DOSE:	repeated		Stimulants
	repeated		Benzodiazepines

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

Amphetamine Addiction and Binges

First off, I’d like to state that I am bipolar and OCD. I take psychotropic medications for this, including anti-psychotics, which strangely do not effect the amps.

It all started sophomore year in high school. I was prescribed seroquel, the worst drug in the world. I felt like a zombie I was so tired. So one day, I was getting stoned with a friend, when he mentioned he had some vyvanse, and asked if I wanted one. I jumped at the opportunity and said yes. A drug that doesn’t make me tired anymore?! I’m in.

We took the vyvanse and wandered around the streets for hours. My vyvanse use began to grow more and more until my friend (thankfully) cut me off. So I tried to convince my shrink to get me vyvanse. She wasn’t down, so I fired her and found a new one. This is where the downward spiral began.

This doc would prescribe me ANY stimulant, addies, addies xr, ritalin, focalin (my personal favorite) and dexedrine, my second favorite cause the crash didn’t suck as much. Dexedrine became my main script, and I loved every minute of it. I would sell some it off for money, and sell the last of my klonopin (I was being tapered off) for weed/money. Then I started dealing acid and really started making bank, along with two jobs. Life was great, I was on top of the world, nothing could stop me.

Then I started getting psychotic. I thought I could talk to god by turning on my bluetooth, wifi, and volume all the way up on my phone. I started writing really weird notes in my phone. I had a sudden fascination to math.

I was doing a lot of acid, dexedrine-around 30-60mgs a day, snorted- along with popping dexedrine 15mg instant release underneath my tongue at 9 at night to stay up all night with my friends. Eventually all the drugs, along with my bipolar, caught up to me. I had a psychotic break.

I remember it like it was yesterday, I was really anxious and didn’t have benzos so I just straight up told my dad I was gonna smoke some weed (I was 18 at the time and my parents weren’t too chill about weed yet, but my dad was more chill than my mom since he was a stoner too as a kid lol). Well, I smoked. That was a HUGE mistake. All the other drugs were getting to me, and the weed broke the camels back and I went totally insane. I came inside screaming at the top of my lungs about how my ex abused me (yes, females can be abusive too), in tears, hardly making any sense. I talked to my sister and she convinced me to go to the mental hospital.

The first thing they did was cut the dexedrine script cold turkey. One of THE WORST withdrawals of my life. It's number three. First it goes benzos cold turkey, then opiates cold turkey, then amps cold turkey. They doped me up on anti-psychotics like thorazine (no joke it fucking sucked) all I did for a month was watch south park and eat cereal.

I came into the hospital 5’10’’ and 130 pounds, totally underweight. After being on thorazine for month and basically just eating all day I gained 20 lbs, which I needed. For two years I went in and out of the mental hospital, for a total of 10 times (13 times overall). It was the worst two years of my life. I was on so so many typical antipsychotics like haldol and such. Oh and by the way I have a dxm addiction , but it really wasn’t on my mind cause I was tweaking all the time.

When I turned 20, something changed. I had been heavily using DXM that summer (damn near every day, and a lot of it too), and I decided I wasn’t going to the hospital unless I really needed it, and I was gonna work on quitting DXM. It took a while, but the longest I’ve been sober from it was 7 months. This year and last year (2018/2019) I had only gone to the hospital 3 times.

But I was on 10 different meds at the time. Then, right before I turned 22, my psychiatrist got stomach cancer, so I switched to a different one who practiced completely different than my old one. He got me down to 6 meds, and started scripting me benzos. Like heaps and heaps of benzos, rare ones too. I became addicted within about 2 months. I was popping 8mgs k pins every morning, zonk out, then three or four later do my normal shit. Then I would get tired of it, ask for a different benzo, he would write a script no problem… then in January of 2019 I fucked up. I accidentally took like 20mgs k pins while blacked out on only 3 SHOTS. Granted, I had already been on 10mgs that day…

So I call the doc, there was an asshole fill in who cut me cold turkey so I supplemented with kava kava, blue dream, and CBD oil. Didn’t have a seizure, but the day I stopped taking the kava was hell. My normal doc wrote an emergency script for k pins thankfully, and by the time I ran out insurance finally got their shit together and got me my benzos.

Fast forward four months. I’m finally able to get my script for armodafinil (nuvigil) for my hypersomnia (basically I'm always tired and sleep way too much, and NO it’s not from the benzos, I’ve been like this my whole life) after a huge insurance battle. I popped two, then three, then a few hrs later another 2, etc for a week. After two weeks the script was empty. This is when I started looking for speed again. I found a close friend who was also a connect and that’s when the downward spiral began.

I started off with railing 60mgs of 20mg instant release last week sunday, then another 60 later that night. Then I took a break for a day. After that day I went a little insane. My script for valium came in on the 7th (the following sunday), so I was geeked about that, so I had a little benzo and beer holiday. Then I went to a party and got half of a 20mg adderall. That’s what set everything off. The next day I bought 60mgs, then another 60mgs later on cause I had some work to do and I wanted to stay up all night. The next day is just a fog. I stayed the night at friends house, prepped by popping 60mgs valium, drank 2 and half colt 45s (strong malt liquor), and smoked some weed. I ended up sleeping till 10:30 pm-I got there around 5 or 6 in the evening…

So you know what I did? After I left his house I bought ANOTHER 60MGS addies after I left at 5 in the morning yesterday. Then today I even plugged the dude really hard cash wise and gave him some valium (he’s been going through a lot lately so I figured since I woke him up at like 8 he deserved a plug). I was high on 60mgs addies and 10mgs valium. I figured out that that was the perfect combo-not too many benzos to cover the speed, just enough for a body high.

Then I came down.

I wasn’t having your normal amphetamine crash because of the benzos, but I felt sad, and needed more. So I spent EVEN MORE to get 60mgs addies. Now I sit, high and calm but completely focused, my scalp is tingly (I love that), and my body feels great. I want to buy more tomorrow, I have the cash, but I know, I KNOW I can’t; for my mental health, my financial situation, and a fear of becoming completely addicted, and I don’t want to go back to that place.

Speed can be great, but it’s easy to get addicted. Be careful, and stay safe

Exp Year: 2013-2019	ExpID: 113092
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Jul 24, 2019	Views: 1,529
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Stimulants (707), Benzodiazepines (434) : Combinations (3), Retrospective / Summary (11), Health Problems (27), Post Trip Problems (8), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)