Citation: Ivan . "Healing From PTSD, Trauma, Rebirth: An Experience with LSD, Oxycodone & MDMA (exp112549)". Erowid.org. Nov 8, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112549
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Trip Report: 165ug LSD, 120mg MDMA and 30mg Oxycodone. Copied from wordpad I wrote and written to express things best as possible.
So on the 27th on Saturday, I decided to get back into LSD again after not using for 3 years as I've been experimenting with other things (Oxycodone, Heroin, Methamphetamine, Dextroamphetamine, MDMA, Benzedrex,Ketamine, 3-meo-pcp, etc).
I tried this to attempt to overcome PTSD from child abuse, family pointing guns at me at age 6, having nightmares of exactly this, but my own father doing it.
I was planning this for like a year
I was planning this for like a year
, I always thought of the idea of stopping bad trips before they happen by forcing my brain in a extremely euphoric heavenly state as LSD amplifies current mood, so I obtained all the things needed for this experiment. I wanted the purest drugs possible and I won't mention the source but I am sure purity is a minimum of 90% and is uncut. I acquired some 10x 165ug tabs and MDMA, Oxycodone from my mom who has cancer.
So woke up at 8am, took a shower, ate breakfast.
10:30am I Double dosed up on things to block neurotoxicity, NAC, Alpha lipoic acid, Selenium, Vit C, L-Theanine.
11am I took the 150ug acid, I then waited 2 hours for the peak before I introduced the other 2 so I could feel the headspace and insights "Shift over".
1:30pm I am peaking on LSD, chewed up a 30mg blue roxy that my mom gets for cancer, she just hands it out to me without me even asking to "Deal with the stress of losing her". Mom gets 60 30mg blues a month so there is enough for me and her. Drank some juice, 30 minutes later I feel like the light is pouring out of me, everything has this beautiful glow that I can't explain, the visuals were more shiny, I felt totally at peace with everything.
2:30pm used my trusty GEMINI-20 and weighed out a single chunk of 120mg of uncut, pure 4-MethylenedioxyMethamphetamine (MDMA) I swallowed it whole, 30 mins It kicked in and peaked in 1 hour, me and my mother who has Stage-4 cancer went to the park who I wanted to spend time with as she is dying but still fully functional for now.
I suggested that she drive because I was under the influence. We took my truck, first car I ever got and still have it, 1996 F-250 7.3 V8 diesel as I've always wanted a diesel, love the sound of the engine, the smell of the exhaust, as weird as it may sound.
at 3pm I was peaking on everything. MDMA, Oxycodone, LSD. All at the same time. Since I was going out I up dressed like a hippie because I felt that it would match my heavenly mental state, that it looks good. I wore a tie dye shirt, 2 inch diameter and 3/16 thick silver peace symbol pendant, polished to a bright mirror finish, a pair of "John lennon style sun glasses" and the tie dye headband. I have very long hair, I didn't care what others in public thought of me as I had no fears. Like taking a magic eraser to all the flaws of my mind. Mom thought I might get some flak from people in public and I said "It'll be alright" which is true. Normally I wouldn't dare dress like this sober in public. We went to the park, and to my friends house in in the middle of nowhere, so I could walk around in nature.
I brought 2 120mg of MDMA caps, 2 tabs and 5 Roxys in a small container in my pocket to give to my friend as I wanted him to experience what I was currently and Oxy to redose when my trip winds down. I told him in a soft tone "Everything is going to be... Ok." He's no stranger to drugs but never tried this combo. I suggested him take half a blue, half a tab and the 120mg MDMA cap. He never tried Opiates or LSD, only weed, booze, dexedrine, crystal meth. Mom sat at my friends place and relaxed.
I was in a state of the beautiful world of a trip, The Ecstasy and Oxycodone forced good vibes onto me regardless of the set and setting, It felt like my brain was breaking free out of handcuffs, fears, It set me free. I had these feelings of Warmth, Of release of inhibitions and apprehensions. I felt reborn, like I was on a blessed plane of existence in a world of paradise. I brought my phone and headphones and had a playlist of my favorite music the whole time.
The day was sunny and warm with a breeze. The sun was poking its way between the houses and lightly waving trees of the neighborhood where I lived. It was seemingly the most fantastic day since the creation of the universe. I had dropped acid several times in the past and had a lot of meaningful, spiritual trips before, but with Oxycodone and Ecstasy, it felt like one of those trips, but without the feeling or the grittiness that LSD trips carry. Everything was smooth. And perfectly OK. Beyond OK. I was a perfectly functioning, well-oiled part in the big machine of life. I thought about the entire world, the good, the bad, the highs, and the lows-all of it. I could easily accept every part of it without the slightest bit of a negative gist.
I thought about the entire world, the good, the bad, the highs, and the lows-all of it. I could easily accept every part of it without the slightest bit of a negative gist.
This was one special day.
