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Something Telling Me That I Can't Forget the Trip
Cannabis - High CBD (Tincture)
by RB
Citation:   RB. "Something Telling Me That I Can't Forget the Trip: An Experience with Cannabis - High CBD (Tincture) (exp112993)". Mar 19, 2019.

33 mg sublingual Cannabidiol (tincture)
    repeated sublingual Cannabis - High CBD (tincture)
    repeated oral Cannabis - High CBD (tincture)
  400 mg sublingual Cannabidiol (tincture)
  4-8 repeated oral Cannabis - High CBD (tincture)


(I know there is supposed to be very little THC in CBD oil. And I also know that THC-induced trips are rare. But this happened to me, despite what science may suggest.)

Just to get an idea of who I am: I have smoked marijuana twice in my life and pleasantly zoned in and out, I've used stims (ephedra/caffeine, Nuvigil) maybe thirty times in my life, and have used opioids (Tramadol, Oxycodone) maybe fifteen times in my life. I never used any of the above for longer than a day at a time, and never took any unsafe dosages.

I bought a 30ml bottle of 1000mg Full Spectrum CBD Tincture. My first dose was one milliliter under my tongue on an empty stomach. Within a half hour, I felt a stimulant effect and was talking to myself (which is normal for me when stimulated) and became sexually aroused. It wore off within about an hour, hour-and-a-half.
It wore off within about an hour, hour-and-a-half.
The next time I took it nothing happened. After that I started experimenting taking it trying different combinations of sublingually/ingesting and empty/full stomach, working my way up 2ml to 4ml. I felt nothing.

Finally one night I decided to take a mega dose. I hadn't eaten in at least three hours. I took at least 12ml sublingually and took a swig of it also (maybe accounting for another 4 to 8ml). I felt nothing for about a half hour and then I started having some thought distortions. Thoughts would hit me and take my attention, as if I was zoning out from reality and starting to dream. They were coming slowly, every thirty seconds or so - mostly memories or quasi-memories from childhood. I have some issues, and I do purposely try to use self-therapy by remembering childhood trauma, but this was totally different. I was not actively thinking or remembering these. Instead they were flowing to me. I put the dog in his cage, made sure my 14 year-old daughter was ok, said goodnight, and went down in my basement.

I sat in the easy-chair with my eyes closed and just let the thoughts and feelings come. And come they did...The thoughts soon overcame me. They rolled over me as if I was going in and out of the real world. The best way I can describe it really is as a wave. I felt as if I was standing in the ocean with the waves moving me up and down. The memories/thoughts/images were flying through my head, and they were all negative. They all revolved around childhood trauma, and they were 10x worse than anything I had ever remembered. And there was a ton of mental noise. The sound bordered on being an auditory hallucination, but it was more inside my head than in my ears. It was like hundreds of sound bites to go along with the rapid-fire imagery and horrible feelings. I'm not sure if they reached a definitive crescendo or if I consciously decided I could no longer take it. All I know is that I opened my eyes, and although the images/sounds stopped, I felt like I was not yet free.

I felt like I was stuck in a false world. I can't describe the feeling, beyond that it has to be what a bad-trip is like. I have never used acid, and had never tripped. But I had the unbearable feeling that I was in a bad place and had to get out. But I knew that the bad place wasn't real and was a result of the drug. So I started to become ultra-paranoid that I had ruined my life. I feared that I may've short-circuited something in my brain and that I would be trapped forever. I cursed myself for being so dumb, for being so wrapped up in negativity that I foolishly went and ruined my life for real. I promised myself and God that if I ever got out, I would learn. I swore I would never be so wrapped up in my issues as to let them make me forget how much I have to be thankful for.

When there was the occasional thought that maybe I wouldn't be trapped in the trip forever, it was replaced by the fear that I was going to do something terrible. I have never had impulse-control issues, and I don't think I really had them that night, but I became afraid that I might develop them then and there. Then I became afraid that the fear itself was going to cause me to freak out and do something bad or crazy. It was a vicious cycle of negative-thinking that made me more and more desperate.

All along I felt like I kept zoning in and out, as if I kept falling asleep and then waking up. It felt like I was in a sort of semi-real world. I could see everything, but it seemed like I couldn't focus on anything. It wasn't as if they were out of focus. It was more as if I just didn't have the concentration or energy to actually look at anything. And the sides of my field of vision seemed to be all black. I had to go back upstairs and walk the dog up another flight of stairs to put him to bed, and I struggled. I struggled physically, but more so I struggled mentally. It was a challenge to concentrate long enough to do this simple task. I just wanted to go back downstairs and sit.

I called my mother, and she started helping me through it, empathizing with me about my childhood and giving me hope that I wasn't stuck. As I talked to her, while sitting on the couch, I realized I was rocking front and back and that my right foot was tapping on its own. We kept talking and after awhile the zoning out happened less and less, and the fear started to subside. About two hours after the trip had begun, I was confident that I would recover and went to bed. I remember doing that, but my mother said I didn't explain that and didn't say goodbye. That is not like me, so it shows me I still was having concentration problems.

On the bright side, during the trip, part of me knew that I was discovering something. Part of me felt that if I ever got out of this trip, that I was going to be a lot better of for it.
Part of me felt that if I ever got out of this trip, that I was going to be a lot better of for it.
Much of my trauma-baggage has to do with fear and feelings of inadequacy, and the fear of being trapped forever was like facing my hugest fear. And I felt a sort of empathy for people that I'd never felt before. I felt I was finally realizing that other people had their own issues, that people don't exist in relation to me - stuff that a 48 year-old should have learned long ago.

As hard as it was to focus and concentrate, I did scribble a page of notes, telling me not to forget what I'm learning. I knew that if I escaped the trip, I would probably forget everything I was learning and go back to my negative ways of thinking. So I wrote down things I had to remember. It was as if I was seeing the trip and regular life as two different realities and that God or the universe or something was telling me that I can't forget the trip - that the secret was to escape it but always leave one foot (or one toe) in it so that I won't lose the new sense of empathy I've found.

The next day I read the notes and felt the feelings, and this went on for a few days but then I lost the ability to connect. I still remember the trip well, but I can't relate to it like I could when I was in it, like I was hoping I would.

Exp Year: 2018ExpID: 112993
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 48 
Published: Mar 19, 2019Views: 11,381
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Cannabidiol (596), Cannabis - High CBD (597) : First Times (2), Retrospective / Summary (11), Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)

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