Citation: Albert Chemist. "The Music of Creation: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT (exp113088)". Erowid.org. May 7, 2019. erowid.org/exp/113088
||(powder / crystals)
This was my first time having an experience with 4-Acetoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine. I have had a fair amount of experiences with other, more classic psychedelics. My last experience had been a break-through dose of smoked DMT.
Set and Setting:
The setting was my fiancé’s (Q) and my apartment. I had prepared a comfortable, safe spot in the guest bedroom, so that my fiancé could go about her business without me disturbing her.
My set for this experience was generally positive. I had high hopes for this new compound, especially since it isn’t illegal where I live. There were two factors which caused me slight unease though: I had developed a very strong cold two days earlier, and was still feeling rather sick on the day when I had planned to take the 4-AcO-DMT. I wasn’t sure if this would interfere with the experience, but as it turned out, it wouldn’t interfere at all. The second issue was that my fiancé has never taken any drug apart from very low doses of alcohol, she has never even consumed cannabis. While not against my interest in psychoactive substances, she nevertheless has a certain degree of suspicion towards it. I have never tripped in her presence, so this experience would be the first time for me to consume a psychedelic with her in the same place.
This was however part of my reason to want to do it there and then. My intention for the journey was to show her an example of what it looks like to be under the influence of these substances and to show her that there is nothing to be afraid of. The second reason why I wanted to embark on this experience was to better be able to work with and harness the side of myself which Carl Jung would call the Shadow. There is a man about 50 years older than me, let’s call him “S”, who had caused me a great deal of emotional pain when I had been about twenty. It had been very difficult for me to face what had happened to me, and I was resolute to finally face these painful memories and process them for good, so that they would no longer burden me.
So, all in all I had my work cut out for this journey, but I was very hopeful as to what it would bring.
2:00 pm: Since 4-AcO-DMT is legal where I live, I obtained it from a legal source and therefore I’m very confident of its purity. I carefully measured out 30 mg of the white powder using an accurate jewelry scale, which can measure milligram increments.
I carefully measured out 30 mg of the white powder using an accurate jewelry scale, which can measure milligram increments.
I then dissolved the powder in a glass, which was filled about one-third with water.
2:05 pm: I go and tell my fiancé that I am now about to take the sacrament, and once again assure her that no matter what happens she should not be afraid and that if she wants to she can come into the room where I am any time. There is some clear emotional resistance in her. She clearly seems to disapprove of what I am about to do, but on some level I know she can feel that I have to do what I am about to do.
2:07 pm: Feeling slightly sad, I head to the room and sit on the bed. I close my eyes and begin saying my prayer. I always say a prayer before embarking on a journey like this, since I feel that I owe it to the substance for what it is about to do for me, and it helps me to steer the experience in the direction I want. In the prayer I clearly state my intentions and my hopes for the journey. These are: Showing my fiancé Q, that this is not something to be afraid of, and to be able to work through my Shadow and my difficult memories with S.
2:09 pm: I drink the water with the substance dissolved in it. It tastes mildly bitter but nothing too bad.
2:11 pm: I’m already staring to feel it. This may be partially due to the fact that I hadn’t eaten since about 10am, but I am nevertheless amazed by the incredibly rapid onset. I have read several other people remark on how quickly 4-AcO-DMT begins to act, and I can definitely confirm this for myself. In fact, the only other substance I can think of which comes on this fast when ingested orally is alcohol. Perhaps the additional ketone group attached to the oxygen attached to the 4-position on the indole ring of the molecule is what allows it to pass into the bloodstream so much faster than other tryptamines? I don’t know, but it’s definitely something that I would like to look into more.
2:20 pm: I am definitely in It now. I am in a full-blown trip. Everything I am describing from here on is just an approximation of what I really experienced, since words cannot truly capture it. In the darkness of the room I huddle up in the blanket. The entire room is filled and moving with deep and complex fractal patterns which one would expect from a true psychedelic.