I thought about the stresses of daily living, of running around trying to meet deadlines and the tension of ritualistic living as being a part of todayís humanity requires. I wondered how it would be if everybody in the world could experience what I was enjoying right now. There would definitely be no aggression or fighting. People would tend to be more empathetic and understanding of each other and would be more willing to help one another. It doesnít make sense why something such as LSD, Oxy, MDMA, Meth, which can bring so much joy, is regarded as a definite no-no. I guess big brother feels that we donít know how to take care of ourselves adequately, to limit what we do when it comes to ingesting Nature and Man-made gifts of pleasure inducers. I was happy just contemplating all of life.
At the park, there was a school, being age 21, I felt like I was 8 again and played with the younger kids and got on the swings. My childhood was destroyed due to abuse and trauma from my dad and bullying in school. I felt like I was in childhood mentally before my mind was shattered and scarred. The kids were playing, some running, others just lulling along with their books and backpacks. I thought about all of these kids and their lives and the twisted world in which they had to learn to function as they matured. I wished there was some type of way for them to grow up into a state of being not unlike one that I was living right now. Iím not wishing children to start using drugs but just to feel as I was. I felt so free and part of, but yet away from, all of these various aged children and assorted parents.
I could literally feel the kindness and delight coming from the younger children I was very empathetic when others were near. A group of older kids on bikes and skateboards were screwing around, darting in front of traffic, and carrying on. They were yelling various smart-ass things to me due to how I was dressed but I was light years away from the point where I would have to be in order to get upset at them. I was just smiling and joking around right back at him and the others. The buzz I had felt like more than a buzz. It felt like I was literally more ďaliveĒ than living. I felt as if I could do no wrong and my choice in word usage was the absolute paramount selection of what could be used in my communication. I encountered other adults and although I didnít feel intellectually advanced to anyone, I felt like I was in a superior place where any one of them could go if they wished.
It was more like a necessary time that existence itself needed for recharging.
We then went to my friends house, on the road with the super loud 7 liter diesel engine in my truck sounded pleasant. Cars whizzed by, some louder than others, and an occasional semi blared by with their super loud engines (Louder than my 7.3). I thought about the necessity of purpose of these trucks and I remained peaceful. In the state I was in, I was rationally able to see the fact that there needs to be negative factors in the world, no matter what the case may be, that the final result is always intended to be positive. I watched all the different people drive and I smiled, knowing that some of them are contently happy just going about their business, whatever that may be. I also thought about the ones in negative moods, and then I silently said a prayer, asking God to give each of them just a small part of what I was experiencing. As high as I was, a minuscule fraction would be sufficient to brighten even the most pessimistic personís day.
I hold my friends hand as we are gently pulled along. It feels as if I am gliding along on a cushion of air and the Oxy and Ecstasy keeps me from feeling the sorrow of daily life. Oxy, as a painkiller, is superior to any that I have taken. my friends black lab dog somehow darts back and forth, zigzagging as we were walking, smelling and inspecting every possible thing along the way. Humorously, I pictured myself doing the same thing.
All in all, our little trip in the woods about 45 minutes or so for whatever reason. I felt as if I had accomplished something fantastic. As if I had just made my first journey outside the womb and was discovering a new world. The same world that I knew, and a brand new world, both at the same time.
My mom came out of his front door and commented on the nice time we were having. I responded by agreeing with her, I had to be careful in what I said, as I felt that I could freely discuss whatever topic come to mind. I had experienced this ďfree formĒ mode of communication in the past, so I was experienced enough to not disclose anything damaging. But I still had the feeling that I could say anything my heart desired.
My mom started talking about about being hungry so I made her a bowl of cereal. At this time I was intently watching her when a euphoric, amazing sense of awe came over me. I was very deeply realizing that she created me and damn it, She said I was the best thing that has ever happened to her and the son she always wanted unlike the first son he had who is a fuck-up. I started crying and quickly walked away as I didnít want her to worry, as she does if it appears something is wrong with me. I had an incredible sense of pure gratitude as I sat in the living room contemplating what to do now. I realized that it had been a while since my last dose of Oxy. I redosed 30mg. And it was 10pm, I took off my shoes I lied down in the grass starring at the milky way my friend asked if I wanted to smoke weed with him which I said no thanks as I was already in a perfect mind state. He smoked some even after taking 3 of the things.
Sitting in the grass in the field where he lives, talking about everything. Meaning of life, why I am "me" and not someone else, why is my mind not in his body and vice versa, everything. Saying that he will never forget this moment.
Conclusion, Oxycodone, MDMA and LSD was a life changing experience how amazing it is to be alive and breathing, the gift of life, and that forcing good vibes is totally possible and works. The Opiate adds a peaceful feeling to the trip that is missing with just LSD or MDMA+LSD. I am seriously careful with Opiates, they're VERY fucking addictive. I prefer to save them for special days such when taking LSD or Ecstasy. I lectured my friend on how seriously addictive Opiates are and the shit can ruin your life if you let it. I will not sugar coat any of this. MDMA can be bad too if you abuse it and fry 90% of your Serotonin systems. Everything in moderation.
Stay safe and good vibes to everyone. Peace & Love to you all.
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