Citation: theAngryLittleBunny. "Really Difficult to Describe: An Experience with PCE (exp112776)". Erowid.org. Jan 19, 2019. erowid.org/exp/112776
It's very similar to PCP. I usually synthesize my drugs myself, can't get the precoursers for PCP, but I can easily get them for PCE, so I thought "close enough" and went with that.
So to start off, I've tried many different drugs, including Mephedrone, Methamphetamine, Barbiturates, Alcohol, also t-amyl alcohol, and obviously PCE, and as the title suggests, the PCE experiences are by far the most difficult experiences to convay. I think trying to explain to someone how PCE feels like is like trying to explaining to a colour blind person what colours look like. You can kinda give suggestive hints like red looks "warm" or blue looks "cold", but you could never get the person to really understand and relate to the experience. So yeah, you'll maybe kinda understand a little more what this drug, and generally dissociative drugs like PCP do, but the actual effects will still be outside of your imagination unless you try the drug yourself.
Okay, first of all, PCE is a dissociative, which means it disconnects your mind from your body. When I first took the drug I couldn't really describe very of much how it felt like to others, I literally just followed my mom the whole time telling her over and over again that I just can't describe how it feels. One interesting thing about the drug is that it also made me feel like body a bit less, I read from others who smoked a lot of PCP that they couldn't tell anymore if they were sitting or standing. For me it never got to that extreme, but I definitely felt this effect quite a bit, often it didn't make a difference if I was running on muddy grass or concrete, I didn't feel it. I also didn't feel that I was running, I was hearing my fast steps and so the environment moving past me faster, but I didn't feel like I was running. Even tho I could still tell the difference, to some extent sitting or standing didn't feel that different.
But the drug doesn't just effect my body feeling, at the beginning of my using it also really robbed me of my sense of perceiving time. I couldn't really tell anymore what was a minute or hour. I would listen to a song, and in the middle of it it would feel like I've already listened to this song for an eternity, and it will still continue on for another eternity. The song itself also got completely torn apart, instead of hearing all the pieces of the song connected and recognizing the pattern the song had, every part of the song just felt like something completely different. Interestingly, it didn't make music unenjoyable to listen to, it just made it really interesting.
The drug also kinda impaired my perception of space, if you think about it, whether you're inside your home, someone elses house, outside, in a city or countryside it always makes you feel differently depending on in which of these environments you are. Well you guess what? PCE also takes that completely away, whether I was in my warm home, or in the cold and windy outside environment, it didn't really make me feel any different
whether I was in my warm home, or in the cold and windy outside environment, it didn't really make me feel any different
. It almost felt like I didn't move in space at all, and everything just moved around me. Like when I was walking it felt like I wasn't moving through the environment, but rather the whole earth just rotated beneath me while I didn't change position at all. One really difficult thing to describe is how different places were related to each other. For instance I would talk to my mom in the living room and then walk up into my bedroom, and it felt like the living room with my mom just rushed away and now was miles away.
I have to say at the beginning it was a really "cold" and rushy feeling the drug gave me, it felt a bit like as if I was in another world, when I would walk in public it felt like everyone else around me wasn't real, it actually made me feel really lonely. I looked forward to meeting a friend of mine to relieve this lonely feeling, but that didn't help. Even when I was talking with my friend, I felt completely disconnected from the conversation, in fact I could barely hold a conversation.
This drug just isn't as straightforward as other drugs are, the effects varied a lot each time a took it
effects varied a lot each time a took it
, especially over the few weeks where I used it a lot the effects changed a lot. A very weird thing is that sometimes I felt the effect of the PCE really strongly and thought I was super weird, but no one else seemed to notice anything, but other times I took it I felt almost no effects and other people who saw me were like "OMG, what the fuck is going on with you?". Often the drug didn't really change how I felt, but rather it made me believe that everyone else around me was different. Often it felt like everything around me was like a theatre show geared towards me, maybe also as if people around me could read my mind. One time when I was on the drug I was hungry and thought "hmm, ordering pizza would be really nice now", and then my mom talked to me requesting that we could order pizza, and I was just super shocked about how she could know that. The drug generally induced super paranoid thought patterns in me where I normally would think "this is completely ridicolous", but during the intoxication it seemed completely legit that super weird and very unlikely scenarios could be real.
But even tho PCE sometimes creates this really strong and uncomfortable paranoia, I still like it very much because of its other effects. Generally, it just lets me escape from my body, mind and habits I have, I would do things I normally would never do when I was on this drug, no other drug, neither Meth, Barbiturates, Alcohol or whatever could do that to me. And this is a very good thing for me, because there are many thing I would love to try, but I couldn't because I was locked into this pattern of habits and what I percieved as "myself" that didn't allow me to do these things. Now, even when I'm not high on this drug this effect is still there, I can now do new and exciting things that my mind didn't allow me to do before I used this drug, so in a sense it was very healing and therapeutical for me. Very often when I was high I would use word and phases when talking or writing that I normally absolutely refused to use. However, I really don't suggest to anyone to just get high on PCP-like drugs, these are very powerful drugs and I'm sure they could do a lot of damage if it goes badly, not to mention PCP-like drugs, at least from my experience PCE has a quite considerable addiction potential, it often just feels like an escape from everyday life for me.
And I did overuse it
, the effects it has on me are very different and much less dissociative now, it actually feels a bit like an opioid now quite often, which makes sense because it does to an extent stimulate the opioid system. On top of that, it also has subtle empathogenic effects, I guess that's because it also has noradrenaline and serotonin activity. One time during the night I was just curling up in my bed listening to a love song on my head phones and just feeling really good.
Anyway, that's my best attempt to put the effects of this drug into words, often I think our language just lacks the words to describe these effects. I hope this report wasn't too confusing, and if it was, just think about that this drug is just very confusing.
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