At this point I don’t think I could very easily tell this experience apart from most other psychedelics at high doses. I should say here that at high enough doses most true psychedelics are virtually indistinguishable anyway. There are only some very subtle differences with 4-AcO-DMT to something like, say, LSD. There seem to me more audio effects though. The “Ffftffftfftftftfttftftftftf…..” and “wobwobwobwobwob…” audio effects are actually quite pronounced on this substance, and I don’t really get this on LSD. Also, this is probably mainly due to the high dose, but I feel like this substance carried me much further than anything else, except for maybe DMT.
As the experience progresses the patterns move faster and faster and take on more and more depth until they become almost indistinguishable from the visual effects of a high-dose DMT experience. I also find myself entering the same space as on DMT, and within only a short time, I have broken through.
The issue of my Shadow is dealt with first. Initially the experience takes on a rather sinister and uncomfortable direction, and I feel a strong churning in my gut. I remember that purging one’s stomach is a part of many traditions which work with psychedelic plants, and so I make my way to the bathroom and try to purge. Very little comes out since I don’t really have a strong urge to throw up. Still, this symbolic purging seems to be helpful and I feel slightly better as I go back to the bed. The mental imagery becomes so strong that I completely loose visual contact with the outside world at times.
The experience turns back to dealing with the Shadow. I see that calling it the Shadow is almost a misnomer as this makes it seem dark and evil. The word “warrior strength” imprints itself onto my mind over and over again. Use your shadow to get your warrior strength. Why do you need warrior strength? To do what must be done, to protect those around you, in particular to protect your beloved Q.
I suddenly hear Q’s footsteps outside. She is walking to the kitchen and her footsteps sound angry. She is going to do some cooking. I feel sad that she must be feeling angry now, but I am also incredibly amazed at how dutiful she is, at how she is going to the kitchen to prepare food for us.
I too feel an immense sense of duty to her. She is the best thing in my life and I have to protect and cherish that. This is a sacred duty, and being alive is duty. Duty to those around me. I must use my warrior strength to be dutiful to those whom I love and to fight for what I know to be good. I know that I must let Q know that I am thinking of her and to not make her feel alone. So I muster my strength and call out: “I love you!” Several times. I don’t want to overdo it, so as not to impose on her. Eventually Q is done cooking and returns to her room.
At times I feel negative emotions and doubts try to assail me from all sides. But I use the warrior strength to focus on them. Focus, I realize, is immensely important, and through focus I can conquer evil. Evil and darkness are unconscious things, and by focusing on them fully and by making them conscious they are revealed to be hidden aspects of the Good. Whenever a negative energy attempts to assail me I capture it and claim its energy for myself. I very much get the feeling as if I am lassoing these negative energies and herding them for the Good.
I very much get the feeling as if I am lassoing these negative energies and herding them for the Good.
An immense sense of power comes from this.
At the same time I also feel other energies around me. They are undeniably feminine, and they are here to aid me. I get the feeling of playful friendly female creatures who want the best for me. They place good suggestions into my head and aid me in my “fight”. While I don’t hear their voices physically, I can “feel” what they are saying and it nevertheless seems like their suggestions come from a similar place as the audio effects that I am hearing.
They have much practical advice for me. For instance they remind me to focus. Or when I feel something strange in my throat, they tell me to drink. When I can’t find the water bottle, I feel a playful pulling at my toe, and when I look there, the bottle is lying right beside my foot! It seemed as if the spirits were telling me: “Hey silly, the water is right here, have some, it’ll be good for you!” I would equate these female helper spirits with my Anima, and apart from smoked DMT, it is the first time that my mental projections have taken on such an autonomous and animated character on a drug.
Another example which helps to illustrate the character of these helper spirits was when a police car with sirens drove past my apartment. This is something that happens all the time where I live, and I find it quite annoying. In that instance though, I suddenly have the image of an extremely cartoonish round police car pop into my head. It has steam whistles and all sorts of bells and horns attached to it and is making a helluva ruckus with an extremely comically angry looking cartoon policeman sitting inside it. At the same time I sense this “aunty” spirit sticking her tongue out at the car and imitating the honking and blaring of the sirens. I find this extremely funny and join her and also start to imitate the honking.
