Citation: Student of Life. "Two Psychoses in One: An Experience with Diphenidine & 1P-LSD (exp112416)". Erowid.org. Oct 11, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112416
||Pharms - Bupropion
| T+ 0:00
||(powder / crystals)
| T+ 0:00
||Vitamins / Supplements
| T+ 0:00
||(powder / crystals)
| T+ 0:00
||(blotter / tab)
| T+ 3:00
||Pharms - Diazepam
||(pill / tablet)
| T+ 0:00
I've been thinking of trying a diphenidine and LSD combination for a while, and today I decided to go for it. It's Wednesday evening, the weather has been rainy and gloomy for a week now so I'm definitely in need of a little escape. I had no particular plans for this trip other than starting at a reasonable dose and seeing how it goes, with maybe taking a higher dose at a later occasion.
I've tried a dissociative + LSD-25 combination before
which I found to be pretty stressful but extremely interesting; I could pick out instruments and sound samples from music in extreme detail and had the whole world disassemble in front of me. Back then I was in a fairly stressful life situation as well so my baseline stress definitely was higher. Let's see if I can relax this time.
Some background: I've had a lot of experience with psychedelics and dissociatives so I don't consider myself a beginner regarding psychoactive substances. Haven't eaten anything today aside from some cheese, been drinking green tea all day.
T-6:30 - Took 150 mg of Bupropion, along with 5000 IU of vitamin D3 and a level teaspoon of ascorbic acid (vitamin C) crystals.
T-X:XX - Smoked 3 cigarettes during the day.
T+0:00 - It's 18:10. Weighed and took 100 mg of diphenidine and 1 tab (100 micrograms) of 1P-LSD, orally. Ate the diphenidine straight off the scale and put the tab between my front upper gums and lip for buccal absorption. Diphenidine tastes awful, but that's how it goes with powdered psychoactives. Decided to take them both at the same time as both of the substances take a while to kick in.
T+0:10 - Started typing this report. Mouth feels numb, as tends to happen with diphenidine powder. Also loaded up my portable vaporizer with cannabis in case I want to kick things up a notch.
T+0:40 - First alerts have gone by, I'm feeling some physical discomfort and and I find concentrating to be harder by the minute. Electric lights seem to flicker and I'm acutely aware of my senses. Electric appliances in my apartment produce a metallic hum. Moving around feels a bit awkward, my sense of balance is off.
T+1:00 - Subjective feeling of colors is very dramatized. Contrast between light sources is very apparent. Every electric device creates a aural feeling of discomfort.
T+2:00 - I had a psychotic attack. I lost contact with reality. -i have noo ´´idea what happened here. Time and space feels extremely warped.
T+3:0I'm trying to control whatws happening . taking benzodiapenes
trying to get a hold of what happened
Right now its 21:47
not trying to explain it since I'm still in the middle of the psychotic experience
I feel like I have multiple personalities in mefighting betweeen to realities is very taxing. I do not understand why I am here
Above is what I managed to type during the experience. Right now it's 14:00 on the following day and I'm finishing this report.
Well, whew, where to start. I think I remember that I started losing touch with my surroundings at T+1:00. I was sitting at my computer when I got a sudden feeling of lethargy, got up and started hugging my carpet. My sense of balance was pretty much trashed so I crawled to my bed in another room. This is where things started getting really weird.
I lost track of my consciousness. What I remember next was being trapped in a sort of a void between space and time. My apartment was stuck in a single 'slice', or a 'frame', of time and I could wander around in it without being sure where I came from. Subjectively I just appeared in different places randomly. I had no idea if time had progressed, and if I typed something into my report it could have disappeared from my screen the next time I would look at it (this seemed to be random, it was as if I would be in a loop and replay some experiences over and over, and these sequences would be experienced in a non-linear fashion, eg. I got the feeling of being warped back and forth in time). This was extremely distressing as I had no control whatsoever of myself.
Eventually when I could get a grip of myself I found myself on my bed feeling that I've been laying there for a lifetime, the room spinning in a spiral of madness. I reasoned to myself that this must stop and forced myself to concentrate long enough to go get some benzos (2 x 5 mg pill of diazepam). The trip to the medicine cabinet was very arduous and I am extremely glad I was able to pick out the right package out of all of the medicine in there (I need to prepare benzos beforehand in the future). This did make the jumping in time stop eventually, but I experienced another kind of psychosis: when my mind began piecing together the slices of memories of what happened I entered a state of dissociated multiple personalities (this is at about T+3:30, so 21:40); each of these slices of memories from before began to generate justifications that they were the experience of the 'real me', and the other slices represented a separate identity that was controlling my behavior. To justify this I started fully believing that an acquaintance and another friend of mine were figments of my imagination, and since those slices of memories could not be connected otherwise my mind reasoned to itself that they must have been separate identities controlling my behavior. I got a handle on this eventually but this is how people begin developing psychological disorders if they're susceptible to it.
I also got an intense feeling of paranoia. I believed I was put into this state and was under surveillance. The reason for this I figured was that someone, an authority most probably, wanted me to admit some wrongdoing in my past. I have no idea what that could be, though I somehow connect this phenomenon to an earlier experience with psychedelics wherein I lost contact with my consciousness and found myself outside my apartment. I have no idea what I did that day, but it must have not been illegal since I've not been contacted by the police, or anyone else for that matter. I do however get paranoid feelings of doing something terrible that day, like performing an act of violence on a small child. Maybe that represents my deepest fear? Was I a victim of violence in my childhood and that is a repressed memory of mine? Whatever it may be, it's something I must think about since I don't feel like this thing is letting go of me.
Eventually I found myself to be calm enough not to believe in any nonsense. I believe this was when I left my last timestamp (22:32 which is T+4:22); I was mentally too exhausted to type anything down so I decided to wrap things up the next day. Looking at the computer screen was extremely tiring: the screen would shine so bright I could not make sense of what was on it and a storm of bright colorful letters would assault my eyes. My sensory capacity was overloaded nearly instantly. Something similar was happening most of the time during the experience but I struggled to pull through to type what I could.
Later on I couldn't get any sleep and decided to vaporize the bowl of cannabis I prepared. This produced a very 'earthy' feel and caused a lot of closed eye visuals. It also created a very enjoyable bodily sensation which I appreciated. It did not bring back the trip, as cannabis can do with psychedelics, but mellowed the situation well. 01:00 was the last time I looked at the clock, rolled around in the bed for a long time before getting to sleep, and woke up around 11:00 the next morning with a slight headache (didn't get up until 14:00).
So, all in all, I think what happened was pretty much a recipe for disaster. If I hadn't had experience of psychoactive substances before this would have been MUCH worse with more panicking and more intense paranoia. I think the combination has potential for a very interesting 'hole' experience but 1P-LSD does seem to be so energizing that instead of laying down I wandered around, causing what I experienced. Maybe a quarter of a tab will do the trick, or maybe not. I might try that out later.
All in all, even though everything might have seemed bad I think I got something valuable out of this. Somehow I believe I have a better grip on my paranoid feelings and I have a feeling of improved confidence.
Anyways, this combination is DEFINITELY NOT for the faint of heart or a beginner. Stay safe!
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