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Am I Dead?
by Asterix
Citation:   Asterix. "Am I Dead?: An Experience with Methoxphenidine (exp112853)". Feb 22, 2019.

  repeated oral Methoxphenidine (powder / crystals)
  2 tablets oral Pharms - Diazepam  


[Erowid Note: The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]

I liked to think of myself as experienced with hallucinogens. Prior to trying MXP I had been on a rollercoaster of experience with bk-2cb, LSD, 4-HO-MET, allyescaline, aMT, AL-LAD, LSZ and 5-meo-DALT. I had taken ketamine in small doses, along with MXE. This drug took me on the wildest ride of my life.

I would also like to mention that I am an addict. I have abused most if not all the drugs I have tried in the past and I really don't go lightly, hence the enormous overdose that was taken here. I would not recommend this dose to anyone. Frankly, I am lucky to be alive. I am going to focus on one experience (although I had many with MXP, which I will cover briefly) which still remains with me.

I ordered a gram of MXP when it was still legal to do so. Unfortunately I did not have any scales, so I emptied the bag of crystals out in front of me and divided them up into 10 equal piles. I orally ingested the first pile (estimated to be 100mg) and poured the rest back into the bag.

After around 30 minutes I started to feel the first effects looming, I felt very euphoric, drunk and hazy, but with this came a total loss of my inhibitions.
I felt very euphoric, drunk and hazy, but with this came a total loss of my inhibitions.
Where I was usually somewhat careful with regards to eyeballing dosages, I gave up entirely. This is when I thought it would be a fantastic idea to shovel a load of the crystals into my mouth directly from the bag because I was enjoying the feeling so much - it could only get stronger, right?

I ate around 400mg more of the MXP (half the bag was empty the next day) The shards sparkled as they travelled down the silver bag into my mouth. Over the next 30 minutes things got heavy. My limbs became extremely difficult to move. I remember staring at the TV which was shrinking in size. My room felt 5x larger than it actually was. Everything had a dark hue to it. I started to panic in my mind, thinking I was going insane. That's when I blacked out.

I woke up. I could visually see in front of me, but I could no longer feel any of my body. I was no longer in my room, but a collection of static images were ahead of me. The images would shift continually - consisting of a multitude of grainy, static colours. I could hear a very loud audible buzzing coming from all around me. I could still think. And I was stuck in what seemed to be a never ending loop. I was trying to convince myself that I hadn't died. I'd find a way out of this box I'd found myself in, that my body would start working again if I kept trying to move it. After what genuinely felt as though many years had passed I started to accept my fate. I accepted that this was death, that my life in the previous world was over and that this was it forever more - slowly, I became content with my surroundings and my presence in whatever world I had found myself in.

Suddenly, I was jolted from the static images and I felt as though my body were reconnecting. My vision started to pull upwards - I could see the ceiling in my room again and then I became one with my physical body again.

I woke up on the floor, having previously been sat on my sofa. I kept muttering "what the fuck.... what the fuck... what the fuck..." over and over again. I reached for my phone, my hands looked wrong, I had no idea how to work the phone. I was shaken to the core. I reached into my pocket and took the pills in my pocket, a couple of Valiums, and headed to my bed. I passed out and woke up the next morning and my sense of scale was still off. Everything either looked too big/small and my head was in a very bad space.

This is quite a peculiar compound. I found myself compulsively redosing the rest of what I had left over the next few days
I found myself compulsively redosing the rest of what I had left over the next few days
despite never particularly enjoying the experiences I had with it. Another experience with MXP mixed with 4-HO-MET yielded total psychosis. I was convinced that my feet did not belong where they did and was determined to cut them off. Luckily I was completely incapacitated by the drug - I could not physically move to grab a knife. If one had of been sitting nearby I would without a shadow of a doubt have no feet today. My mother would sometimes walk in on me mid-trip on MXP and apparently I would be rolling around moaning, groaning and screaming. She said she thought I had become possessed or finally completely lost my mind due to the heavy drug abuse of mine at the time.

5 years later this trip is still very vivid and clear in my memory. I still question whether I died that night. Death perhaps is not as terrifying as I once thought. Respect this compound. It won't respect you if you don't.

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 112853
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 21 
Published: Feb 22, 2019Views: 1,445
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Methoxphenidine (629) : Alone (16), General (1)

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