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Meeting with Beth
by Mihkal
Citation:   Mihkal. "Meeting with Beth: An Experience with Desoxyescaline (exp112513)". Oct 30, 2018.

T+ 0:00
20 mg oral Desoxyescaline (powder / crystals)
  T+ 6:00 500 ug oral Clonazolam  


Desoxyescaline is 4-ethyl-3,5-dimethoxyphenethylamine—this material came out of a pilot project to explore several novel 3,4,5-substituted phenethylamines, some already documented, some not.

20mg of the hydrochloride salt—a crystalline white powder—was dissolved in water and consumed at noon.

+1h: There’s a faint pressure in my head, and a vague sense of awareness, but nothing more.

+1h30: I first felt it in earnest—a growing sense of purpose and energy took over me. I felt driven to do something, but I wasn’t sure what. So I began preparing lunch, but interrupted myself to take care of seemingly random chores—I cracked eggs into a bowl, then paused to take out the trash, returned to cut onions, then stopped halfway to wash dishes. This sort of scattered workflow is typical for me on psychedelics, but here it was marked by an unusual confidence. Every action I took felt “right,” even if it made no logical sense.

+2h: After finally cooking my omelette, I sat down to eat, but each bite I took bombarded my mind with sensation—a literally nauseating variety of tastes and textures. I set the food aside and jump into bed to let the sick feeling settle. It never quite does, and the body load continues to intensify despite attempts to distract myself with music. Time begins to slow down, and I feel mentally overwhelmed—thinking feels like forcing wet sand through a sieve.

+2h30: The body load eases for a moment, and so does the mental pressure. Every part of me relaxes and lightens up, and I have a moment to appreciate the visuals and tactile sensations. Edges are shimmering, colors are bright, pillows are soft, all is well.

+3h: Another wave of nausea and anxiety builds. My perception of temperature breaks down—I feel hot and cold and every gradient in between. It’s simply too much. “Stop the ride—I want to get off!” The pressure drives me to tears, and I end up fighting for an anchor to keep me grounded. I think about the advice and comfort my parents have given me when I’ve confided to them about stresses dealing with work and socializing. It’s a sort of positive thought loop—“you have a supportive family, and good parents who love you—” that brings me back down.

By +3h40m, I’m admiring beautiful rainbow snowflakes on the ceiling. All is good again. A solid plus three.

+3h-6h: Although not as intense as previously, this pendulum between sickly anxiety and comforting relief oscillates for another three hours.
+3h-6h: Although not as intense as previously, this pendulum between sickly anxiety and comforting relief oscillates for another three hours.
My state of mind then settles into a weird and deeply unsatisfying middle ground.

+6h-13h: I continue noticing visuals, including some impressive fractal patterns. But none of it seems especially compelling, and at this point I begin to realize that I am not entirely sure what to think about. In past psychedelic experiences, the headspace has always guided my thoughts along some path, like a current; on mescaline, it’s a gently meandering river, while on metocin, it’s more of a rushing rapid. Here, on desoxyescaline, I feel like I am rowing a boat through a murky marsh—there’s no guidance whatsoever. It’s a strange sort of mental fog that frustrates me further with time.

Time continues to pass, and this state of neutrality only deepens. I page through PiHKAL and Shulgin’s pharmacology notes, seeking a similar experience, anything to assure myself. Searching for meaning, or perhaps a name for my enemy, I finally found it in PiHKAL—the “Beth” state, described in the entry for ALEPH-7. “A state of uncaring, of anhedonia, and of emotionlessness...many drugs have a touch of this Beth state,” Shulgin writes.

And so I remained stuck in this Beth state for six hours. Further details would be redundant—all I did for these six hours was attempt to read a book I had set aside, and aimlessly browse the Internet. I felt too burned out to do anything else. By midnight, I had had enough—the visuals and headspace had only slightly ebbed. Part of me had a stubborn desire to see the trip through to the bitter end, but at this point I just wanted to sleep and move on with my life. I take 500ug clonazolam to suppress the effects of desoxyescaline at midnight, and finally come down enough to rest an hour later. Even then, sleep was fitful and marked by disturbing imagery.

The next day felt hazy, a mix of lingering sedation from the clonazolam and residual influence of the desoxyescaline. I noticed light fractal patterns a full 27 hours after the original dose, and my pupils remained somewhat dilated the whole day. I didn’t feel fully at baseline until the following day.

Desoxyescaline certainly impressed me with its potency and duration. I just wish it was qualitatively better. It could be a one-off mishap; perhaps another dose, under different conditions and a more positive mindset, may have a much different character. But I am in no hurry to try again soon.

Exp Year: 2018ExpID: 112513
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 24 
Published: Oct 30, 2018Views: 1,657
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Desoxyescaline (876) : Alone (16), Hangover / Days After (46), General (1)

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