DOSE:	10 mg	oral	Pharms - Escitalopram	(daily)
		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

99 lb

Anxiety and Cannabis

A little background of my cannabis use before I get started on what happened today:

My tolerance for smoking weed raises and peaks quite quickly after daily usage. A bit more than two years ago, I was taking one or two dabs (usually anywhere between 75-85% THC) hourly to keep up with a high. At that point I was spending way too much money per paycheck, as my husband also participates. At that time I decided to cut back to about one dab every few hours.

The strange thing about my tolerance is I have next to zero tolerance after a break. I also have a history of terrible panic attacks. Racing heart, chest pain, the whole 9 yards. If I am good at not consuming too much marijuana in one hit, yes one small hit, after a break, I can control my anxiety until I build enough tolerance to actually enjoy a couple of hits at once.

Fast forward to about six months ago. Panic attacks are hitting me every night after the sun goes down. I immediately quit my usage, as even flower was not treating me well. Sober or not, these panic attacks would make me wish I was in a treatment home. To this day I'm still not sure what caused this nightly reoccurrence.

I went to see my doctor as soon as I could set up an appointment. She prescribed me escitalopram, 10 mg, then I had asked to be upped to 20 after a month.

I don't believe there are any interactions with this medication as this experience has happened to me many times before... getting "too high" and having a panic attack. I'm familiar with the symptoms but they scare me every time.

Today was my first I-Almost-Threw-Up kind of high in about 2 years. I have just come back into smoking semi regularly as I've had tooth pain. Per usual after I take a break, I start extremely slow, taking a small hit at once to see how it makes me feel. I managed to up my tolerance as well as fend off any anxiety.

My tooth was done for and causing me a great deal of pain so a few days ago I went to get it extracted. I was prescribed Percocet for the pain but I don't prefer to take large pills, and I consider myself to have a high pain tolerance.

I wanted to take a hit to ease the pain. It was nowhere near the pain I felt as they pulled the molar out, but with the constant discomfort and my two toddlers fighting, screaming, and generally being toddlers, it was time to take a hit to numb it up a bit. Alas, sucking on my small pipe was too much work for my painful mouth, not to mention dislodging my blood clot would cause a worse problem. My husband went into work in the later afternoon. Perfect, I'd have him hold smoke in his mouth and I'll take it into mine.

After the intimate gesture I felt the effects almost immediately. It was hard to judge how much he'd given me, but I coughed once and had minimal discomfort so I thought I was in the clear.

It couldn't have been five minutes that passed before I was feeling super stoned. My phone is a great distraction, but I had sat beside my husband while he was talking about what he was doing on minecraft. I couldn't concentrate on his voice unless I strained to.

My body begins to tingle when I'm too high, as well as being hyper aware of my heartbeat. I do not like this sensation. I begin to feel sick and tell my husband I'm going to lay down for a while. My daughter was crying for me to lay with her for naptime. I knew she was hungry, as her lunchtime coincides closely with her nap time. The boiled eggs I was to serve were just finished and needed time to cool down, but my daughter was relentless. I decide to lay down with her for a while and wait for the eggs to cool.

I'm on my phone while she cuddles into my chest. I read about other's experiences on Cannabis. Knowing others have bad highs on cannabis make me feel better, as I know it has been stigmatized and called false by those who don't believe marijuana could cause anxiety.

I find the cannabis FAQ and click that first, to read the facts on overdosing on cannabis. My logic brain knows this was next to impossible, but I knew reading the facts would make me feel much better, and it did.

At some point I'm compelled to look up symptoms of cannabis allergy. I know this is a terrible thing to do while experiencing a panic attack but I do it anyway. I'm not experiencing any symptoms listed on the website I googled, but the last symptom was asphixiation. I quickly backed out of that page.

I almost click out of my web browser but am attracted to an article about the chances of being allergic. My anxiety was already a little more elevated yet I decide to read it anyway. This is where I failed to utilize self care and keep myself away from a full blown attack.

I was far too high to concentrate on this amount of reading. I began to skim the seemingly long article and the last two words that popped out at me were "possible death".

My logic brain understood I didn't read the article nearly close enough to make any assumptions about my own health. My anxiety didn't care. I was stuck in a thought loop, usual for me getting too stoned. My anxiety peaked, and I felt the urge to vomit along with chest pain and a racing heart.

I decided it was time for the eggs. I kept my cool extremely well and asked my daughter if she wanted to eat now. She had more energy and a better mood than before. I ask my husband to peel some eggs for her and head out to my balcony for some fresh air.

My heart is pounding out of my chest. I worry that I'll have to puke over the edge. From experience, I tell myself that this is only temporary and continue thinking positively to ease myself out of it.

My stomach was prime for heaving after a while and I decide to make it to the bathroom. As I went inside, I saw my husband slowly peeling boiled eggs. My daughter is beginning to get grumpy as my son already was eating, so I helped him peel eggs to get my mind off the anxiety.

I joked with him about how he's so slow, and our banter made me feel much better. My heart still had to slow itself down but I was keeping together well. I worry that he thinks I'm acting too silly, but I tell myself that it doesn't matter and I'm finally enjoying my high.

I serve my daughter her food and begin to work on putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. At this point I'm on the comedown. I feel motivated, happy, and patient with my toddlers. I have always preferred the comedown over peaking. My depression symptoms, namely snapping at/impatience for my children and general non motivation for cleaning the house, melts away. I finish the dishes and begin the dishwasher with ease and once again sit with my husband.

Most importantly I was in tune with what was happening around me, at what my kids and I were saying. My depression is constant sober. I have extreme difficulty being in the now, what's happening in the present. Finally enjoying the high, I have calm conversations with my kids and interact with them more. I'm patient, calm, and feeling my best.

I would like to stress the chest pain I was feeling is common in my anxiety attacks. I've been to the doctor regularly for six+ years to see if there's problems with my heart and there isn't.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 113484
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Apr 17, 2020	Views: 623
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Cannabis (1) : Health Problems (27), Depression (15), Retrospective / Summary (11), Small Group (2-9) (17)