Citation: Miss Gonzo. "Lost My Mind on Grass: An Experience with Phalaris arundinacea (extract) (exp112867)". Erowid.org. Apr 3, 2019. erowid.org/exp/112867
Throughout the fall I had experimented back and forth with Phalaris, first consuming it in a poorly made green tea changa, then snorting both the freebase and acetate salts. Neither one is recommended, but the latter is particularly not recommended. This time I decided to perform a typical straight-to-base extraction with sodium carbonate, water, isopropanol, and methylene chloride, and then isolate with naphtha. The difference this time, however, would be that I’d soak the extract into a sheet of paper. I did this by dissolving the alkaloid in vinegar and allowing a 3x3 sheet of paper to absorb the alkaloid.
The sheet was allowed to soak for what was around 5 hours, then dried under a heat lamp. Once it had dried to a crisp, rather hard square, the paper was folded up into a square and placed into my makeshift soda can pipe. Covering the carb, I let the flame of my lighter torch the paper, slowly and shallowly breathing in. Pulling the flame away, I inhaled for a couple of seconds, and then released the carb and inhaled until the paper ceased to glow. Once inhaled, I held the smoke in my lungs to the count of ten, and then released.
After five hits, I felt a powerful tingling sensation in my limbs. It felt triangular, tingling its way through my arm until it came to a point in between my middle and ring fingers. My heart gradually began to beat faster, sending ripples through my body. A couple minutes after finishing the hits, a vibration came on, and grew, centering itself on my “third eye”.
Visually, very little was happening. A blue “wave” of energy pulsated through my field of view. This was the most obvious visual phenomenon. Additionally, when I was exposed to light, basic shapes made of light hung around arranged in a linear pattern. The final thing of note were circular shapes bulging out of the darkness, looking very much like the craters of a lotus flower.
As I laid in bed, a booming voice began to spout unintelligible words and phrases. Eventually, a jolt of shock rung through my head, and the booming voice began to yell, “Look at what you’ve done! You’ve gone fucking mad!”. The voice began to harass me, calling me “faggot”, and lamenting upon how I’d gone “insane”. This got to be so unbearable I stuffed my head into my pillow and cried.
Three minutes later, this booming voice almost entirely disappeared, and was replaced by another voice. A male-sounding voice, with a calm and collected demeanor, said to me, “It’s okay. It’s over.” I identified this voice as an entity I’d encountered in previous trips, who I dubbed “The God Entity”. The God Entity, who I’d interacted with under the influence of psilocybin mushrooms, is an odd entity. They make frequent prophetic references, which almost always seem to come true. Rather this is a coincidence or not I shall never know.
The God Entity and I began a conversation. About the trip I had just been on, about the meaning of “the medicine”, and the events happening in my life until that point. They seemed very wise about the matters. The God Entity advised me “not to fool around” with the medicine, that it was a powerful tool. After a few minutes of conversation, the effects of the smoke slowly began to wear off. After the powerful bodily and mental effects wore off, I grabbed the pipe and decided to take a couple more hits to “top off” the trip.
These hits were a little less like breathing in pure fire, but still hardly bearable. After finishing them, I laid down in my bed. The God Entity returned, and we conversed. During this second conversation, I reached a point where I failed to respond. I began to space out. The God Entity began to say, “OP? OP? Are you there?”. Finally, as my eyes rolled back into my head, The God Entity murmured, “Oh shit, she’s breaking through…”
This period of time is probably, with little doubt, the most confusing singular moment in my life. I began to convulse. Convulse bad. My leg violently shook, and twitches flew through all parts of my body. It hurt quite a bit. After a few minutes, the convulsions ended, and then…
…blank. Nothing. Who am I? What am I? I’m somewhere. I’m something. But what? I struggled to remember my name. It may have taken me an entire minute to remember my first name.
It may have taken me an entire minute to remember my first name.
“I’m… I’m… a… human being. Homo sapien sapien.” Okay, great. I’m a human being. But humans have names. What is mine? At the back of my head, I could hear my name being said.
Simply put, this experience is difficult to put into words. The best way to explain it is my humanity disappeared. Not in the moral sense, but in the literal sense. The person that I was, for a moment, was erased from existence. I became… nothing individual. I’m not entirely sure what it was that I became, but it almost seemed that I became the universe.
Whether it was a rebirth, or a vacation from consciousness and mortality, I’ll never know for sure. If I could have erased from my mind the panic associated with the loss of self, then maybe it would have been an incredible experience. Not that it wasn’t, but it would have been that in a different way. I would have likely experienced the omnipotence and one-ness that The God Entity probably experiences.
This was far more than an ego death. An ego death is simply the disappearance of egotistical thoughts, emotions, that such. This was a death, and subsequent rebirth, of the spirit. Everything that makes me who I am was taken for a quick ride and returned.
Regardless, I’m back. Over the past couple days, I’ve meditated upon this experience, and what it meant. I’m still not entirely sure. The God Entity repeatedly told me, “This is the path you’ve chosen. The Tryptamine Road is yours to pave. You are one of the same kinds as McKenna, Huxley, and thousands of others around the world. You’re a ‘psychonaut’, an explorer of this experience. Follow the road.”
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