DOSE:	1 hit	sublingual	LSD	(blotter / tab)
		smoked	Tobacco
		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

155 lb

I would like to start this off by saying that I believe I am a very introspective individual. I obsess over self-improvement, and I have gone to therapy to deal with relationship issues in the past. I went into this trip with a positive mindset since I was surrounded with my brothers for life. We all met in college, and we have been very close for 6 years now. We had planned this trip 2 months in advance, and I could not wait to try acid for the first time.

It was a blazing hot Joshua Tree morning. We dropped the 150 micrograms of acid at 9:30 A.M. It was a tiny square of paper that tasted like nothing; I kept it underneath my tongue as advised. I had never done acid before this, but I had a good general idea of what I was getting myself into; but of course you can never fully plan for a trip. You later realize that the trip will guide you along the way and if you just give in to it then you will likely have a much smoother experience. That much I knew, for I had tripped twice before; once on San Pedro cactus tea and once on a 1g dried up magic mushroom. I wish I knew the dosage for the cactus tea, but all I know is that we overdosed on it. The mushroom was strong too, and it was a nefarious trip.

But this LSD induced the cleanest trip of them all.

There was seven of us; three sober individuals along with four soon-to-be intoxicated souls. We climbed the steep, nearby mountain and discovered that the climb was much harder than we had previously anticipated. My heart was quickly tiring out. We had all stopped about 2 or 3 times before 2 sober brothers and I decided to chill out on a rock for a bit. The other 4 men continued their journey to the top. Us 3 were about 60% of the way up. This was also about 30 minutes after dropping the acid. I could begin to see the landscape swell about and breathe with life like a painting yearning to leap outside its canvas. My brothers B and J were bullshitting about the climb and how hot it was. I was starting to feel my anxiety climb up rapidly; my brother, B, let me know that this anxiety was normal and that I would approach the peak for a few more hours. He had previously tripped on acid, so I knew I could trust his advice. He let me know the anxiety would vanish as soon as the peak plateaued, and that made me feel better.

The 3 of us decided to get back down and walk around on the flat ground. We began our descent into safety, and my descent into tripping balls. We took our time getting down. I soon found it more fun and less scary while jumping down and gliding across the rocks. I could feel our pre-programmed instincts for survival kick in. I knew I would be safe so long as I took the necessary time to analyze and then choose the best possible path whenever I descended an appropriate amount of distance. My sober brothers B and J followed behind me, but I was much quicker on the path down. Rocks were loosed and fell as B and J slipped and climbed down. Many, “Are you ok?”s were exchanged on the way and then confirmed with thumbs up.

We touched ground and decided to drink lots of fluids. I had sugar-free Gatorade as well as cold water that was stowed in my retired college backpack. As we were re-hydrating, 1 of my brothers, B, started talking about a viral video of a woman, I believe a politician, saying something very dumb on live television. My thoughts were racing as I was anticipating the funny sentences this woman must have said. It felt like my brother B was taking his sweet time to get to the point, and this was driving me crazy with anticipation. I grabbed him by the shoulder and yelled, “Stop it! Ahhh!” and I laughed maniacally. My brothers also laughed but more so at my current condition. This also caused me to laugh even more but this time along with them. I decided to put my earbuds in and walk away from them a bit. I played Iman Omari’s “High-Loops & Higher-Loops” which I *highly* recommend for any intoxicated situation you may find yourself in. The vibes were strong and I felt great. We 3 walked over to a concrete cylinder that I kept referring to as “the ring”, and my brothers found this reference comical. It was a source of shade and retreat from the scorching hot California sun. The air was dry as hell. We quickly got into comfortable positions. We chatted about the other 4 men on their ascent up the mountain. We could not see them anymore. I decided to call one of my brothers, E, to ensure they were still alive and that none had fallen down the mountain to their doom. My empathy was strong and climbing, for I wanted them to feel as great as I did and I would have been uncomfortably upset if any of them were hurt. They picked up and let us know they were at the top planning to come down soon. I asked them to do so ASAP and hung up. I giggled at our little interaction. Such a simple interaction like a phone call was very comical to me. I giggled with glee as my 2 sober brothers were enjoying the intoxicated company.

Eventually, I could see my 4 additional brothers descend down the mountain from which we had climbed. They were taking their time, and I was both happy and irritated since I was anticipating their touchdown to the Earth again. The visuals were very strong by this point. I remember laying my head back and resting my neck so I could bask in the feeling that was growing on me. My anxiety was melting away as the enjoyment of living in the moment took over. I closed my eyes as I turned and faced the bright sky. Patterns of yellow and orange light-orbs collided into themselves over and over again. My visuals were split directly down the middle. What I noticed on the left half of my view was directly mapped in the opposite manor on the right side. The two visual halves collided in the middle, disappearing and reappearing again on the outskirts of my visual field. Waves of astonishment crashed over me.

