Citation: Curious George. "Rolling Together for the First Time at 40: An Experience with MDMA & Cannabis (exp112532)". Erowid.org. Nov 3, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112532
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Substance: MDMA & Cannabis
Dose: 100 mg x 3 for him (guesstimate) (every 2-3 hours)
100 mg x 4 for her (guesstimate) (every 2-3 hours)
Details: 80kg 40 year old Male (him)
65kg 39 year old Female (her)
A little background on us; we are a happily married middle class couple. Our relationship started when we were 20 and we’ve been inseparable ever since. Both of us have respectable careers and we have a mortgage and young kids (kindergarten and school). We are avid cannabis users; every evening we smoke 3-6 joints. The only times we ever have days where we aren’t smoking is when we take a family vacation abroad. Our favorite getaway is Amsterdam…
Other than cannabis we tried shrooms only once together in Amsterdam. It was the lightest version and in my experience it was like a super-high; there were subtle visual effects and a very giddy feeling but nothing significantly psychedelic (I expected more visuals…).
The setting for this occasion is my 40th birthday. My wife arranged for a romantic cabin in the wild and sending the kids off to our parents. A year earlier, for my 39th birthday, I received MDMA from two different friends. One batch was “enough for the two of you” and the second batch was “a little less than enough for two”. That’s what I was told. Although I was excited to try it out, my wife was more reluctant and it just sat in our secret stash for a year… Now the setting was right; we’re isolated, the kids are with our parents for the next few days. It’s time to take the plunge into HARD drugs.
A little about our mindset; my wife was all about “this is your birthday and I’ll do whatever I can to please you” (she’s amazing). I was (still am) in the throes of mid-life crisis - feelings of not achieving what I wanted and things I always wanted to do but have put off… Specifically I had some sexual baggage I was carrying; I jumped from being an inexperienced young kid (yes at 20 I was still very naive) into a loving relationship. Early on I never felt like something was missing because we were so in love. The love continued on but feelings of what have I missed and things I wanted to explore were taxing me. I had made a resolution with myself that the things I wanted and perceived that my wife couldn’t give me, I’d go elsewhere. To this point I have never been unfaithful. But the thoughts were on my mind more and more often recently.
We knew very little of MDMA. I was very ignorant on the fine details of dosage and nutrient supplements. Moreover, my wife has been on an SSRI meds for a few years now. I was unaware of the potential complication and how it affects the experience.
I think that there was a big part of me that wanted to be reckless for once; I was always very cautious and careful. Too often I felt that I missed on experiences for being overly cautious. So we practically jumped into the MDMA roll with very minimal preparation.
We arrive after a 2 hour drive to the desert cabin. It was beautiful with all sorts of fun: external jacuzzi, smart tv with netflix, a bluetooth speaker you can listen to in the cabin or take outside to the jacuzzi. A great view of the mountains and very isolated.
We have 2 nights at the cabin and another free night back home before we need to pick up the kids.
We come, we settle in, we have great sex and smoke our cannabis but don’t do the MDMA yet.
We wake up and have a light breakfast. We have great vacation sex. My wife finally gives her full consent to go with the MDMA. We plan on starting at noon (letting our stomachs digest the light breakfast first). We smoke a few joints during the morning (as is normal for us on any non working day).
Here’s the knowledge we had at the time regarding MDMA (didn’t even know it’s called rolling):
Not too much
You’ll want to smoke a lot
The comedown can be tough
Regarding dosage, here’s where it’s a little unclear… I don’t know how much we had. My guess is that one batch was 400-500 mg and the other batch was 300 mg. I base this on the fact that I don’t think we took too much at any given time (never had a “this is too much” feeling”). I prepared from the first batch 4 paper bombs (1 came out smaller than the others) and from the other batch another 3 paper bombs. So I guess we had 7 paper bombs at 80-120mg each. I used half of a small sized rolling paper for each bomb.
