Citation: Liam. "Opened the Bottle of Past Trauma Up: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT (exp113199)". Erowid.org. May 29, 2019. erowid.org/exp/113199
||(powder / crystals)
| T+ 0:10
80mg 4 Aco Hell
*almost certain my dose was higher then planned* This is a story about my first high dose 4 Aco DMT, if taken LSD many times alone at 200ug+ so I was pretty confident with where I was at mentally but this was the trip that opened the bottle of past trauma up.
Initially I was just chillen with my gf taking it easy she was at 20mg and I was at 40mg. Normally do it on my own but thought company would be nice. Finding the intensity of 40mg quite intense but felt confident and wanted to push it as the 4 aco had not been nearly as introspective as lsd, so weighed up another 40mg at roughly the peak. Gave my gf another 17mg and strapped in. Was planning on just chillen watching a movie and just thinking about my work issues in a different light and just keep on keeping on with my life.
Not even 10 minutes later while filling up a glass of water it hit me like an absolute train. I did not have any time to strap in or anything. Ran to my room with racing thoughts, dry heaving layed down on my side with my bin trying to contain myself. I could not at all, my gf came in asking what was going on I was trying to play off just being sick so I didn't drag her down with me. Everything start growing and my entire room was growing by multiple meters at a time and everything had folded into itself so much I thought things had an extra dimention to them. While I still had a body my girlfriend was moving all round the room when she wasent she was growing and shrinking.
My whole body felt like an open flesh wound and everything I touched started dissolving in my hand then one of my friends called my gf for ketamine and I was so scared they were calling cause they were on the way to beat me up. I had no control of my thoughts, I was trying to meditate to bring it down a notch but the closed eye visuals had become so intense that they were realer then real. Tried to take a 30mg codeines to numb the thoughts but they had no chance.
I then rolled over closed my eyes and entered the void. I disappeared and I was at the hospital walking into the same room where my child had died with my ex girlfriend and all the nurses saying look what you did, you shouldn't be here. Then after I spent what felt like infinite time in complete hysterics over reliving my child's death, I was sent straight to all my abuse as a child and I just wanted to die. I got a slight break and came back to my body and my dead child was coming out of my gf. This was when I was one second off going and grabbing a knife and stabbing myself in the temple so it would end but I felt like I'd just be stuck there forever if I killed myself. Then told my girlfriend to play some mac demarco so I can try Zen. While I was rolling around thinking in my head what the fuck have I done I'm losing my fucking mind there was a chant in my head of complete jiberish. That kept getting louder and was only there when these entities were in the room. And every time it said "Huns" I got so much fear and complete loss of control the intensity came on even harder and it basically knocked me back into the void. And this time I was sent to my work and I was screaming to my work mates for help and they kept chanting "you been here before, you shouldn't be here" then I start reversing everything. I am grateful in my life and meditating cause I wasent able to let go so I damn well was putting up a fight for my life.
I spent the next 8 hours reliving old traumatic memories and was driving in a car at one point and it was about to crash and I was just praying it was the one that killed me. Time was completely out the window and I was so terrified and suicidal but I managed to push through going down every rabbit hole of the mind. Came back to my body and went out for a smoke and the visuals were still so intense but coming back to normal. I was so grateful that it was over and went to my bed and watched Madagascar just trying to work out what even happened and what I can bring back from that cause all of got now is ptsd on top of ptsd.
I would not wish this upon anyone and I feel like there is a few people that can relate to the void of no time no nothing just thinking your dead and reliving old memories. I was shown the darker side of mushrooms and I'm sure with enough time I can start to understand it a bit more and try to take what I can from it. Just wanted to vent my experience that's clogging my mind, happy tripping less is definatley more.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.