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Why Does This Experience Exist?
Citation:   scattereddreams. "Why Does This Experience Exist?: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT (exp113010)". Mar 22, 2019.

  oral 4-AcO-DMT
[Erowid Note: The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
[Reported Dose: "80mg approx or more"]

My memories of the trip are hazy. I remember before I took the dose clearly and I remember clearly from about 3 hours in to the trip when I was coming down. The 3 hours when I was tripping hardest are very hazy and I only have fragmented memories.

I took the dose around 8pm with two friends who were sober and were going to make sure I didn't do anything stupid while tripping. It came on incredibly quickly. We put on a film immediately after I took the dose and I remember seeing definite visual effects even after only around 15 minutes into the film.

I began to feel very anxious and restless. I started walking around and sitting in various places in the house. I then started to feel very scared. I had a previous bad trip a few months before and I started to understand that I was going in to a headspace similar to that trip, one where I felt like I was not in control of my actions and just a passenger in the vessel of my body. Terrifying. I remember being sat in a chair and just feeling scared of some curtains because the patterns on them resembled something I had seen in a bad trip before. A pattern where everything around me seems to be connected in some awful cycle where things will keep happening over and over again, like thought loops or time loops or something.

At this point I went upstairs to a bedroom and lay down. I felt unable to do anything. Last thing I fully remember in an unfragmented way is going to the bathroom and really needing to urinate but being unable to go.
Last thing I fully remember in an unfragmented way is going to the bathroom and really needing to urinate but being unable to go.
Then I went downstairs to tell my friends I was feeling bad but was unable to make proper sentences. Last thing I actually remember is eating a pistachio nut and then just forgetting I had it in my mouth and realising a few minutes later that the mushy mass was still in my mouth and spitting it out.

Then I went upstairs and lay on the bed again. At some point I took off my shirt. My friends checked on me and there are some videos they took on my phone of me practically unconscious only responding to things they said with grunts, moans and random muttered words.

At some point I took off the remainder of my clothes and ended up lying in the bedroom naked tripping incredibly hard.

I have a fragmented memory of my friends face when he came in to the room and he looked terrifying for some reason, like his face looked incredibly pale and demonic and I wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

The next two hours were ridiculous. I can only describe it as an impossible experience. It was as though the entire world around me transformed into a vortex of swirling patterns in 3 dimensions and I myself, having no concept of self humanity or person-hood, felt like all I was was just one of the swirling patterns moving about the room. Not a person or a creature, just a 3 dimensional fractal pattern.

My friends periodically came and checked on me. When they came I would become more agitated. I remember saying their names and not knowing how I knew who these people were, or what people actually were for that matter. I also felt like this room I was in was the entirety of the universe and this is all existence is for some reason. Incredibly trippy thoughts went through my head. For example I thought that I was some kind of criminal being punished for my actions, or that I had taken some kind of super powerful futuristic space age drug that turns your entire existence into this forever. I did not recall what I had actually taken. Words also didn't make any sense. I would ask myself questions in my head or out loud such as "What is a particle" and then quickly realise that I didn't know what any of those words meant and then say something like "What is what" to try and figure out what "what" means. Obviously not knowing what "what" means makes the sentence "what is what" cyclical so I remember thinking "what is what" in my head over and over again and it became an all encompassing mantra to express my pure confusion.

It was quite hellish, but mainly because I had no idea what was going on. Things carried on like this for a while. Incredibly strange and trippy with me having no idea what was going on. At some point I fell asleep / passed out.

When I woke up I was somewhat more lucid though still tripping very heavily. I had only been asleep for about half an hour. This part of the trip just felt like a weird dream. I actually remember thinking I was just in a dream and it doesn't matter what happens because I will wake up eventually and everything will be back how it was. So at this point I started trying to wake myself up. I tried various methods like slapping myself and bashing into walls and furniture to try and jolt myself awake. I also put my hand on a radiator and remember feeling a huge wave of tingling pain move up my arm in an incredibly weird way.

My friends heard me bumping around and came to find me stood there naked in the room. Once I saw them I again became agitated. I tried to leave the room but they stopped me as they were concerned I would damage things. This agitated me even more. I was still trying to wake myself up so I remember hitting a lamp shade which had beads on it to try and startle myself awake. However the moment I did it I was like to myself in my head "Why did I do that" and again felt like I was not in control of myself or that I was controlling myself wrong or something.

Then I went back to the bed and my friends started moving things out of the room like mirrors and the television so I couldn't break anything. At some point around this time I tried to leave again to go to the bathroom but they wouldn't let me leave the room so I just urinated where I stood not knowing that I shouldn't do that. I was still heavily tripping at this point, not knowing who I was or who either of these people were or where I was.

Eventually I went back to bed. When I woke up I had my brain back despite still having heavy visuals and an enhanced mood. Realised I was naked and put some pants on then went downstairs to apologise to my friends. I still felt wired for a few more hours, but had my brain back and could think straight.

The trip was incredibly weird and there are things that happened that I haven't put in this report as I just could never explain. I spent the rest of the night baffled as to what happened during the first 3 hours or so that I was tripping heavily. I was just glad that part of the trip ended as it was so absolutely weird that it was terrifying.

Exp Year: 2018ExpID: 113010
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Mar 22, 2019Views: 845
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4-AcO-DMT (387) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Guides / Sitters (39), Difficult Experiences (5)

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