DOSE:

8 g

oral

Morning Glory

(ground / crushed)

BODY WEIGHT:

220 lb

The experience was simple in its essence, so a long-winded report, I feel, isn’t necessary.

Almost all the McKenna recommended preparations were adhered to: alone, well rested, empty stomach, equilibrium of mind, cannabis at the ready. My bedroom is dark because I have a theater system setup, but in the interest of experimentation, I had a two-video playlist of guided meditation with Alan Watts ready to play through my Tzumi Soundmates. So I downed the seeds, well powdered with an herb grinder, and for the first hour, I jotted whatever popped into my head into a leather-bound journal I got specifically for these journeys. There were some interesting but typical notions that sprung forward, “a sculpture is a naked thought”, “AB=BA”, trivial commonalities.

Around 2 hours and 20 minutes, the alkaloids, I think, were beginning to peak, because I felt too jittery to continue scribbling, and something within told me “Lay down, get comfortable.” So I flopped back onto a heap of blankets and pillows, and pressed play on the Watts playlist. Watts’ all-too-familiar and comforting voice resonated throughout my body as I was guided on the process of listening, then deep breathing, into the state of total relaxation. There’s a musical track behind the recording of Watts’ voice, a harmonic chord of a church organ and multi-phonic chanting, and my breath synchronized with the voices and became noticeably heavier until it was as though I was at the bottom of the ocean, and air itself was unimaginably weighted, such that I couldn’t pull in another breath any more that I could push aside the mountains that surround my house.

Confronted with this, I simply surrendered, and quit trying to breathe. As I went into this state of breath suspension, around 30-40 seconds, from the center of my Being outward, everything began to dissolve into Vibration. “I” became acutely aware of this when my arms and legs dissolved into Vibration, and immediately after that, the rest of my body and the “outside” environment of my bedroom also dissolved into the Omnipresent buzz. Once “my” body and the “world” was gone, there was the immediate and simultaneous offset of Time and Space and the onset of Peace and Joy. This was an ecstatic surprise, because until that moment, I had been under the impression that I was chronically depressed for 15 years or so.

And so, when I had spontaneously abandoned all intentionality at this critical yet relaxed understanding that I would never again draw breath, and let go of “my life” altogether, it was the complete fulfillment of... It’s Self, I suppose. I saw that I didn’t need fame and fortune, friends or family, or even a body and shelter. All these things, in that moment, were simultaneously, thankfully, and lovingly let go of. Then there was this sort of turning around point, and I still had some presence of mind, where I knew that, from years spent immersed in philosophy, religion, and metaphysics, generally, that this had all the symptoms of a religious or mystical experience, and so I knew that at some point, the “I” or sense of existence would itself dissolve and I anticipated the panic response of “dying” which had not yet reared its ugly head. About that point, there was like an echo of meaning, laced with a sense of alien humor, that seemed to emanate from this Omega point that I was approaching, that - not in words obviously - but if I were to translate the feeling of it into words as much as I think is possible, it was a gesture of “Not yet, that would be revealing too much!” As though, I was on the verge or finding out something that couldn’t be unlearned, but in a humorous sense, like that if I had crossed that threshold, the whole Show would be given away, if you catch my drift. ;)

These seeds, like everything else, have their place, and certainly have, I think, the potential for utility in innumerable avenues of human life. Having said that, it should be coupled with the proportionate levels of competence and discipline to navigate into these spaces, that one is expected to have in order to be trusted to drive a car or anything else. In other words, you get out of it what you bring into it!

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 112809
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Feb 4, 2020	Views: 1,180
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Breathing (470), Morning Glory (38) : Personal Preparation (45), Depression (15), Mystical Experiences (9), Combinations (3), General (1), Alone (16)