Citation: philo1111. "The Relationship Seems to Grow With Age: An Experience with Huasca Combo (Syrian Rue & Acacia confusa) (exp112864)". Erowid.org. Feb 16, 2019. erowid.org/exp/112864
Merging With the Spirit of Acacia Confusa
It's not so much about ego death these days, but ego versatility and strength.
I'm no stranger to the entity which lives within the Acacia Confusa tree. Having been consuming it for several years now, it's become a slowly growing relationship. I'm not talking about blasting into tryptamine space and being awestruck. That was once a part of my life. These days it's sipping a brew and the gradual merging of 2 souls with the eventual separation (violently or gently).
Setting -a quiet desert lake on a native american reservation. 6g syrian rue tea, 10g acacia confusa tea. No cell signal. Sleeping bag, tarp, camp fire. Sunset.
I brew the teas separately and transport in glass jars. 6g rue is more than a regular dose, but I was feeling compelled to go further in. I took half of the rue to begin and prime myself for the experience. The sun was setting and I started my camp fire. I felt the overwhelming influence of all the elemental forces. I blew on the tinder to get it burning, listened to the water sizzle out of my wet firewood. Very symbolic in many ways.
As the sun went down I sat, breathed and contemplated. Rue gets me in a very deep and euphoric state but also makes my mind subject to racing. As I played with the fire I thought about it as an element in relation to my life - as a metaphor for many things. I'm too firey and need balance.
2 hours in, I downed the 2nd half of the rue (with prayer, meditation and intent of course) and the full dose of acacia. I asked to be able to listen to my heart and for strength to move on with the next step in my life. I should also note that in past sessions, I've been digging down into some deep childhood patterning / imprinting issues from "trauma" and other upbring related stuff. It causes me digestive problems. The acacia identified alot of it in previous sessions, but I wasn't ready to purge it out. These days, purging is a conscious choice.
These days, purging is a conscious choice.
So I snuggle up in my mummy sleeping bag because the onset always sends me into violent shivers. That and it was near freezing that night.
Cue violent onset shivering. The acacia is doing its work and soaking down into my lower guts. I stare at the stars. This is when I realize that 6g rue is definitely very disorienting. I watched as stars started moving and pulsing. A star would zoom in then back out into the sky. What's the meaning? I realized, maybe, that the distance was all an illusion. I was experiencing a play on the inherent separation in reality.
Here's where it starts getting trickier. The acacia spirit is a jester-like trickster (in my perception). It's not the grandmother of Chacruna. It's also a friendly teacher though, with emphasis on cosmic jokery. The lesson began. Light, reflection and shadow within my psyche. It was reducing down some hyperdimensional concepts/constructs into my dense 3/4d form. How my ego projects things and is blind to others. I would have a thought and highlight where my ego was summoning this from, deep within. A cosmic chiropractic adjustment of egoic behavior. It's not so much about ego death these days. That happened plenty of times, and now I'm both the weaver of the tapestry that I'm being woven into.
Anyhow, this game went on for awhile. In the past, the acacia appeared to completely take over and show me the lessons. Now it speaks to me more like an adult. I'm given the power to study and examine for myself, with its trickster presence in the background. It was a symbolic transfer of power for me. But also a projection of my own of course.
Last interesting visual to note from this session - I became acutely aware of being this shiny interdimensional space suit being. An almost cartoon-like holographic astronaut. Yet I was suited up in this human flesh suit. Astronaut themed visuals have always been a part of my journey
Astronaut themed visuals have always been a part of my journey
, but this sort of validated the "incarnate star being on planet earth experience" for me. Hallucination? Sure. It was more real than real though.
At last I was ready to purge. The acacia and rue had worked together to round up all this vibrational patterning in my cells. I kept asking "what am I purging exactly? What is it?" This is why I didn't purge in previous sessions. Intellectual curiousity obstrucing this very sacred process. I got the response - "don't worry about what it is until afterwards". The trickster spirit was dancing all around inside of me at this point. That clown-like androgynous tree trickster began making me uncomfortable with its havoc. It was time to part ways and puke it out.
Satisfied with this answer, I sat up and projectile puked into the smouldering fire embers. Such a dramatic way to puke, and so satisfying. Watching it steam into the sky was so symbolic and important to me.
I then lie down with racing mind for a few hours and fell asleep.
Integration, curiousity, relationship and functional intention with this substance is so necessary. I've wasted so many good trip experiences by dicking around afterwards. Back on facebook, cosmic jokery abound, life's million distractions.
The relationship with acacia seems to grow with age. We've settled on 1 ceremony per season now, and eventually once per year. And then?... To be determined.
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