My brother, B, was offering J and me both jerky and granola. I took some and enjoyed the tastes and textures of both foods. The flavors weren’t enhanced, per se, but I enjoyed them nonetheless. I only needed a little bit of both, for I wasn’t hungry but merely curious about the tastes. I then turned to see my 4 brothers come back down the mountain; they responded to my far and silent waves with friendly waves of their own in return.

We 7 had finally re-convened. It was a great feeling to have them around me again. My brother, A, was playing a guitar constructed of 4 strings and a cigar box. The reverb traveled from the top to bottom and back to the top of the cylinder that we were inside of. The notes rang clearly and laughter ensued amongst us all. We were all very sweaty, and my brother A wanted to head inside the Airbnb we had rented out. I followed his pursuit, put my earbuds back in, and listened to the instrumental beats of Iman Omari while wholeheartedly feeling the vibes that permeated my headspace.

This part of the trip was great. This is a bit over an hour in. We went inside the house and began looking at objects. The analog clock on the wall warped in a cliche, psychedelic way that made me laugh. I kept pointing to it and letting A know how cliche it was. He agreed, and I went to the restroom. As I was urinating, I looked around and witnessed how every object breathed with life. As I washed my hands, I stared into the mirror and couldn’t believe how striking my features were. My dirty blond hair and eyebrows sizzled bright gold. I watched my entire jaw rapidly warp back and forth. I was also focussing on my facial hair and blemishes; I was honestly disgusted by how prominent the acid had made these things seem. I finished washing up and then decided to change from jeans and a long sleeve shirt into shorts and a blue tank top. The cloth of the tank was silky, and I can’t help but recall how difficult it was determining how to place it upon my torso.

Once I was dressed I noticed my brother A was shirtless in the living room and setting up his speakers to produce some music. I decided to stay hydrated so that I could try and prevent a hangover the next day. The dry heat had taken a toll on my body, and this I knew but did not feel. My smart watch was telling me multiple times that my heart rate was over 120 beats per minute, but internally my heart felt calm. The veins in my forearms were growing and moving under my skin. My hands seemed especially prominent, and around this time the rest of my brothers from outside had decided to catch up with A and me.

We were sitting on couches and traveling back and forth from inside the house to outside the house. I sat outside with my other brother Al, and we didn’t even exchange a single word. We didn’t need to. It felt as though language was not necessary, and body language was more than enough to send messages across. A hammock next to me kept flapping in the breeze and had slapped me a few times. I let it happen, and Al shared a smile. I stared out onto the mountain we had all climbed a little earlier that morning. My mind was at peace. I decided I wanted to be back inside with the rest of my brothers.

I went inside and sat on a chair next to my brother J. J seemed to be in a dejected mood, and he was sober. I remembered how my old therapist used to act for me to open up, so I asked him, “How are things with you, J?” J responded, “You mean right now or in general?” I smiled. “Both.” He immediately started talking about how he went to the club the previous weekend and caught up with some other friends of his, and how he was feeling alright in the moment. His body language opened up and I noticed this. I felt successful in getting him to open up a bit and feel social. I moved on to each one of my brothers individually. I could sense closed off body language from cliques that had formed amongst some of them. I respected such boundaries and would move on to the next clique. Laughter was my response to most things. I was feeling very primal at this point while peaking.

About 3 to 4 hours in, I noticed that I didn’t feel like talking anymore. I found that body language was more than enough for most social interactions. I could analyze and interpret every little detail of body language between everyone. I noticed how twisting my body just a little more towards someone made me feel closer to them. And how inching forward or backward just a touch more would make me feel more like I belonged in certain temporary cliques between my brothers. We exchanged glances with one another and used our hands to further express wants. I realized that our hands are what built society and how things such as cranes and vehicles are just extensions of our physical will to get things done. I felt powerful knowing I had two biologically working hands. I felt more than capable of accomplishing anything I set my mind to.

I soon realized that when I was not actively doing anything I felt useless. I paced around the kitchen looking for activity. My brother Al had come back inside and asked me to get him a drink from the fridge. I realized how happy I was to be of use for another. There was a bond there that I could not ignore, and this bond was forged over a stretch of time that had already passed long before. I have known my brothers for over 6 years now; this is really a quarter of my life. Once again I felt useless after retrieving Al a drink. He was tripping as well, but he seemed confident and satisfied. I found myself sitting on a stair step thinking about how isolated I felt. Only then did I analyze my feelings and understand that it was really me who had isolated myself. The feelings I was having had flowed through me because I did this to myself. I decided that if I wanted to feel apart of the group then I had to physically place myself within the group. Being alone was a choice here, and they weren’t casting me aside simply because they didn’t have any tasks for me.