It’s about 12:30pm. I drop one bomb and I give my wife the smallest bomb.
We wait… Initially we wanted to avoid smoking before we felt the effects but I’m not sure whether we did or not...
We think we start feeling something
I suddenly have the urge to throw up. I run to the bathroom and puke a lot of water. It didn’t feel bad at all. My wife says, it’s a good sign. It means you’re coming up.
Bliss and Euphoria. A smile grows and grows and I almost feel my face splitting from the huge smile on my face. Everything is super fine. My wife is just as happy.
We’re cuddling in bed I think. At this point I start showing other “symptoms”. I’m grinding my teeth and breathing heavily - not with difficulty, just powerfully I guess. My wife tells me I should get gum.
We take a second bomb. Around this time my wife starts to get horny. Very horny. On our last trip to Amsterdam we picked up a toy for her. She goes from 0 to groaning very quickly. Lots of caressing and touching and prodding and she’s coming every few minutes.
I think this is where I peaked. Not really sure about the timing but this is where the real things started happening. I was overcome with a desire to share my innermost secrets with my wife.
I was overcome with a desire to share my innermost secrets with my wife.
As I touched upon earlier, I had my sexual baggage… I had always watched porn. My wife is aware and does not condemn it but it was always my thing. A few years ago (actually ever since my wife read 50 Shades of Grey), I started reading porn (literotica). It was a whole new world of eroticism that I discovered and often thought of sharing it with my wife but had fears she would find it repulsive… So, at this point I told her I wanted to share with her my “nasty” habit. And she was all for it. I started relaying good stories I read and she would come back with a super sexy “And what else?”. From here on out, for the rest of the roll, I was either reading her stories (funny how I could read with my eyes wobbling all the time) or just telling her stories from memory. She is pleasuring herself with the toy and I’m caressing her and telling the stories. At some point each of us dances. We put some music on Youtube and dance. At some point I start streaming porn to the big TV.
Evening starts and we decide it is cool enough to go out to the Jacuzzi. It’s amazing. We did lower the temperature so it wasn’t steamy. Very very fun. The can be submerged in the water. It is always with us and I have never seen my wife so sexual. Throughout the roll I wasn’t able to reach full erection (not uncommon for me since we had sex in the morning) but it’s not like I’m left out :) I am touching her and caressing her and prodding her in ways we never explored. All the time we are just basking in bliss and happiness and “oh my god I love you so much”.
Around this time we have a call from my mother. One of the kids is crying and she thought talking with us would help. I’m rolling very hard but manage to hold the conversation. It was odd talking to the kids in this state…
It was odd talking to the kids in this state…
I just wanted to end the call so I could return to our lovely isolated existence… I knew my mom could handle the kids and wasn’t very concerned.
It became dark. We go back in and drop our third bomb. At this point it is pretty clear that I’m rolling harder (teeth grinding and I’m pretty jumpy) so she gets the extra bomb for a 3rd redose (4th all in all).
Back out to the Jacuzzi. Fun fun fun fun fun.
I guess that at about this time my wife dropped the 4th bomb
We start feeling it ebbing away
It’s midnight and we’ve been rolling for the whole day. It’s been the most amazing time of my life. Throughout the roll we were mindful of drinking water but we haven’t eaten anything since the morning. For the first time we feel hunger. We warm ourselves some food and eat. Funny how much food we brought with us and eventually threw away…
My wife falls asleep after one last orgasm. I think that during this day she orgasmed several dozen times. Our previous record was 3.
I still feel too wound up to go to sleep.
I smoke a couple more joints.
It’s pretty late; something like 4am and I finally fall asleep.
T +1 day
The morning after we wake around 9am. We smile at each other and have wonderful sex. A last session in the jacuzzi and a few more joints and we’re ready to leave back home.
