DOSE:

repeated

smoked

Methamphetamine

BODY WEIGHT:

137 lb

November 16, 2001
My Life Came Crashing Down

When I first started using meth it was a once a month deal, then it was every 2 weeks, that eventually led to using every Friday night so that I would have 2 days to recover before going back to work on Monday. Then every now and then I would be so brave as to even do it on a work night, knowing that it would be impossible for me to make it to work the next day, and on the days that I would force myself to go into work high, was like a living hell! Wondering if people could tell? Never looking straight at anyone when speaking and that was only if I absolutely had to! Always trying to hide myself in my work, work that wasn't really getting done because I couldn't concentrate, but giving the illusion to everyone around me that I was busy as hell! All of this behavior eventually led me to lose one of the best jobs I ever had.

So I decided to take a break from working and collect unemployment. But what was the real reason I was taking this so called break? Was it because I was stressed from working or was it because I wanted to continue getting high on meth and partying with my friends? I chose the latter, to ignor my responsibilties as a respectful, contributing human being to society. Meth was becoming my new best-friend! I was choosing it over my family and friends, even the simple daily routines of cleaning house, grocery shopping, doing the laundry, fixing meals and sleeping were no where in my state of consciousness they just didn't exist! My marriage was suffering the worst, my husband had re-injured his back in September and was off work. He was attending many doctor appointments and at home with me on a fulltime basis.

We were waiting for him to start receiving workman's comp but the two different insurance companys (the old and the new) for the company he worked for were fighting over who was going to pay this claim. So needless to say, our bills were starting to suffer not to mention we were hardly speaking or spending anytime together even though we were living under the same roof 24-7. Meth was really starting to take it's toll on our lives! And yes, we were both using.

So I decided to take a chance with our lives and freedom by taking on the role of a drug dealer! We needed to get our bills paid and with only $447.00 every two weeks from my unemployment was not getting the job done, not to mention we still needed to get high! So by becoming a Meth dealer enabled us to supplement our income and allowed us to get high for free.
Everything was going well in this newly created little bubble we were living in that we called life, but was really only an illusion that we gave, that our lives were ok. Until November 16, 2001, when I was pulled over and my truck was searched. I found myself handcuffed and sitting in the back of a squad car charged with possesion w/intent to deliver methamphetamine!!!!

I was taken down to the County Jail and booked with a class B felony and $130,000 dollar bond. That was also followed by a charge of driving while revoked that carried another $1950.00 dollar bond. I was allowed 3 free phone calls, 2 to my husband and one to my attorney. When I spoke with my attorney he told my that Pre-trial release would get me out in the morning after I went in front of the Judge, that was a big relief to hear that since I knew we didn't have $13,000 which was 10% of the bond nor did we have the property it would have taken to get me out ourselves. When I went in front of the Judge the next morning my charge was reduced to a class C felony that carried a $65,000 dollar bond. Pre-trial had already interviewed me earlier that morning, so now it was a waiting game for me back in my closet of a cell wondering if I was going to be released our not? They had brought in lunch for me which consisted of a processed chicken patty on top of a piece of bread that had gravey poured over it, corn, which were both cold as hell, freito chips, pinapple chucks and 2 milks, I only drank the milk I didn't have an appetite for anything else. I was really starting to stress on the idea that I might be staying in jail and was not going to be released. An hour had passed since they had brought in lunch so I knew it had to be close to 1:00 pm when one of the deputy's opened my cell door and asked me if I was ready to go home? That was the first time I broke down into tears since I had been arrested, the great relief of knowing I was going home was over whelming. But the fact remained, I still had quite a long road ahead of me with a drug evaluation followed by treatment, which I was welcoming with open arms, many court apperances, attorney fees, fines and court costs all which were going to be quite expensive on a budget that didn't exist.

This is happening to me because of my addiction to Meth! An addiction so strong that everything in my life I had worked so hard for is buried so deep right now that it will take me alot of patience and hard work to get back what I have lost. But, I am a survior and always have been and I know that I will succeed and will achieve back everything that I have lost and much more. It's just going to take time. Time that I'm grateful for having to accomplish this with my freedom and not behind a bar door.

The hardest thing in all of this was telling my parents and friends. I have let them down but not only just them I let myself down, I knew better. I know that we all know the difference between what's right in our lives and what's not and for myself I got caught up in situations that were exciting for me, all the new found friends that wern't really friends at all just acqaintances, the night life of partying till all hours, the extra money and power that came with all of that. What I have left myself with right now is no job and no money, my feeling of no self-worth, my ability to trust, and an addiction to meth that I pray to God I can beat. Because if I can't, then meth will have totally consumed my life.

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 11316
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 21, 2019	Views: 1,244
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Methamphetamine (37) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)