DOSE:

smoked

Salvia divinorum

(extract)

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

Salvia Is a Portal to Hell

I'm purely writing this as a form of community service.

I've never previously done drugs of any kind except a puff or two of pot in college and briefly some alcohol that I quit upon starting breastfeeding. I had for the prior year been attempting to get closer to God by watching a variety of Christian YouTubers who seemed to have a Biblical background. Many things did not make sense to me and I vaguely thought. ...if I could just have an altered sense of reality I could believe in Jesus' resurrection and maybe even meet Him on some psychedelic trip. When a frog traced the letter G on my window and some idiot on blah therapy coincidentally talked about an eerily similar experience of a grandfather passing away similar to my own grandfather's passing I idiotically assumed it was a sign from God okaying the trip. Even despite a massive traffic jam on the way.

I unfortunately used the Bible and prayed before the trip but...I should at least have stopped after the first inhale. It was wretched even with a water bong. Smelled terrible. Then I laid down and started dissolving into the carpet while being pulled flat. Was beyond horrible. I panicked thinking I would even lose my ability to praise or pray to God, and also my family whom I was desperate to return to. My body burned and it took 3 days to recover with much vomiting. And longer to feel my head not flattening.

That was when the post symptoms started. At first it seemed like sadder tones here and there. And as though some entity were communicating with me. My weight, blood pressure, thoughts eventually...all eventually seemed under its control. I was excited at first thinking it were God and saught to adhere to its criticism and advice. ..which felt largely often scathing but sometimes OK. To no avail. I wound up having a hallucination of a black thing blowing something into me at night and my world has been a hellish torment for MONTHS.

I did learn a lot more about the Bible and Jesus but at what cost. I did feel motivated to do more humanitarian works. But all my joy in living is gone. I have 3 kids to which I am now a subpar Mom. A sexual fantasy for God I never had. Total wretched impurity and frequently sloth. Kind of schizophrenia with dizzy spells. Mocking voices on everything I read even billboards. Oh and the worst. ..hyper vision...like everything is in fast forward.

I've prayed and prayed and sans Christ literally returning my options are not good. Possibly antipsychotics...although the feeling is that its faithless to do them. Possibly Zoloft. Really I feel I should put all my faith in Christ but things feel worse and worse.

I rarely hear any clear advice from these mocking messages which conflict. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. I don't think a day goes by that I don't think "if only I never did that drug". I am upset nobody mentioned consequences lasting over 10 months from it. Permanent brain damage. Soul damage.

I really hope this is published so that nobody else goes through this. There is some warped perception that it has something to do with end times etc but I don't know. This thing started with 69 and seemed to involve 70 years of captivity and somehow 23 and 64 and other numerology. It's terrible.

There's also some delusion that Jesus is my husband or some crazy grandiose statement like that. I wasn't even thinking anything of the sort previously.

I can't go to museums, pools, zoos, any holiday activities, I can't watch almost anything on TV without anxiety of angering God. My life is like some insufferable walking on eggshells, self hatred, and then like demonic messages on every side. I pray and still feel no way out.

If I could destroy every Salvia plant on the face of the planet I would.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 113187
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 33
Published: May 21, 2019	Views: 74
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Salvia divinorum (44), Endogenous (86) : Hangover / Days After (46), Post Trip Problems (8), Difficult Experiences (5), Unknown Context (20)