I felt like an ape. I felt all the deep-seated, underlying programming within us that allowed us to survive the ages along our evolution. Vocal language and ego were useless. I felt as though if I was not contributing to the social scene that I was a useless monkey; fit to be sad and alone on my own accord. I decided to engage with my brothers as much as I could until I realized I wanted to be alone and listen to some music. I went into my room and laid on my big bed with my Bose headphones in. I listened to live music by Kings of Leon and realized that live music was way better than studio music. The intentions and imperfections came through the speakers clear as day. I felt my social battery “recharge” as I spent more time in solitude. After about 15 to 20 minutes I felt lonely and like joining my brothers again.

By this time everyone was doing their own thing. Some were outside in the desert heat sitting and chatting. Two of my sober brothers were sleeping after having a couple Modelos. I felt lonely and returned to my room. I sulked as I listened to 21 Savage’s “A lot”. It made me think about my ex-girlfriend, N, who had chosen a different life path and had chosen to be with someone else. I felt sad realizing we do not talk anymore. I felt like it was such a shame how we, as social animals, sometimes choose to disconnect and destroy bridges that once carried so much mutual love. I still had her number and wanted to get in touch with her, but I decided to respect her life and let her be. I decided it was ok to feel these negative feelings. I used to bury my emotions in order to not have to deal with them and the resulting pain. Distracting myself and others from negative feelings used to be my MO, but after finishing five months of therapy I knew that if I chose to feel my feelings then they would eventually subside, and I would get over them. So I told myself it was ok to be sad; that sometimes it really is ok to not be ok.

It took about 10 minutes of feeling these feelings for me to be over the temporary sadness. Letting go is a process. It is not a one-and-done situation. No matter how bad we want some things to be, sometimes they just won’t be, and learning to be ok with this is something I had struggled with before, but tripping while thinking about the truths I learned from therapy drove them deeper into my brain. They felt more true than ever. Around this time a few of my brothers decided to see what I was up to and crashed on my bed. It was great because this got me engaged socially again. It was like an immediate switch flipping in my brain that took me from introspection and analysis to outward presence and integration. We laughed and bullshitted some, and then I suggested we play the board game Resistance. It is a great game where we just accuse each other of being a spy trying to thwart the mission of the allies to win 3 out of 5 rounds of individuals voting for either the allies to win or the spies to win the current round.

Heading out of my room I felt even freer from my past baggage than I ever had before. Feeling anew and realizing where I was, in both peaceful mental solitude and in a physical presence with my brothers inside an awesome Airbnb, I decided to be happy. I decided that I can do whatever I wanted. I can go down any path in life.

We played for perhaps an hour or so. My head was clearer than it had ever been before. I was noticing the body language of the players and trying to determine for myself who was the spy and who was on my team. I realized how easy it is to actually influence another’s decision-making process. It seemed like the louder guys were able to sway the quieter guys into choosing certain people to vote in certain rounds of the game. I pointed this out and was obviously accused of being a spy. It was all great fun and I thoroughly enjoyed my brother, E, deciding to eat popcorn for the entire duration of the game. I pointed this out and asked him to “please stop fucking eating!” which got a lot of laughs from the group. It was funny realizing we really are all just social apes carrying out tasks and laughing at the truth of things along the way.

Also while playing the game I started thinking about my sexuality. I am heterosexual, but as I was thinking about it I believe we really do fall on a spectrum. I do not believe heterosexual people can be 100% only attracted to the opposite sex, and I had my suspicions about this before taking acid, but the acid really made me think about this even more. Granted we may not go through with pursuing someone of the same sex, but I think we can all appreciate and hold a real interest in a handsome or gorgeous individual of the same sex. I was thinking about society and how sad it is that we cannot all just be absolutely free to admit such things without worrying about social societal repercussions.

We all agreed to start a barbecue after the game. Two of my sober brothers, B and J, who I hung out with on the rock in the beginning, are very close. The rest of us could tell that B and J wanted to take over the setting and cooking. The rest of us happily obliged. By this time the acid peak was over and we 4 who took it were gradually coming down. My brothers A and E decided to go back out to the cylinder outside and climb on top of it. I later followed them after sitting with Al for a bit, and we 3 began to bullshit back and forth about the revelations and realizations the acid bestowed upon us. I told them about how the acid made me feel so primal and engaged via these low-level evolutionary circuits that make us act as the animals who survived until this current point in our evolution.

