Citation: Lonesome Ghost. "Insanity in the Bathroom: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT & Cannabis (exp113618)". Erowid.org. Sep 29, 2019. erowid.org/exp/113618
It was the summer of 2015, I was about 16 years old and between sophomore and junior year of high school. This point in my life was marked by a heavy psychedelic usage, and most of those psychedelics were research chemicals. I was tripping maybe once a week, smoking a good amount of pot, and much of my money was going towards drugs and drug paraphernalia. I had recently acquired a large amount of 4-AcO-DMT and was eager to put it to good use. I had done it once before and had an absolutely terrible time; I just spent several hours in my bed thrashing about hoping the trip would end as the walls melted around me. However, I figured my bad experience was because I didnít measure the drug properly and ended up being completely blindsided by the effects. Now I had a reliable scale, and I was ready to try again.
I didnít measure the drug properly and ended up being completely blindsided by the effects. Now I had a reliable scale, and I was ready to try again.
It was a hot and humid day, my friend (who Iíll call Jake) came over to my house to play video games and get stoned. He had done psychedelics only once before, but was interested in exploring them more. I told him about the 4-AcO I had acquired, and he seemed enthusiastic. I decided that 16mg would be a good dose for him, and 25mg would be a good amount for me as I had already done it once before. I measured out the drug for both of us, put the powder into two separate containers filled with water, and shook them up to help it dissolve. My parents were home, so we decided to head out and drink the concoction in a more secluded location. We also brought some pot with us to smoke, just in case the 4-AcO wasnít very strong.
We walked about 15 minutes from my house to an old rock quarry off a dirt road. We found some nice patches of shade, sat down, and each drank our mixture of 4-AcO. It tasted absolutely terrible - as if there had been a rusty nail sitting in the water for several days. To get the bad taste out of our mouths we smoked a bowl or two, got nice and stoned, and were feeling pretty good. After sitting around for about 20 minutes or so, we decided to start walking to a nearby field.
We began our journey with good spirits, but shortly into our walk things started to change. Physical movement became increasingly difficult, the road extended in front of me as if it would go on forever. The field we were heading to was maybe a 10 minute walk from where we were, but it felt as if it was taking years, centuries even. I looked over towards Jake and saw a look of concern on his face, I knew he was feeling it as hard as I was. We decided to sit down at a gazebo that was halfway to the field.
Upon sitting down, the world started to spin. Everything took on a reddish hue, and I began hearing looping sounds in the periphery of my hearing. The world would not sit still, and neither could I. We decided that we NEEDED to head back home, it was only going to get more intense from here and we couldn't risk being out on the streets and out of our minds. So we got up and began our incredibly arduous walk.
It felt as if gravity had doubled or even tripled, every step took a monumentous amount of effort. Jake kept asking me if his mouth looked weird, I assured him that it didn't but he didnít believe me. He put his hand over his mouth as we continued to walk back to my house. Time slowed to a crawl, this journey back seemed as if it would never end. Thankfully, after what felt like an eternity, we made it to my house. We snuck past my parents and into my room.
He fell on the couch, I fell on my bed, the only sound I could hear was the looping whirring sound of the air conditioning as the world melted around me. Edges of objects waved and flowed, everything shimmered in a variety of colors, and it felt as if my body was being forced deeper and deeper into my bed. I tried to put on the TV, but the faces of the characters were warped and malformed, I couldnít understand the words they were saying. Jake turned off the TV as it disturbed him, and I agreed with his decision.
We began sweating bullets, we felt absolutely drenched. I got us both towels but it just wasnít enough. It was cool in my room with the air conditioner, but our bodies thought we were on the surface of the sun. We also kept thinking that we had pissed our pants, but neither of us could tell if we had or not. We were bordering on delirium at this point, barely able to communicate with one another we laid down and melted into the surroundings. At about this point I made the most fatal mistake of the trip; I decided to go pee.
I got up and headed upstairs and into the bathroom. I got in, locked the door behind me, and immediately forgot where I was. I had no idea why I was here, or even where ďhereĒ was. I took off all my clothes and sat on the toilet, grabbing my head in my hands and rocking back and forth. I heard voices in my head laughing at me, I thought about my life - all the toil, all the strife, every argument I had, it no longer mattered. That was just a dream, that didnít exist anymore. I came to believe that the bathroom was all that existed, and there was nothing outside. At one point I heard the doorknob rattle and the faint distorted voice of Jake saying,
ďAre you in there? Let me in.Ē
I said to him I wasn't wearing any clothes, and told him to leave me alone. He rattled the doorknob once again, but eventually walked away. I returned to my trance and began to forget who I was, I forgot my life, my identity, I didnít know anything anymore but the bathroom. I didnít feel sadness, I didnít feel terror, I felt as if this was just reality now.
I didnít feel sadness, I didnít feel terror, I felt as if this was just reality now.
I had accepted it, I knew I didnít exist anymore. I closed my eyes and all I saw was black, with the outline of my own skull. I could see inside my head as I shook back and forth, I could see the joints and bones that made up my body. When I opened my eyes I saw the walls melting and textures shifting in the bathroom, and could only see the skeleton of myself when my eyes were closed.
To be honest, I donít know how long I stayed in that bathroom. All I know is that when I entered it was light out, and when I began to come down it was dark. At a certain point I decided that the only way to move forward was to leave the bathroom. I had no idea what was on the outside, I expected a swirling dark void, but I knew I had to leave. I got up, put on my clothes, took a deep breath, and opened the door. There was my house, just as I left it, and suddenly memories came back to me, I remember where I was and who I was. I became incredibly frustrated, I had just spent what felt like an eternity believing that my reality was gone, and now here it was again.
I walked downstairs and both of my parents were standing in the kitchen. My dad said hello to me, I responded hello back, and walked into my room. My friend was lying on my couch on his phone. I looked at him and asked,
ďWhen will this end?Ē
ďWhat?Ē he responded, I just rolled my eyes at him as if he was supposed to know how I felt. I tried to communicate everything that I had been through to him, but he just didn't seem to understand. He told me he had been sitting on the couch watching YouTube while shadow hands clawed at him. I had somehow become convinced that while I was in the bathroom, he had wandered the house breaking things and making an ass of himself in front of my parents, but it turns out that he just stayed on the couch the entire time holding desperately to reality as my mind melted.
Eventually we both sobered up somewhat and discussed the events of the night. While his experience was less intense, it was still nowhere near pleasant. Mine was somewhere bordering on ego death and insanity, an experience I still havenít forgotten. After a while we both stopped talking, and just fell asleep mentally exhausted.
Since that experience all those years ago, Iíve done 4-AcO a handful of times and only ever had a good experience once. I donít have any intention of doing it in the future, for me itís just too unpredictable and chaotic
for me itís just too unpredictable and chaotic
, but if Iíve learned anything it's that dose matters. It doesnít take much to take me from tripping to near full blown psychosis, and thatís a lesson I learned the hard way.
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