DOSE:

oral

LSD

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

In high school I only dabbled lightly in drugs. A couple relatively moderate mushroom experiences, and one roll on ecstasy. Mainly I stuck to drinking beer and smoking pot. This all changed when I went away to school for the first time. Let me describe myself at the time I was going to college. I was fairly sociable while under the influence of alcohol, but otherwise reserved and timid. I was painfully shy at times, partially because of a childhood of rejection. I was often made to feel like an outcast because I was different, I was in the 'gifted' class at school and basically a nerd. Before I got to high school I had experimented briefly with marijuana and alcohol, as well as one experience with methamphetamine. During my high school days I stuck to drinking mainly, and didn't truly become a pothead until I became best friends with another guy, who we'll call C.B.

So I went away to college and developed a pretty good network of friends and drinking buddies. I did mushrooms a couple more times, and became a pretty big e-head over the course of my first semester. I got to the point where I would roll every one to two weeks, but then get the 'terrible tuesdays.' During this time I became more socially outward, but inside I felt hollow, like I was missing something. Partially it could be that I was in Boston while my girlfriend was still on Long Island, but it was more than that. I felt that somehow there had to be something different... the feeling is very hard to describe in words but I think many people know what I mean.

One night the mushrooms we were waiting for came through late, and expensive. I wasn't about to pay $45 for an eighth, even if they were the goods. The girl offered me a hit of acid for $5 and I agreed with some trepidation. I had heard a lot of bad stuff about acid, but I figured I'd keep it around and think about it.

After much research on the web, in the library of my college, and through online psychological journal databases (I am a psychology major working toward a degree in clinical psychology and psychoanalytic training) I decided to drop the small, white piece of paper on my way to a party with my roommate. Suffice to say, the trip changed my life.

I don't remember everything that happened, but the peak experience was something so remarkable I have yet to experience it since (and I have become something of a psychedelic devotee in the meantime). I asked my roommate to bring me home when I started feeling very strange at the party. I looked at his face and realized I could see through his pores down to the cellular level. Outside in the streets of Beacon Hill, Boston I was pelted by rain that was confusing as I tried to count each individual drop as it hit my skin and melted into me. I became liquid seconds before my mind erupted from my body, floating far above me. I was lost in some black place that was all energy and buzzing, in my mind's eye I could manipulate my visual field kind of like the smear effect on Adobe Photoshop.

At first I was frightened, but as my roommate led my blind body up the hill he later told me I said, 'I was scared, but I see it now. I see it! This is amazing!' I remember becoming conscious of the wave like pattern of reality, feeling the 'rolling of the world' in orbit around our sun. I became a snake, an animal I had previously had a phobia-like fear of (stemming from an incident with a snake getting into our house when I was a toddler in Texas, I now believe).

The trip was intense and amazing, I finally made it back to my dorm and met up with some experienced trippers who as luck would have it were also tripping on acid. The effects lasted about 16 hours from only one small tab, I suspect now that it was 'home made' because it had no graphics or logo of any sort. I don't know how much was on it, but I've taken substantial quantities of LSD since and not matched the intensity of the peak dissolution experience.

Afterwards I had a couple very dramatically visual trips, but then I found them settling into a more mental, contemplative, serene setting. The extreme release of tensions characterized by hysterical laughter and visualization effects was no longer present, instead I felt... well, good. Like I had found that warm center I knew was missing.

Since that time I have embarked on a spiritual journey that has led me to philosophy, spirituality, to understand and embrace my own Christian faith, further psychedelic experimentation, meditation, and a profound sense of doing something vitally important that I had previously not had. I became interested in the transpersonal/depth psychology of Jung, Rank, Maslowe, and Grof. Now I am on the path to becoming a certified psychoanalyst, and I attribute many of these changes to this life altering event.

My personality has become more serene. I used to be a more tense person, very pained and troubled. I can look back now at the me from high school and see him as almost a different person, certainly a previous chapter in the book of my life.

For a time following this transformative event I became overly enthusiastic about the drug and took it a LOT. Since I have calmed my usage of LSD and all other drugs down to a respectable amount. My life has settled into a domestic routine that brings me stability and happiness, though is somewhat unusual for a formerly wild, rowdy college guy. But, I like my life, and I like the glimpse of the divine that LSD granted me. It was not a miracle cure for my problems, but it was the catalyst to a process of self transformation that continues today. Thanks, Dr. Hoffman.

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 11285
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 17, 2004	Views: 13,186
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
LSD (2) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)