netflix and tells me to choose. But I'm super high right now so making choices seems an insurmountable task made even harder by my heightened insecurity about my own likes. He ends up turning to a bunch of stuff I don't even want to watch. Some of it was pretty graphic, which I still think even sober that it was intentional because he's talked about tripping and watching horror things before. But those are passing thoughts. He's a very good friend and one of the only people in the universe I trust to that degree. But while I was tripping I perceived a lot of what he said as dismissive, like how you'd talk to a child that had too much sugar for breakfast. A thought that came to mind was “You're supposed to be a trip sitter, not a baby sitter.” I did feel stupid trying to explain some things, mostly because my words didn't work. The thoughts were there but the words weren't so what came out of my mouth was incoherent babble.
Later in the night we decided to walk around the street. I notice that even now the street lights had the shells around them and they were beautifully multi-colored. Instead of the usual star-shape that bright lights have around them, they had an oblong yet octagonal shape, with pointed corners and multiple layers. It looked vastly different. Even car headlights looked insanely different, I'd say futuristic sometimes because they'd look like a merged line with the lights on the corners.
When we passed by one of the houses I perceived something that looked like a gigantic bacterium wrapping itself around a street lamp. It was like an anaconda, but segmented, see-through, and had this energy vibrating off of it. It glowed on the edges. I wasn't sure what the hell it was and I tried asking A but he was in his own little world and just told me to stay off of that neighbor's property and to stop pointing. I asked him later what it was and he said it was probably a security system. I asked “What kind of security system looks like that? I've never seen that in my life.” He said “Probably because you were high.” Yet for some reason he was unable to describe what it looked like to me when I was sober. I have theories about that for another time.
Anyway, we spent an inordinate amount of time walking just for the hell of it, at night time on the side of the road. We walked through a few neighborhoods, me making note of how beautiful they were. When we finally got back, and trust me I wanted to get back before the LSD wore off because I felt myself getting more sober by the minute, we turn the tv back onto Netflix. Some show that is an accumulation of bad movies with three characters that talk during the movie about how bad it is. It's pretty amusing, and I find it to be one of the more enjoyable parts of the trip involving tv. There's also this very dumb movie called Yoga Hosiers which we watched before that aforementioned “movie night” show. After A goes to sleep on the couch I start seeing that one person who looked like kind of like Chelsey Reist again. Actually, I never stopped seeing her in my mind. I kept thinking I was in a simulation and that she was the real me, which was disorientingly arousing in a weird way.
By morning the trip has pretty much worn off. I'm starting to feel negative feelings for some reason. Me and A go for another walk, and I feel extremely dirty. Weirdly enough I am getting depressed the more sober I get. When we get inside and I'm busy getting my things ready to leave I decide to have a couple of Not Your Father's root beers because I had heard that alcohol can help negate the affects of a trip. I feel as if the depression would be too much to handle. Honestly I can't say that it works because I think it could, but at the same time if depression is part of the come down alcohol won't help with that specific part.
By the time I go home I just want to be close to my parents. I can't explain it. I feel like there's something missing from my life and that feeling is really strong after acid, and persists long after it's out of my system, for months even. It's probably partly a lack of sleep, so when I get home, and shower I try to go to sleep. The only problem is that in the come down of acid it's hard to want to be alone because of the depression. But the depression is rough because of the tiredness. It's a Catch 22. I finally get to sleep because no one is home anyway, and eventually after that I am back to normal and actually feel a lot less depressed and sad than I've felt since my first LSD trip.
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