Citation: Brandon . "Dropped Acid, Landed in Hell: An Experience with LSD (exp112460)". Erowid.org. Oct 31, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112460
||(blotter / tab)
I was introduced to acid by a good friend in 2016 back when our marijuana dealer had informed him he had some blotter, It was a plain white sheet nothing special we saved it to take it at school which in the process I stored incorrectly and ruined my hit (we both bought one). I also think our dealer was storing it incorrectly as well. That led to my friend wanting to really experience it so he searched for a year to find some.
Fast forward to April 2017 he had miraculously found himself on probation so he couldn't smoke anymore but luckily for him and unlucky for me he had found someone who got quality acid off the dark web which I was suspicious of. My friend seemed to love it he even began selling it so I grew to trust his source as my friend told me more and more about his experiences. Now a bit of context 2017 was a horrible year for me my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me on new years day and left me for one of my 'friends' so I was going through a rough patch in life. So I finally decided to try acid and my friend was happy to let me we went to his house and he had a sheet that had superheros on them. He pulled my two hits off and told me to take them both (he said no balls so me being the person I am immediately put them on my tongue). I think I had the head of the hulk and half of iron mans leg. Now this is where I messed up. I had done ZERO preparation and had no idea what I had gotten myself into
I had done ZERO preparation and had no idea what I had gotten myself into
(a really big no no on my part). As it was dissolving we rode bikes to a nearby park it had started to kick in when we got there around 6:00pm.
As it started to get darker our other friend who I'll call James showed up. My friend I got the acid off had to leave because of his probation curfew so me and james headed to my house. James was sober and wanted to smoke weed and I thought it would be harmless for me to smoke as well (boy was I wrong weed seems to intensify acid from experience). So we had decided to go and get weed and see if our dealer wanted to go by this smoking spot down by a creek down the street from his house. It was about 10pm now and we made our way down through the woods to the spot, I was tripping hard at this point and none of the following helped my situation.
It was pitch black and I was in my head not speaking to James or our dealer. I had fun though laughing when I would talk to them. We had smoked a fat blunt that was probably 2 grams and we smoked a half gram out of my new blubber I had brought with us. I remember thinking something about growing up and how my friends were bringing me down and keeping me from 'growing up'. I dont know why I thought that but it had some truth to it but I kept going with it and thinking about it as I was riding my bike home. My mind was thinking faster then I could debunk what I thinking. I got home not even worrying about anything else I just kept thinking and going deeper which led to me thinking I had found the meaning of life (that would be funny to me if the night hadn't taken such a sharp turn so quickly). I started to write down all these crazy idiotic ideas I had in my phone thinking I was going to be praised for my discovery. But somehow I went to my deleted notes on my phone and I thought that god was telling me these thing through the acid and had deleted everything I wrote (in my mind I thought holy cow god just spoke to me). So after I thought my discovery had just been deleted I started thinking of ways to bypass god and prove I was right, so I decided to write on my wall 'why can't I get money and smoke weed to' (why that phrase I wouldn't be able to tell you its the dumbest thing about this). I decided to show my mom so she wouldn't ask what happened in the morning. By this point I was starting to lose my grip on reality and I didn't even know it.
I decided to go to bed so my masterpiece would stay their till the morning everything seems logical to me. So off to bed I went for some reason I decided to sleep in the dark which I never do I always sleep with the tv on. But my ps3 was off so its red light was beaming through my room. This is when it got bad the red light on my ps3 started to take a pattern and formed like a wire-frame elevator lowering me into what I thought was hell. I remember thinking the elevator was jolting but that was probably just my body shaking from such an intense feeling. When the 'elevator' stopped I sat up and saw a upside down cross that was red above my door. That is what sold it for me and I stood up and said 'I'm ready for you' thinking the devil was going to appear in a cloud of red smoke like a cartoon. By this time my mom had started to wonder why I was making so much noise cause it was 1am at this point.
So get this my mom comes and opens my door and shes wearing a blue shirt and her phone was illuminating blue all around her so right away I think shes god and I walk out of my room to see what god has in store for me. I don't remember what made me think I was dead but at that point I was more worried about being in hell forever. Everything felt like it kept repeating I'd leave my room go in her room then be back in my room at the blink of an eye which really disoriented me and made everything worse. I got really angry with god for sending me to hell and I was pleading with her to save me cause I didn't want to go to hell. I told her I was dead and got on my knees and started saying everything one would say in the face of god to try to sway his (her in this case) decision and save my soul and I look up and she was crying. I thought god was disappointed in me and I hurt her for the way I lived my life but she was crying cause she thought her son was dying a horrible death. Once I realized pleading won't work I somehow came to the conclusion that I needed to kill myself so I can die without a soul (which makes no sense at all but shows you how fast I was thinking and how real it felt). So I decided I was gonna kill myself so I thought of the most practical way to do it and decided to go grab the toaster from the kitchen then ran into my room and started ripping the extension cord from my wall while my mom was screaming at me 'what are you doing' and all I yelled back was 'don't you fu**ing care about me' luckily something made me forget I was going to kill myself and made me move on to growling like a bear and pounding on my stone table with my fist.
At this point I was blacking out every 5 mins and would regain control for split seconds as if I needed to see the chaos I was creating. This is the part I don't want to admit to myself but I remember coming back from blacking out and my mom was crying and said 'why did you hit me'. I have never felt so low in my life I know it wasn't me I'd never hit my mom I'm glad I don't remember hitting her but I know that she remembers. I don't know how she can say she loves me anymore. But after that I blacked out again and came to in the kitchen with a knife in my hand then I stabbed it into the fridge. I wasn't thinking about killing my mother but I really do believe in this state of 'possession' I was in I would've if I hadn't regained control long enough to get rid of the knife and that really haunts me that in a couple seconds I could've destroyed everything I've ever loved just because I didn't educate myself about what I was doing and how I wasn't in the right state of mind to be experimenting with something so potent.
Before I knew it it was 5 am and my uncle was on the phone. I talked to him. He told me to take a shower and said something about something getting hot so hung up because I thought he was the devil messing with me. I started to comedown after the phone call and just kept saying whoa every 5 minutes because I thought I had figured it out but nothing ever changed it was just my disturbed mind mixed with acid and a whole lot of negative energy.
The next day I woke up and felt drained of all my energy I couldn't think straight for a week and when I did I went down a psychosis induced rabbit hole trying to find god and save myself from hell. This lasted until I think I built up so much energy from waking up everyday thinking of killing myself and having a hatred towards god for not helping me like I thought he would. So I just pleaded 'send me a sign I can't do this anymore what do you want more do you want from me'. God didn't answer but something else did in the form of a number, the number was 23. It lead me on the path to happiness and positive thoughts and a new way of thinking. I think the universe sent me that sign (or I'm just crazy I accept the facts) but overall this experience will be one I will never forget not only because of the horrifying feeling I had but because I learned a lot about myself and life. If I could go back in time and stop myself I wouldn't because "you learn the most from the worst things in life".
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