At noon we leave the place and start the 2 hour drive home. I’m feeling mentally exhausted. I remember saying I’m not really in a talkative mood and choose to put The Smiths on for the drive home. During the drive I sometimes tear up when an especially sad song comes on…
We reach home and spend the rest of the day smoking and watching tv. My wife has one last bout with the Satisfyer and had to stop (she was too sore at this point).
T +2 days
This is the when the bad times start… I thought that the comedown was what I had felt the day before. But today was much worse. It’s not that things were bad - nothing was good. There was nothing to feel good about. And on this day we really need to land back in real life… We pick up the kids from our parents at noon and spend the rest of the day letting them watch tv and we’re smoking outside.
T +3 days
On this day we were hosting my 40th birthday celebration for both our families. I am not in the best of moods… I pull thru but it was pretty much a disaster. I was nasty and cynical. I recall being very cruel to my kids, talking very cynically and just putting him down for no good reason. At one point my wife loses her temper and yells at me with everyone there to hear. Throughout the day I feel like a whiny bitch. I feel insulted very quickly and cry a lot. All the soaring heights of love and understanding we achieved only a couple of days ago seem so so far.
All the soaring heights of love and understanding we achieved only a couple of days ago seem so so far.
Do they even have a meaning at this point?
T +4 days
I go back to work. I am now aware that I’m still in the throes of the comedown and my state of mind is not normal. I suddenly have a new appreciation of how strong MDMA is. It dawns on me that my whole life of cannabis consumption was peanuts next to this. MDMA is a real HARD drug and it completely messed up my mind. I know it should pass but at this point I was wondering if I would ever be able to feel happiness again. I have suicidal thoughts which I never had before. This has got to be a known phenomenon, I think to myself. I google and quickly find there’s actually a term for this; Suicide Tuesday.
T +5 days
My first sense that I’m started to get back to myself. I hear a song on the radio and I enjoy it. For the first time in 3-4 days something makes me smile. I know now that I’m gonna get back to myself. I start reading on MDMA a lot. I realize how ignorant we were coming in to the experience. Our dosage was wrong, it was dangerous that I never actually knew how much we did take and we were completely unprepared for the comedown. My wife had a much easier comedown than me; at this point I also start to understand that her whole MDMA experienced was a little less than what I experienced due to her being on SSRI. I was the one pouring my heart out and she was an avid and empathic listener but she didn’t have that urge to share as strongly as I did.
Since a week passed, I felt more or less back to normal. But some things changed forever…
That mindset I was in, where it was clear to me that I’ll need to find sexual adventures on my own, was completely banished. When my ego was diminished during the roll it was so clear to me that just as I have sexual yearnings that I believed I could not find in our own relationship, so did my wife. And why should we hide these from each other; it’s only natural - we entered this relationship at a very early age and we both were feeling in recent years that our sex life is not all that it can be… But now I only want to explore with my wife. The experience shattered this false picture I held in my mind of my wife. I know now that there’s nothing I can’t bring up and discuss openly with her about my desires nor she with me. And after the down days passed I realized that my love for her was now greater than it was before. It went to infinity during our roll and after the comedown ended I find it at a higher level than it ever was before.
The other change is that I now appreciate how powerful MDMA is. The bliss and euphoria were expected. Maybe not the extreme levels it reached but I expected MDMA to be fun. I was surprised that I felt so clearheaded during the experience and was totally unprepared for how much it made me want to share and expose myself. That leaves a lasting impression that stays with me to this day (almost a month later). It shocks me thinking how cheaply so many people use it. A friend mentioned that E was his favorite drug until it started feeling fake. I cannot begin to consider taking this with someone other than my wife. Just for a party!?
I also yearn for more. I’ve now learnt that MDMA can have dangerous effects on the brain and will respect the once every 3 months quota. I also ordered test and purity kits as well as nutrient supplements; I’m intrigued to see how it will change the comedown.
MDMA will now always be a part of our life. Next time (my wife’s 40 bday) we’ll do it in a safer manner. I hope it will be just as enjoyable.
MDMA helped me love my wife more than ever, forever.
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