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20 Years of Daily Use
Alprazolam
by Pharmz
Citation:   Pharmz. "20 Years of Daily Use: An Experience with Alprazolam (exp112620)". Erowid.org. Nov 29, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112620

 
DOSE:
5-6 mg oral Pharms - Alprazolam (daily)
  16 mg   Pharms - Buprenorphine (daily)
  4 mg   Naloxone (daily)

BODY WEIGHT: 200 lb


I wanted to add this report because there is not much info about Long-Term benzo use. At this point I will never probably never be able to stop taking this drug. Iím 37 and I started at 19. This isnít a scary or bad tale itís just my reality. I donít abuse the drug and find it funny that this boring ass drug is considered cool and fun. I have had a history of opioid dependence and am on 16 mg of Suboxone a day. Iíve been free from addiction for 6 years.

I canít imagine life without Xanax. Itís not that I like it. I donít dislike it either. Itís like water. I donít notice I need it until Iím thirsty. I donít notice I need Xanax unless I forget to take it and am abruptly sent into a state of fear and literal shaking. That sounds scary. It is, but Xanax has ALSO allowed me to live free from debilitating panic attacks that would have resulted in suicide.

At age 7 I asked my parents for help b/c I thought I was going to die. I didnít know how to vocalize or explain the feelings of fear I would get. I still really donít. There is no reason for my anxiety. The minute I wake up I feel scared. Itís not depression. Itís fear. Maybe itís my PTSD. I donít even know what Iím afraid of. Itís just this FEELING OF EXTREME VULNERABILITY.

Nothing I have tried (Paxil, therapy, other classes of drugs) has helped. Nor, do any of the other benzodiazepines I have been encouraged to switch too. My family doc is fine with my long-term Xanax use as she has seen me progress on it. My suboxone doctor however, loathes it and wants me to switch to Valium or Clonazepam.

I understand this logically, but I swear to god none of the other benzodiazepines work the same on me. Clonazepam takes too long to kick in and it also sucks the life out of me. I feel groggy and grey. Valium just sleepy. On Xanax I feel none of those things.

Every morning I take 1 mg of generic alprazolam. I then take another around 1-2 pm.
Every morning I take 1 mg of generic alprazolam. I then take another around 1-2 pm.
Any longer and Iíll go into withdrawal. So I always I need to carry it with me. But thatís OK if I had an allergy I'd always have an EpiPen?

My next 1 mg dose around 7 or 8. I donít take any more until bed. Then at bedtime I take at minimum 2mg but sometimes up to 3mg.

Iíve been on the same dose since the summer of 2012 and I have never had any interactions with it. It simply allows me to live. I am not addicted to Xanax. I am chemically dependent on it. Just like a diabetic needs help regulating their blood sugar, I need help to regulate the levels of my gaba a receptor.

I just enrolled in University and am getting an average of 86.3%.

However, I must admit itís a sacrifice. I can never go out w/o my pulls. I tremble and shake every 6 hours and I will be on this forever.

BUT the alternative is death. I sincerely mean that. I know for a fact I would have committed suicide. No human should have to live w/ the level of anxiety I had.

Exp Year: 2018ExpID: 112620
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 37 
Published: Nov 29, 2018Views: 2,734
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Pharms - Alprazolam (98) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Medical Use (47), Not Applicable (38)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
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