My brother Al showed up about 10 to 15 minutes later with his DSLR camera, and he started taking pictures of us. We posed and laughed as he took candid shots. He offered us better pictures for our dating profiles which I really appreciated since his camera cost $3K and my camera is an iPhone X. We decided to head back as the sun set.

Liquor was brought out and placed on the table in the back, and everyone reconvened to talk and share general life experiences. We tried to include M in our conversation more since he seemed a bit more detached from the rest of the group for the better part of the day. He quickly opened up as we laughed at A taking the longest piss of his life. “Your balls will shrivel into raisins!” M yelled at A, and that was how I knew he felt included and I could stop concerning myself with the status of how inclusive he felt.

I lit a cigar and passed it around my boys. They appreciated the flavor and asked me questions about cigars, and I was happy to share my knowledge of the wacky-tobaccy with them. Around this time of night the barbecue was in full swing, and ribs and sausages were passed around the group. Everyone was socially lubricated and having a great time. I felt like getting a head high, so I lit a bowl with 50% CBD and 50% THC kief leftover from a previous smoke session the night before. As the weed and the acid mixed together along with the nicotine I felt my mind percolate with static , and the way I would describe the feeling is “frosty”. It was a perfect day and night considering all the events that had occurred. We ate and sat under the stars admiring the Big Dipper and the Milky Way galaxy. I recall seeing the stars glow and approach me. The feeling that blanketed over me was pure awe; I wish every living human being could witness what I had that late July night.

The shower I took before bed was the best and most refreshing shower I had ever taken in my life. This was 15 hours after dropping the acid, and I still had visuals. I was happy in my bed listening to A Perfect Circle and reading about others’ LSD experiences on my phone. I fell asleep around 12:30 A.M. and woke up about 7:30 A.M. the next day, and I felt very refreshed. We cleaned up our Airbnb and then went back to our lives.

I felt at peace in my mind that night, and I still do 2 days later as I finish writing about this amazing experience. I can see just how much ego plays in every day situations at work and home. I can choose to turn my ego down and honestly hear someone out. I can smile and be happy for others. I can do whatever I choose to do. I do not even think I will smoke weed or trip again. I feel as though I am at peace with my demons. Of course this feeling could be temporary, but I feel like I am good on ever being intoxicated again. I don’t even drink alcohol as it is. What I ultimately got out of this experience is that this life may be ridiculous and overwhelming at times, but the fact that we can postulate and derive our own meaning from what happens to us gives me a hope that it hard to explain, but a hope that is nonetheless very much real.

We are not our thoughts or feelings; we are who we choose to become.

Finally, below is a note I wrote while under the influence of LSD. This was about 4.5 hours into the experience:

Start of recording

—

My heart feels as though it is beating extremely slowly. I had some realizations; some I already knew, but others of course… not lol. I can feel my shoulders burn from the rustling of being in nature. Climbing down rocks. It was easy; natural. Things are flowing right now in a synchronous way. Everything is a culmination of the energy we bring light to.

The instrumental album by Iman Omari is permeating through the walls of our dormant, lethargic natural state. We climbed a lot. E__ has been in the sun the longest on his journey. Al__ is sitting out back just observing and generally being in a good mood.

I had a couple of goofy moments along the way. Felt isolated but realized it was me who caused it in the first place. Others are willing to let you in if they know they can be brought into yours. At least that’s how it must be coming from me.

I’m worried about my jaw. I may have absentmindedly clenched it one too many times. But it could just be from chewing the gum too. The picture of me in the group chat is hilarious. Eyes wide shut letting everything permeate beneath. Every time I reread a sentence the visuals come back into swing again. It somehow seems very ok even though it is so very alien. Being presented something in a way out of our control is really forbidding.

Ate a banana. At about 5 hours into this experience. Visuals are wearing off gradually. Feeling more like I did before. Jamming out to “Just a girl” because I could use the feminine voice at the moment. Feeling good: 80/100 on the mood scale.

This experience is making me think about all the ego involved in every little thing we do. It can be observed and seen how insecure we may be in approaching a situation. I feel as though it is all that takes place in my mind. Analyzing what’s going on socially. Seeing who likes talking to who. Seeing what gets someone to unfold their arms. Seeing what it takes to get someone to open up or offer a mini task.

It feels better to sit up straight with a back arch. Realizing it’s easy to get our operating systems fucked up by preconceived notions and imposing thoughts and feelings onto others.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 113425
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 24
Published: Jul 2, 2020	Views: 755
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LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Nature / Outdoors (23), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)