Citation: Arklark. "The Void and Nothing: An Experience with DMT (exp113490)". Erowid.org. Mar 16, 2021. erowid.org/exp/113490
2 Big hits, light lofi music playing in the background, just after midnight.
Pre: 18 y/o Male, 150ish lbs, accompanied by tripsitter. 8th time overall smoking DMT however this was the first time using a different batch. This trip happened the day after a mushroom trip. Went in wanting 2 big hits to have a proper send off because I wouldn’t have the opportunity to blast off again soon. I didn’t want it to be too intense but I wanted it to know I was in for the ride. I was hoping to maybe see some cool beings/aliens and maybe get one last lesson but I didn’t want anything specific. I was just hoping for a ride that was on the gentler side since I wouldn’t have the chance again for a while. Lofi music station on spotify playing on the TV.
Taking the 2nd hit was the first time there was enough to make me feel like I needed to cough. I kept going though and finished taking my hit, leaned back and saw a little smoke still burning and felt kinda bad. T said “cool” and I laid down, closed my eyes and thought “Yeah, it’s cool. This DMT shit is just so weird. It’s cool though.”
Then there was nothing. I stopped existing as I knew. I was in complete black nothing and I didn’t remember anything. I didn’t remember who I was, I didn’t remember what humans were, I didn’t remember what the world was, I didn’t remember what words were, I didn’t remember what time was, I forgot everything. I didn’t have a body and I only existed in this black void. I could no longer hear the music that was playing, I was nothing but void. I had no concept of what time was and felt like I was in this pure void of nothing forever and I would be there forever. I didn’t remember that I had smoked a drug on purpose and laid down or anything.
I don’t know how long it actually was but after what felt like an eternity, I began to feel. I had no body and no idea of what a body was but I felt the physical effects of fear and anxiety pop into me. The next thing to come back was the name of my dog, Bill, but I had no picture of the dog or any idea that he was a dog, I just had the name and felt a strong connection to it and it was the only thing I could hold on to. I tried my hardest to remember Bill and I clutched to the memory of the only thing I knew in this pure emptiness. This time where I was in complete black and only remembered Bill was the scariest part. I was afraid because I wasn’t sure if I actually existed in the nothing but I felt that I had a connection to “Bill” and I clung to that name harder than anything because it was the only thing that existed.
There was no clear command but my eyes opened and I saw T. I immediately grew happier seeing my favorite person. I did not know what “favorite” was and then found myself repeating the word in my mind “fave-or-it? FAVE-oR-iT? Fave-vor-it?” as if the word was alien. After repeating it about 5 or 6 times in my head, I moved on from it.
I had no idea what “back” was but I was slowly coming back.
I closed my eyes and pushed my face into the blanket and I began to repeat “Its ok, I’m fine.” Over and over. Eventually T said “you’ve said that like 20 times now, just sit back and try to ride it out. You’re obviously still very high.” I apologized and said I’m fine again. I turned further into the couch cushion and put my thumb in the air. I closed my eyes and was still nothing even though I was “back”. I couldn’t remember what words were and what time was, all I could remember was the pure blackness and Bill. I grew more and more afraid because all I could remember was the void and I felt pins and needles down my legs. I opened my eyes again and the tv screen was moving constantly. I grew happier knowing I was finally back and coming down. I asked “Is that what dying is like, did I just fucking die?” And began to cry and hug the blankets. I had T bring me his dog and I had short fits of crying between peaks of happiness while hugging the dog and appreciating being back and NOT being gone forever. More and more slowly came back and I remembered that I was smart and funny and I remembered the people in my life that I love and the fact that I actually get to have a life.
Hard to be depressed or mad about shit now. I’m so much happier about just getting to live. Feels good just to take a deep breath. The only visuals I saw/remember seeing was the TV screen moving. I also saw strange blue and purple lines that kind of looked like a flower but it could’ve just been me imagining anything but void, the lines didn’t feel as intense and obvious as a normal DMT visual.
On the way back, I thought of a plane, maybe because I had a flight the next day or maybe it’s because the plane makes me anxious or something, I’m really not sure, the thought of it didn’t really stick around too long though. Another important thing about coming back was the concept of time. While in the void, I didn’t know what time was and all I knew was void and all I would ever know was void, forever and always. After being told to try and ride it out, I remembered that time was a thing and that I wouldn’t be in that state of emptiness and nothing forever. I remember kind of thinking that there is this “tether” that would pull me out of the experience eventually and that I wasn’t “nonexistent”.
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