All of this seems to have an effect on the trajectory of the experience. Things are getting more positive and I feel myself being lifted up by the substance more and more. I now feel like I have enough power and good enough control over my Shadow side to be able to face my painful memories with S. I focus my mind on him and see him for what he truly is. A creature filled with fear and confusion, who has chosen the path of darkness in his life. Rather than hatred, I feel an immense sorrow for him. I see that it is him who is suffering and that through his actions he is causing himself the most pain out of anyone. I feel sorrow to see that he will die in hatred and anger. In my sorrow for him I forgive him for his actions, and tell him to go in peace, but I know that there is little hope that he will ever truly find out of his darkness.
It is the first time that I have been able to forgive him fully, seeing that he is the one suffering, and this revelation and my forgiving him is immensely liberating and I feel a veil of darkness being lifted from me.
My thoughts are elevated to an even higher place then, and I consider this next part to be the peak of the whole experience. I see the paths that people take and see that most people are very much doing the best that they can. By doing the best that they can they are contributing to the good in the world, and to making this universe become better and better. By being dutiful, by taking the bad, and by giving the good we are all evolving the universe to ultimate goodness and understanding. I see the whole of creation without time and see how, by being dutiful and consciously aware, all things which are not conscious in creation will be made conscious and attain godhood through it. I see that although it is not our place to attain this godhood ourselves in our lives, we are nevertheless a part of it and are awarded glimpses of it, and may sometimes share in seeing the unity of creation, which is the willful manifestation of a thought in the mind of God. (By the way I’m not religious in any sense, I’m just reporting what I experienced.)
I see the Master Plan of the whole of creation and see how it inexorably evolves to perfection and ultimate goodness and love. Failure in any given endeavour ultimately does not matter, since this master plan behind all things continues to drive everything to goodness regardless. I see that as time runs forward and that even the darkness and suffering will be turned into light and that I am part of a very late incarnation of this divine process, which no longer has to undergo the suffering and darkness which so many earlier incarnations had to undergo. The words of Leibniz that this world is the best there is because it has the capacity to become better and better, come to mind.
I feel immensely grateful for this and immensely grateful to be alive and to have been given this gift of experiencing and of participating in the Music of creation. As I see the whole Master Plan laid out before me and see the glory of its unity I sense, for just a brief moment, what it must be like to be God. At the same time I am also very grateful to know that I will be able to return to my ordinary human life eventually and that the responsibility of consciously being God does not rest on my shoulders. What I feel throughout all of this is that this existence, this creation, this world, is wonderful… simply WONDERFUL!! I feel creation as a piece of music which is the most beautiful thing that has ever been and that will ever be. I send my thanks up to the universe for this wonderful gift and for making creation real.
This state of near Samadhi continues for what must be about one to two hours. In this state I see many more things. Things about my own future, things about the lives of others, things about family members and many more things which would be too much to list here. Slowly I begin to return to this reality, but I am definitely still very much in the experience. I receive the suggestion to eat some fruit, which I had prepared earlier. Eating is difficult, but I use my warrior strength to get it down. I continue to slowly eat, basking in the afterglow of the experience.
At about 6:30 pm I feel that I am once more normal enough to be able go leave the bedroom. I go to the kitchen and see that there is some food which Q has laid out. Using cutlery is too difficult so I just use my hands to scoop some rice and stew into my mouth. At this point I also remember that I had a cold. I sense for any symptoms, but have absolutely no urge to sneeze and my nose feels clear and dry. If I still have a cold it has obviously been pushed way into the background by everything else.
I hear footsteps and realize that Q is coming to the kitchen. I am a little apprehensive, not knowing how she will react to me. When she enters the kitchen I put my arms around her and kiss her. The vibes I’m getting from her are good. She begins to bustle around in the kitchen and I just watch for a while. She is a magical pixie and I feel immense love for her. I keep my talking to a minimum and suggest that we go back to the bedroom. She is always prepared to go take a nap with me, bless her heart.
Once there, I curl up on the bed with her. At first I’m a little awkward. I don’t trust myself to talk, so I use my body language to show her how I feel. My actions are reminiscent of a silly child. I can feel that Q is becoming more attuned to me, and soon she joins in with my silliness. Although I doubt that she is consciously aware of it, I can tell that she is getting a contact high, her energy is becoming perfectly attuned to mine. I can sense that on an emotional/subconscious level she has accepted the substance and the state that I am in. She isn’t scared of it. This makes me feel immensely at ease, and makes me feel content and even euphoric.
After a while we go back to the kitchen to eat some more. Q begins to cook, and I try to help as best I can in my state. She fries up some ribs and radish, and as the ribs are cooking I sit on the couch and think.
It is now perhaps 8:00pm. I can still feel it, and there are still some visual fractal distortions in the grains on the ceiling and in the plants on my windowsill. I feel a mild melancholy come over me, not unlike the melancholy I sometimes feel towards the end of an MDMA experience. I think this has to do with my empty stomach. I know that if I eat, this feeling will pass.
I ask Q to come over so I can cradle her. She comes over and we lie on the couch together. I suddenly feel my thoughts start to turn more toward the erotic. This has been largely absent from the experience so far, but I now feel that the erotic mental imagery is becoming quite vivid. I begin to wonder how this drug will affect the physical aspects of lovemaking, and so I suggest we go back to the bedroom.
Q turns the stove off and we head to the bed. Boy, oh boy! 4-AcO-DMT most certainly does not impede lovemaking! On the contrary, it seems to be a great enhancer, both physically and mentally. Tactile sensations are greatly enhanced and mental imagery is extremely vivid. I also feel a profound connection to my partner. We enjoy this state for a while, but neither of us brings this energy to its conclusion. We don’t feel the need to reach a climax, although it would certainly be possible. I now definitely consider this substance to be a superb aphrodisiac
I now definitely consider this substance to be a superb aphrodisiac
, and I am looking forward to experimenting with it at lower doses exclusively for this purpose.
At around 9:00pm we go back to the kitchen and finish cooking. We sit on the couch and I eat some ribs and rice. At this point I would like to offer a personal observation: While I respect the choices of vegetarians, meat holds a special place in my heart when it comes to psychedelics. No other type of food is able to ground me and bring me back to baseline and return my physical strength to me quite as well as meat. In traditional shamanism meat is seen as a manifestation of pure life energy, and eating meat towards the end of a psychedelic journey feels like directly regenerating my being through this life source.
After dinner we continue to lazily lie in bed for a while before going to sleep. All the while I feel an immense positive glow and feeling of serenity. Sleep comes easily, although I feel the need to pass water many times. Towards about 12 at night, this actually has the effect of dehydrating me quite a bit, and in this state of dehydration I even feel the visual effects of the earlier experience return momentarily. I find this phenomenon quite interesting though somewhat unpleasant. Drinking some coconut water rehydrates me again though. I fall asleep next to my magic pixie and sleep well through the whole night.
In the morning I feel my nose to be a little bit stuffed, which I feel is still from the cold I had the previous day. I also have a mild headache which is resolved by taking an aspirin tablet. I don’t really feel that this was exclusively the drug though, and I think the cold I had, had some effect on this.
Throughout the next day, and as I am typing up this experience, I feel an immense positive energy and euphoric glow. I am immensely grateful to be alive and that this experiment has gone so well. I consider this one of the most profound psychedelic experiences in my life and a resounding success!
I now definitely consider 4-AcO-DMT to be an ally of mine, and will almost certainly use it again in the future if I need to do some spiritual work. This experience has been a definite plus three (+++) (on the Shulgin scale), and at the peak I would even say that there were glimpses at plus four (++++).
I hope that this beautiful substance will remain with us for a long time and that many other people can benefit from it.
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